Wednesday, October 31, 2018

What Car Should a (non) Gheorghie Drive -- failed rushees Edition


I have WCSAGD ideas for all of you but I want to do each post justice. Rather than rush any of them, here’s a list requested by TR of cars for non-Gheorghe rush failures.

1. Sean took a shake and gave it back to go SAE in 1993. He was a bad bad man—he almost made the Olympic judo team. He also was a bad dude—he slapped his girlfriend at College Deli once. Luckily Teza knew the young lady in question and stepped in. Not many other guys on campus could’ve handled that situation. TR called this type guy a “diesel tool” because he’s a tool but he’s too diesel for you to do anything about it. Sean Hannon should drive a 1987 Buick Grand National GNX. It looks like something a villain would drive and it has a crazy powerful engine to destroy anyone else in a drag race, but it’s still a Buick.

2. Graham was Sean’s roommate. He also took a shake and gave it back to go SAE in 1993. I don’t remember much about him other than the time he said to me, after his shake, “We’re basically brothers now, right?” and I said “Well you still have to pledge.” Maybe that’s why he unshook himself—he was too shook to keep the shake. Otherwise he was pretty boring and unremarkable, but he was smart and I understand he’s very successful. He should drive a beige Toyota Camry, year and engine don’t matter. A completely bland and uninspired car that sells very well.

3. Boutros Boutros Batros also took a shake in 1993 and ditched it to go SAE. Craziest cross-rush pattern ever. I could see fading us for Lambo or even Theta Delt, but SAE is way way different. I don’t remember much about him either other than that he had $300 and could live in a room. He should drive a Honda Civic, basic transportation that you turn to out of necessity rather than interest.

4. Mikelowski took a shake and gave it back remain independent (I think) in 1993. We really killed it in the Fall 1993 rush, by the way. When he found out I was dating the woman who became my ex-wife he told her “Oh, you could do so much better.” He should drive a Trabant because it’s generally considered to be the worst car ever made anywhere in the world.


5. The Dwonger was TR’s favorite rushee ever. He was essentially an Asian version of TR but chubbier and happy and fun to be around. He was pretty fratty, in a sloppy fat drunk and happy kinda way. He became a Sig Ep. He should drive a 1966 Lincoln Continental converted into a Deathmobile.


6. Brandon should drive a 1995 Lincoln Town Car, the getaway car from the bank robbery scene in “Heat.”



7. The kid who transferred in from Villanova and took a shake only to give it back to go Sigma Chi should drive a Mini Moke.


8. I only saw Farrar a handful of times but he was always wearing a black Members Only jacket. He should drive a 1985 Pontiac Trans Am.


9. Warren initiated but I never saw him again so he should fly around in Wonder Woman’s invisible jet.



Lynda Carter y'all.

32 comments:

TR said...

I think we all liked the phrase “you can’t go Duong with Ham” a lot more than we actually liked the guy.

That Fall 1993 class was tough. We tried to recreate the magic of the epic Fall 1992 Monroe Hall rush class, but couldn’t.

TR said...

And I think about 20 guys pummeled that dude when he laid a hand on his gf at the Delly. He was in the bummingdome.

rootsminer said...

Yeah, Fall 93 class was straight garbage. Wait, what?

zman said...

Also from Fall 93 was the kid who hung around a lot so we shook him and during the shake process he had the most bummed out look ever. He denied the shake and later joined Sigma Nu. He should drive Willie Nelson's biodiesel car, or whatever Cheech and Chong drove.

rootsminer said...

I don't remember who that was, but I probably schooled him on the Sigma Nu hoops court, site of my highest bball achievements.

Also, no shitty whips for James Gray or Pat Fiel?

rob said...

man, you guys sucked at the whole rush thing. no wonder you killed the chapter.

Whitney said...

Fall 1988 Monroe Hall produced five (5) stalwart Pi Lams. Three of them write on Gheorghe. The Blog.

BAD

ASSED

TR said...

Fall 1992 Monroe produced (in theory) 7 Lammies.

Of that 7, 2 immediately failed out.

The rest of us had to clean up the fiscal/administrative mess you delinquent meatheads left in your wake.

Marls said...

Somewhere Ghani Raines weeps.

zman said...

Maybe if you older guys could've successfully rushed and retained more than 13 guys a year you'd still have a house to demolish at homecoming.

zman said...

I think Ghani unshook himself, right? Another 1993 guy. He brought two dates to a date party one time. I remember that.

zman said...

I didn't recall James or Pat. How did they fail to pan out?

Marls said...

James was on my freshman hall. He was an odd bird.

I just looked up Pat on LinkedIn. He has one of those profile pictures where the person is looking off into the distance.

Whitney said...

It's good that you guys are using their full names so that they can land here when they Ghooghle themselves. Hi, washouts!

zman said...

Yes, I tried to avoid full names. As we said, the 1993 rush class wasn't our best effort.

Marls said...

Ghani was a good dude. He brought two dates to a date party. I think that is a self googling win. The other guys, I’m avoiding last names.

rootsminer said...

Sorry to use full names for those cats. I imagine they'll survive.

Each year I'm amazed at the number of people who wear costumes to work. Just saw a lady in a saucy Myrtle Beach T and black leather jacket. I complained that the shirt wasn't airbrushed.

zman said...

An entire family is dressed as the Incredibles. I’m not sure Mrs Incredible should be in that particular costume.

TR said...

My son is out tonight with a kid named Xavier. All I think about when I see the kid is the Xavier McDaniel “don’t cum yet” scene from Singles.

Dave said...

salvador dali would approve this post.

Dave said...

were their any failed rushees in '88 or did they take all comers?

TR said...

Well, they took you. So you probably already know the answer.

No offense.

Whitney said...

I don’t think anyone defected our year.

Except Cliffy, who came back later.

Mark said...

I too am amazed by the amount of adults I encounter in full on, tons of effort costumes during the Halloween work day. Halloween night I kind of get but when you’re a nurse at podiatry office?

rob said...

interesting evening for the kid. rode on a float in our town's halloween parade in costume as uncle fester. met tim kaine, while dressed as uncle fester, and dropped whitney's name. he legitimately knows whitney and his father, so all of whitney's stories about kaine are probably not made up. gomez fell off the back of the float and broke his collarbone at the very beginning of the parade. that put a damper on things. we soldiered through.

rob said...

the entire university system of maryland board of regents should resign out of gross incompetence and terminal embarrassment. what a farce.

TR said...

That Gomez comment made me chuckle. And as much as the Board of Regents f’d up, justice won out b/c the people (many of them young) were loud about their unhappiness. The path was bumpy, and some clowns have egg on their face, but Durkin is gone. And that’s a good thing.

Whitney said...

TK, bitches

Whitney said...

Don’t tell him I said that

rootsminer said...

I had an entire incredibles family too. Must be sold at target (tm).

I think Tim Kaine is a good one- more real than Warner. I've met him briefly, and spent a half hour or so talking to his wife and father in law once. They were both great.

TR said...

Who’s doing the DC United playoff preview post? Maybe somebody who lives in the DC area and can relate to sub-69” athletes?

zman said...

Yoodge day.