The Mark and Danimal Pickarama Returns

Those first few Saturdays in February are hard, sobering. Reality sets in. It starts in early January when the bowl games docket thins. The long-term forecast?  Really Dark. Depressing. You yearn for that FBS game cuz it’s gonna be a good one, yet you don’t want it to arrive because of the inevitable. It’s probably exactly like the walk to the chamber, but way different, ya know, with not as much finality or the death thing. You hear me though. You know what I’m sayin. With that one final whistle goes your hope and dreams, your Saturday mornings filled with giddiness and afternoons of burrrbins. What are those replaced with? Dread motherfuckers, that’s what. So unfair. EIGHT (8) MONTHS is the length of the college football off-season.  Technically it’s a hair under 8 months, but we are still talking about days that number well into the 200’s. Twoooooo……………hundreds.

Well it has finally returned and it will be welcomed indeed. And best of all, it brings with it locked at the elbows the weekly football picks by Bad News Hughes and yours, Danimal. We weren’t going to let you down. You had faith in us, right? Many of you likely thought otherwise with so many unanswered letters and autograph requests during our little respite. Apologies, but we are pretty busy guys. Lots of stuff going on up in here. Well, you can simmer your asses down now. Grab a seat and relax. Systems are a go.

The inaugural season of “Mark & Dan’s College Football Picks,” (catchy name) finished with a Mark dubwa. By week 5 and down 6 games it was going to be a grind, but very doable. The headwind couldn’t contain me forever though, could it? Ultimately, yes, it could, and it did. Some old fashioned grinding however got me within one game about halfway through the bowl schedule before the Hughester shut me down permanently. Effer.  Well, another season begins….now.   And p.s., if you’ve never read Wright Thompson’s piece on CFB, get after it.

Danimal’s Picks

Penn State +2 vs Central Florida (Dooblin, Ireland!)

Like my other picks, I don’t know much about these teams. Here is what I do know:

1) CFU is without 2 of its studs from last year, Storm Johnson and Blake Bortles. How do I know that? Because they play for my Jags now stupid! Not too late to jump on the Bortles bus! Come on over to Jaguar Town!

2) It’s in Ireland.

3) George O’LEARY coaches CFU. He’s Irish – his last name could be Pewterschmidt but you’d still know he’s Irish just by looking at him. The map of Ireland is drawn on his face for the love of Pete. At tis writing, it’s dinnertime over in the motherland and George, sources tell me, is knee deep into da corned beef and a bottle of Paddy’s. He’s pissed drunk and enjoyin da craic! As he should be for chrissakes! He’ll finish his session at half midnight and get up with a bit of da pressure and as a result make a poor decision or two and lose the match!

Penn State wins by tree!

These dudes are the f'ing worst.

UCLA -21 vs YOU! VEE! Meh.

12:00 PM EST

The Bruins travel east to take on a team from Charlottesville that spent all year getting made fun of after an abysmal showing in 2013. What’d they win, like, two games last year? They blew. Mike London – how’s that swamp ass treating you from the heat on your seat? UCLA can’t possibly travel east and play a game at a time they are normally kicking tan-legged blondes out of their bed and cover a 21 point spread can they? And UVa is supposed to be a much improved team this year with lots and lots of returning players. So what’s that mean? 6-6? 7-5? UCLA is a Top-10 team with not one but possibly 2 Heisman candidates on the squad, one on either side of the ball. You UVa boys better place a kerchief in those blazer pockets.

Bruins Ruin!

Rice +21 vs ND

3:30 pm

Ha ha ha!  Just kidding! New Rule: No betting on ND in 2014 under ANY circumstances.

FSU -17.5 vs Oklahoma State (Arlington, TX)

I made the mistake of betting against the ‘Noles last year a couple of times due to the many a points they were always giving. Not this year pal. Do I think they’re going to be as good this year? Yes, yes I do. Who doesn’t? I’m just going by what every pundit out there is saying, that they will be as good and maybe even better than last year.  Despite that, I REALLY believe they will falter at some point and hopefully against the cheating Irish. But they won’t falter this week toughy. No siree.  Though Gundy is even more so of  “a man!” …he’s got a little less spring in his step and more webs in the old noggin.

Seminoles

MARK PICKS


Since Danimal did all the heavy lifting and crafted a nice little intro to welcome he and I back this year I'll keep it simple and say that I too am overjoyed at the return of College Football. My Saturdays once again have meaning. Well, a meaning besides yard work and home improvement followed by thinking of an excuse to go have a few beers by myself at the bar late in the afternoon. Don't judge me. There's nothing but women/girls in my house. A man needs a break. Said man may have a bit of a drinking problem as well but we're not here to discuss that. We're here to pick winners.

UCLA (-21) @ Virginia- UCLA is this year's trendy pick to make the College Football's Final Four. For that reason alone I see them slipping up at least once and maybe twice this season. That will happen during their run in the PAC-12 though, certainly not in Charlottesville against Mike London's bunch (he's, somehow, still the coach their, right?). Virginia's best offensive player, Jake McGee, is now starting at TE for Florida (he should be a significant upgrade over either of the two converted DE's who started for Florida last year...) and Virginia hasnt exactly been bringing a load of 4 and 5 star skill position players over the past few years. UCLA can score in bunches. Brett Hundley might be the best NFL QB prospect in College Football and two-way wonderbeast Myles Jack is poised for a monster season after breaking out midway through his freshman season last year. Three TDs is a bunch of points to give up. Less so when you're giving it up to an ACC team that sucks out loud. UCLA.

Arkansas @ Auburn (-19.5)- Once again, I'm giving up a bunch of points. Once again, I don't GIVEAFUCK (Smokey Voice). Bret Bielema's first year in Fayetteville was a disaster and while he's starting to recruit well he can't make up for the lack of talent left to him by Bobby Petrino. Petrino is a hell of a coach but he's a dick with a bad reputation. Not a great recipe for competing with the rest of the SEC West in recruiting. Arkansas, quite simply, doesn't have the horses to run with Auburn. The Tigers are now in Year 2 of running Gus Malzahn's system and should be even more explosive than they were the second half of last year. Nick Marshall's weed arrest means he won't start the home opener but he'll play plenty. Writers who've been down on the Plains to see Auburn practice say they might be the most athletic team in the SEC. Auburn is going to score early and often. I'd advise you to bet the first half line for Auburn and this line. There's no rule against making too much money.  War Eagle.

Utah State (+5.5) at Tennessee- After the disastrous Derek Dooley Era (read some of the quotes on Dooley from former Vols), Tennessee showed some legitimate signs of life last year. Losing to Georgia at home by a FG and then knocking off South Carolina a couple weeks later. Butch Jones followed that up by bringing in a top 10 recruiting class to Knoxville. The Volunteers, much to my chagrin, are on the rise. There's one (actually two) big problem though. Tennessee is the only FBS school replacing every starter on it's Offensive AND Defensive lines this season. That's, um, bad. Meanwhile, Utah State gets the one man show known as Chuckie Keeton back after tearing and ACL last season. If you're not familiar with Mr. Keeton's work, take a few minutes.


I think there's a shot that Utah State wins outright in Knoxville tomorrow night and few things would make me happier. That doesn't matter for these purposes though. Vegas is giving us 5.5 points, so take them and root for the Fighting Chuckie Keetons.

Sweet Jeebus it's nice to have football back.