Dear Evan Hansen,
I want to start by saying I will not look to press charges. Impersonating a teenager and attending high school is certainly a crime that you committed, but I will let it go, given extenuating circumstances. I am surprised you haven't been arrested yet. You have five-o-clock shadow at times. When I look at you, I think of SNL's Kyle Mooney. And I think you could be his older brother. But that's not why I'm writing.
I'm writing to you because my wife decided that my sons and I should watch your movie last weekend. We attended the movie as a family and my wife and I were glad we did. Some issues highlighted in the movie are tangentially relevant to my family, And the messages about social media, compassion, depression and noticing/acknowledging other people really resonated, especially with my kids. It even got dusty once or twice in the theater. So kudos for shining a light on some really important topics.
I'm also writing to you to apologize for almost laughing at times during the movie. You are a very good singer and dancer, Evan, and the production quality of the movie is great, but there is a ton of unintentional comedy. The faces you make when you sing are both cringeworthy and mesmerizing. On our drive home from the movie, the dialogue in our car was split between the message of the movie and the way that you made my kids laugh out loud at the wrong times. Sorry about that. I think you have a bit more Napoleon Dynamite in you than you want or realize.
I'm also writing to you with some anger for what your production team did to Amy Adams. I have a crush on her. At least I did, up until this movie started. Why did the production team insist she look so terrible? That was unnecessary. This is Hollywood, Evan, not a movie based on real life. She played a princess once! I didn't need this. The picture below is actually better than she looks at any point in the movie. One review asked "Why does Amy Adams always seem constipated onscreen?" I don't like constipated princesses, Evan. Nobody does.
Best of luck and maybe practice singing in front a mirror, pal.
Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend,
TR
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