Argan trees grow in Morocco, where people eat the trees' fruit and press the seeds for oil (don't tell RFK!). And where goats climb them to eat the fruit and leaves.
I know a thing or two about goats. They'll eat anything. They can climb anything. They can herd up to make it through anything. You can put one in a goatapult and it will cling for dear life, no matter how hard you actuate the device. But climb a tree? That's news to me.
It might be news to you too, so here's a video featuring someone channeling her inner Margaret Jo McCullin and herds of rascally goats hoofing it up and down some argan trees. Starting at 5:47, you can see some goats that have been herded into the equivalent of caprine hell, a Bummingdome if you will, forced to stand in one uncomfortable place for an extended period of time. As the narrator says, "Those goats standing in one spot are, unfortunately, unhappy goats."
May all the goats in your collective lives be happy goats.
Steve Lawrence passed away today at age 88. For you young folks (including me), he was a singer and actor known to our elders and Vegas-goers of a generation or two ago. You could look him up.
But I'd rather post Mike Myers' rendition of the man, as seen in one of my favorite SNL sketches.
I am on Instagram. Some of you are too. I use it mostly for amusement purposes. And for looking at sexy ladies. Don't tell the missus about that last part.
I mostly follow accounts that make me laugh. And I'm not picky about my laughs. I'll take them low-brow or high-brow. I mostly get them low-brow, from accounts like @joemande, @gymfailstories, @miserable_men, @kyledunnigan1, @festivalist, @kookslams, @failvibes, @ryanoflan and many others.
I follow @nickkroll on Instagram. He turned me on to a video that has wormed its way into my earholes and eyeballs in the last few days. It's a disco song/performance called Space Rescue by Zoom. They are Spanish. They perform what can best be described as cocaine-infused interpretations of disco music. Did I suck you in yet? Do you not believe me? Check out that video here. It's so awesome it's mesmerizing.
The choreography of that video blows me away. It seems to be the basis for the dance scene to Machine Gun in Boogie Nights, which is one of my favorite minutes in the history of cinema. Check it out right here!
The Zoom video and music also remind me of the performance part from the all-male synchronized swimming skit from SNL, which I put in my top 10 SNL skits of all time. Harry Shearer is an amazing straight man, Martin Short is at the peak of his warped powers here, and Christopher Guest shows what the next chapter of his career would be.
Eli Manning retires this week after a storied NFL career. It seems like just yesterday he and pop Archie were pulling the somewhat douchey "Eli should be able to decide where he plays" a la Joe and Jack Elway. Ah, the time, she does fly.
Like John Elway, Eli Manning played in the NFL for 16 seasons. Like Elway, he stayed with the same team for his entire career. (As well they both should have.)
Like Elway, he quarterbacked teams to a pair of Super Bowl victories. He bettered Elway with not one but two Super Bowl MVP trophies. Giants fans will always have a soft spot in their hearts and their heads for Eli's improbable wins.
The one you know best of all from days of old is Eli Whitney. Mr. Cotton Gin. The reason I get called "Eli" now and again by clever, clever sorts.
There are many ways to judge a man. You certainly have yours.
But here's how I gauge Eli Manning's ultimate standing in history. One of the dumber, goofier sketches on SNL in the last decade, and Eli performing sans hubris like an idiot in a clip that always tickles my funny bone:
I have been fumbling around the gym as of late, limited in what I can do. I can do some cardio stuff (stairmaster, bike) and some core stuff, but that's about it. I am also doing some light weight stuff to minimize atrophy. Very light. The kind of weights that a 75 y/o man would use. But that's all my feeble right side can do these days. But I digress.
I found myself lollygagging about the gym last week without my headphones, which I forgot. This happens once a month or so, because lost brain cells. I was forced to listen to whatever the gym was playing. And gym music is almost always terrible. While on a stationary bike that day, the gym played the early 90's dance hit "Everybody Everybody" by Black Box. As a loyal Clivilles and Cole disciple, I did not pay much attention to the tune. But you and I both know it. Here it is:
So I was forced to listen to this tune. And I immediately began obsessing about that "Ow" sample that I kept hearing. First time it's used is one second in, and it's used a total of 14 times! It sounds so funny and strange and, well, effeminate. I went home that night and couldn't get that dumb song out of my earhole. I dove into the bowels of the internet and found out that the sample is from the song "Shaniqua" by an artist called Oran "Juice" Jones. Here is the video. Go to the 29 second mark to hear the "Ow." But don't go any further. The song was posted to YouTube in 2008 and has 665 views, which should tell you how bad it is.
But Oran "Juice" Jones did have one "hit" song (allegedly) in 1990. It is "The Rain." The video is below. It has over 18 million views, although it doesn't hold up all that well in the #METOO era.
So here's where things get interesting. As I watched that video of The Rain last week, it seemed oddly familiar. So I logged on to my AOL account, opened up Netscape and began surfing the web to scratch this intellectual itch (no, not THAT itch. That itch was crabs and has been resolved. Thanks for asking.).
It turns out that "The Rain" was the basis for a parody sketch done by Donald Glover in his SNL appearance in May 2018. He performed it very late in the show as a character named Raz P Berry. Watch the original video above, and then watch the sketch below.
This sketch is amazing - the Rambo reference, the jewels/credit cards reference, the addition of anal cavity jokes. Comedy gold! And it's amazing because Glover must have known that 99% of the viewers would be like "WTF is going on with this sketch about stalking and pee," while 1% of viewers would have their jaws drop and be blown away. Of course, with a live/streaming audience of ~20 million people, a 1% hit rate for Glover still meant the sketch made 200K folks happy.
Working hard to make a very small group of people laugh is noble, and consistent with the mission of this blog, so I wanted to shout out Donald Glover. This post takes us form early 90's dance to Oran "Juice" Jones to SNL to Glover. That, my friends, is a four-sided comedy rhombus that Donald Glover helped make happen.
While we're celebrating Donald Glover, I want to go on the way-back machine to the early days of viral on-line videos. Donald and another up-and-coming comedy actor, both with ties to the UCB Theater, had great supporting roles in a funny video released on-line in the mid 2000's. Who knew that one cameo performer would become a groundbreaking actor/show-runner/hip-hop artist/social commentator, and another would have a long run on SNL and become one of the most prolific voice-over actors in Hollywood?
In preparation for tonight's three-hour (!) celebration of Saturday Night Live's 40 years in production, here's are a couple of clips from my favorite cast member. Feel free to add your own, or play along in the comments.
As the photos above show, I've been a freak of the industry since I moon-walked out of the womb a few decades back. However, my social life has taken a bit of a hit in recent years, due to fatherhood, commuting and general apathy.
This will change in a big way on Saturday night. The wife and I have gotten a long-awaited invite to attend a live taping of SNL with another couple (the wife in that couple is Bobby Moynihan's sister). While I am not overly excited by host and musical guest Lady Gaga, it should be a bitching time. We will start the night with a dinner at Del Frisco's, then watch the show from the dressing room, where we can sip on brown liquor and (hopefully) find Keenan Thompson's entourage, which we've been told consists of aggressive papal electors.
I have been a huge fan of SNL since I was a kid. I remember taping the 15-year anniversary show on VHS and watching it repeatedly. That was 23 years ago. Pretty impressive run.
So I will do my best to keep my inner fan-boy at bay while seeing the stage, watching the show and heading to the after-party. I told my wife my goal for the night was to finger-blast Aidy Bryant, and that it wasn't really cheating if we didn't kiss. That joke went as well with her as it probably did with our ones of female readers
Wish me luck. The night could go until 5 AM and I will be lucky to sleep until 8 AM on Saturday morning. Thanks to Zman for offering to take my boys until 4 PM that Sunday, although I may not have asked him this favor yet.
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