Gheorghe was asked back by the Extrapolator crew to contribute to this week's Voodoo Sabermetrics post. Gheorghe happily accepted.This week's victim: 23-year-old Philadelphia Phillies lefty Colbert Michael "Cole" Hamels. Unfortunately, Delmon Young was unavailable to help me this week, so I had to go it alone. My sections - Atomic Number and Exposure. What that really means I don't know. I do know I am completely unqualified for this, but that's never stopped me before. And away we go...
Atomic Number (or Chemistry, if you prefer)
Hmmm, let's go with Polonium, Atomic Number 84. Yeah, that seems like a good choice (by the way, I just looked at a Periodic Table for the first time in 12 years...truly exciting stuff). Polonium is apparently hot enough scientists have pondered using it to heat spacecrafts. It's powerful (and deadly enough) Russian dissidents have been silenced by it (Alexander Litvinenko). Sounds like Cole Hamels to me. Charlie Manuel is praying Hamels is hot enough and powerful enough to support a rotation in shambles (just look at the starters in the Phils/Mets series this weekend). Hamels is one of the best young pitchers in baseball. He's currently 2nd in the NL in Ks (116), 3rd in Wins (9...first to 9 wins actually) and CGs (2) and 9th in IP (111.2). In April, he struck out 15 Reds in a complete game five-hitter. He had a perfect game through seven in May against the Brewers, and ended up striking out 11. Yes, the kid's smoking...
...and yes, it does need to be addressed, the female population seems to find him smoking hot. On that front, it seems young Mr. Hamels is so hot the ladies at "The Ladies..." can't even decide who gets to bed him first. I believe Clare has first dibs on Cole, but it's hard to tell (I have a strange feeling Clare might expound on this today).
Exposure
Not an issue for this kid at all. Apparently, since Hamels was called up, he has had numerous fan clubs in the stands, going by various names, including "The Cole Patrol", "The Cole Mine" and "The Cole Train" (hell, it's Philly, these could be the same clowns each game and they just can't decide on a consistent name). Even more importantly, Cole Hamels has joined Chuck Norris and Tim Tebow (and I'm sure many more) as objects of over-the-top internet affections via the "fun fact" website. I'll leave you with just a few of my favorite Cole Hamels Facts:
**When Cole Hamels is on the mound digging in his glove, he is really just text messaging Tony Danza.
**Cole Hamels knocked down the Berlin Wall. With a change-up.
**Cole Hamels once saddled Jesus Christ with the dreaded "Golden Sombrero." He came within one strike of doing the same to God.
**Cole Hamels isn't left-handed, he's bored.
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