Showing posts with label Colorado. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Colorado. Show all posts

Sunday, July 02, 2023

Naked Politics

My least favorite law school class was Constitutional Law because, as I posited over a decade ago, "[a]ll that counts is what five out of nine middle-aged-to-elderly judges think."  What is constitutional one day might not be the next, simply because a president swapped in a new judge.  Similarly, what is constitutional one day might not be the next, simply because five of nine elderly judges want a different outcome.

For example, in 303 Creative LLC et al. v. Elensis et al., the Supreme Court held that a website designer does not have to design a website for a gay wedding when the designer believes that gay marriage is a sin and abetting the wedding would run counter to her Christian faith.  Writing for the majority, Justice Gorsuch observed:

Under Colorado’s logic, the government may compel anyone who speaks for pay on a given topic to accept all commissions on that same topic—no matter the underlying message—if the topic somehow implicates a customer’s statutorily protected trait. Taken seriously, that principle would allow the government to force all manner of artists, speechwriters, and others whose services involve speech to speak what they do not believe on pain of penalty. The government could require “an unwilling Muslim movie director to make a film with a Zionist message,” or “an atheist muralist to accept a commission celebrating Evangelical zeal,” so long as they would make films or murals for other members of the public with different messages. Equally, the government could force a male website designer married to another man to design websites for an organization that advocates against same-sex marriage. 

I understand what he's saying with these hypotheticals.  But does this also mean that a racist White person can refuse to make a website for an interracial wedding, effectively refusing to provide services to a Black person?  Justice Gorsuch refers to "all manner of artists"--how far does that extend?  Does the work of high-end chefs constitute art, and if so, can they refuse to provide their food to classes of people they don't like?  In other words, could a racist chef refuse to serve their food to Latinos?

Justice Sotomayor points to all of this and more in her dissent.  But the law of the land today appears to say, on First Amendment free speech grounds, that you can't force a business owner to provide "artistic" services to customers if the business owner does not agree with the content of the artistic work product.  I don't know how to reconcile that with discrimination.

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In another recent case, Students for Fair Admissions, Inc. v. President and Fellows of Harvard College, the Supreme Court held that public and private universities cannot consider race during the admissions process.  The Court pointed to the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment and said that this affirmative action process was discriminatory.  Chief Justice Roberts's majority opinion interestingly says:

At the same time, as all parties agree, nothing in this opinion should be construed as prohibiting universities from considering an applicant’s discussion of how race affected his or her life, be it through discrimination, inspiration, or otherwise. But, despite the dissent’s assertion to the contrary, universities may not simply establish through application essays or other means the regime we hold unlawful today.

That's weird.  I never worked in a college admissions office, but I assume that no one other than the admissions staff reads the essays.  No one knows what any particular essay says other than the applicant and whoever reads it.  How can anyone police essay review?  Does this mean that applicants can't address their race in their essay unless they discuss "discrimination, inspiration, or otherwise"?  What does that mean?  And most importantly, doesn't this limit what the applicant can say in their essay--doesn't this restrain the applicant's speech?

Maybe not.  Perhaps the applicants can write whatever they want and it's up to the admissions staff to ignore inappropriate sentences.  But does forcing the admissions office to ignore those sentences effectively curtail the applicant's free speech?  What good is free speech if the audience isn't allowed to consider it?

More succinctly, I think Con Law is bullshit.  Sometimes free speech trumps anti-discriminatory laws, while other times anti-discriminatory laws can limit free speech.  When and how the rules apply depends on how nine old people in DC feel about the matter at hand and the outcome they desire.  Mitch McConnell's gaming of the Supreme Court confirmation process got us these decisions.  No matter what you may hear, the Supreme Court is a nakedly political body.  And as much as I approve of naked bodies, we don't need any at 1 First Street.

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Monday, August 30, 2021

Colorado's Been Great, Except for the Night I Shat My Pants and My Wife Puked


Howdy folks! The family is settling in out here. The kids are in school and I have been digging into the local whiskey/bourbon scene (Hint: it's good). We visited Buffalo Bill's grave today on Lookout Mountain. Neat trip. 

Things have been decent, all things considered. My kids are meeting people, the pool in our complex is big and there are abundant outdoor options. We treated the first couple weeks as a quasi-vacation to get the kids in good spirits. We took Rob up on his rafting idea, we went to a Rockies game, we ate at Benihana for one kid's birthday, and we did a couple nice hikes in the area. 

This is Lookout Mountain. No idea how it got that name. This pic is unrelated to the story, but it's pretty!

One idea that did not go so well was fondue. We are fondue experts. We do meat fondue every Xmas Eve (my wife's family tradition). It's great for big crowds - meat skewers, wine, relaxed pace, etc. We joked this spring at how many Melting Pot restaurants we saw around the Denver metro area. My kids had never been and our fondue pot is in a box, so we decided to eat there one night, in the heart of the downtown area of a great neighboring town (Louisville - pronounced Lewis-ville). It's an old coal mining town. 

Also unrelated to the story - this is Buffalo Bill's grave on Lookout Mountain. He left home at age 11 to do cattle drives. Badass.

We go to the restaurant and have to wait for a table. Wife and I order wine as we waited. We chose 8 oz over 5 oz for value. We then got seated and started the decadence. We started with cheddar cheese fondue. After I excused myself to go to the restroom, I came back to see that my wife had another 8 oz wine glass in front of her. She had decided that I would drive us all home and ordered a second for herself. How thoughtful.

Fast forward to the main course - we have a broth bubbling and all kinds of flesh getting pierced and cooked - beef, chicken, pork and fish. The kids love weapons and flesh. I love meat. My wife loves wine. Everybody is winning. 

We were all more than full by the time dessert came, but my kids would stick skewers in my eyes if I said no to chocolate fondue. I decided to treat myself to some dessert. I started dipping marshmallows and strawberries into the chocolate fondue, even though my system wasn't used to something as intense as this meal. I washed dessert down with a second wine glass, a 5-ouncer. My wife decided to order a third 8-ouncer. I knew this was a mistake. She is usually a two-drink lady, unless I am mixing up very weak vodka-sodas for her. But she's an adult who can make her own decisions and deal with the consequences, and when she thinks it's smart to order a third, she's not in the mood for my opinion. So I let it go. 

At this point, the cards were dealt. And let's be clear, there would be consequences across the board. During the meal, we started chatting with the manager, who was a great dude. He told us the history of the building, which was known as a haunted structure. He gave my kids the history of the haunted town. We drank and ate and heard about the history. But mid-story, as the chocolate fondue course started, some gurgling also started. I knew I was going to need some quality time on the throne. Soon. 

We paid and walked to our car. We had a 10-minute ride home. My wife was tipsy and chatty. I was sweaty and tense. We told our kids they would have to walk the dog as soon as we got home. We arrived home and parked and my stomach gurgled with more fervor. We walked up the stairs to our second floor apartment and then gravity started working. Aggressively. We got in the door and I was in a full-fledged panic. At that moment, my kids did what they sometimes do at the worst times - they became helpless. "Where's the leash? Where's his collar? Where are the doodie bags?" 

As they asked, I frantically tried to address things. And I lost. What I thought was a shart was so much more. I sharted once in my life as an adult. It was at work when I was in my 20's. I retreated to a stall, cleaned up, discreetly chucked a pair of boxers in the trash, felt bad for the maintenance guy who would find it, and flew free for a few hours. 

But this was no shart. It was a full-fledged bomb that hit me as I walked into my bathroom. I was four feet and five seconds from salvation. And I failed. And even worse, I still had to remove my shorts and undies after it happened. It was awful. I threw them away. There was clean-up work and a shower. It was all pretty unpleasant. And I liked those Hurley shorts!

Thankfully my wife didn't notice any of this. She came in and promptly passed out in her bed. I awoke at 3 AM to the sound of her vomiting. I knew 24 ounces of wine was too much for her. 

I woke up the next morning and found a generous coupon and hand-written note from the Melting Pot manager in my wallet. My wife now gets nauseous when she thinks of fondue. That poor manager will never see that coupon return to his restaurant. 

Thursday, April 29, 2021

Weed, License Plates and LSD: This Week in Drug News


As I prepare for my impending move to the drug-friendly state of Colorado, I feel compelled to share this week's news in drugs. Let's dig in, shall we?
 
The State of Colorado recently held an auction on marijuana-themed license plates. Proceeds benefited the Colorado Disability Funding Committee. The auction ended, of course, on April 20. The results were as comical as they were predictable. 

The top bid went to ISIT420, which went for $6,630. The next highest bid was TEGRIDY (Google it if your South Park knowledge is stale), which went for $4,930. Following this was BONG at $3,890, GREEN at $3,510 and STASH at $1,860. 

The next auction will be held on April 20, 2022. Crossing my fingers I can win the 420 247 or QP KB auctions and put some sweet new plates on my Dodge Stratus

In other news, Justin Zhu seems like a guy who could roll with many of us current (and former) party animals. Justin was a co-founder and CEO of a marketing startup company called Iterable. Never heard of it? Me neither. But a lot of people have, apparently. This private company has a current market value of $2 billion. Pretty sweet, right. And Justin likes acid. 

Apparently, Justin took acid before a company meeting in 2019. He said he was attempting to micro-dose to "improve his focus." Yeah, that's why I used to do it too. Listen, I get the theoretical concept of a micro-dose. I occasionally nibble on a bit of an indica edible before bed - maybe a third or a half of a 10 mg gummy. I sleep well and have odd dreams. Everybody wins. But Justin wasn't nibbling on a gummy. He was EATING ACID. AT WORK. This seems like all kinds of bad decision-making by the CEO. Clearly, he was either: i) so out of his gourd that folks figured out what happened, or ii) so cocky that he felt the need to share news of his drug adventures to his colleagues. Do your drugs, pull yourself together, and keep the deets to yourself, like any self-respecting degenerate.  


The full story is here. But before you have a pity party for Mr. Zhu, remember that he is a co-founder of a $2 billion company and probably owns a big slug of equity. It is likely he never needs to work again. But maybe he should double down on his psychedelic legacy and push for psilocybin legalization in Colorado. That would be good. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good.