Zoltan = Soul on Ice

Many women like to watch figure skating. With the Winter Olympics nigh upon us, you might end up watching figure skating with a woman. Maybe a woman you know, or maybe one you just met. Either way, you might want to sound knowledgeable, and you definitely want to find a way to keep it entertaining. To that end, I bring you Romania's own Zoltan Kelemen.


I will root for Zoltan for several reasons. First, he's Romanian (in fact, he's the 3-time Romanian figure skating champion!). Just like Gheorghe Muresan. Second, his coach is named ... wait for it ... you're gonna love this ... Cornel Gheorghe. Another commonality with Gheorghe! Third, he has a cool name. Zoltan. It sounds so out of sight its got the blind people lookin'. Sounds sweet and smooth like custard. Sharp like a razor, steady like a train. Like a man who knows where to get good gyulai - and how to give it. Like a man who can drink a case of Ursus without having to break the seal. Hirsute in places where other men are hairless. A man that all others envy. Fourth, he skates to funky music. He's soul on ice. Check it:



It seems like he falls down a lot so clearly he can take tons of pain. Tough as nails. If you fast forward to the 5:50 mark you'll see he's got a great poker face. Chicks clearly dig this man.

Don't be surprised if you're standing around the K-cup machine at work and you overhear a bunch of young ladies gasping that "Zoltan is soooo sexy!" Normally they'd be talking about me, but during this twenty-first Winter Olympiad, they just might be talking about Zoltan Kelemen. Be ready for it.