Tuesday, September 03, 2013

Copenhagen: It's More than Just Danish and Dip

If you paid close attention to the comments last week you might recall that I went to Copenhagen for a few days. At rob's insistence I've posted up this post in which I conclude that Copenhagen gets it done.

The flight from the eastern US to Copenhagen is painfully long and expensive. My pain was partially assuaged by the beautiful stewardesses on my Scandinavian Airlines flight. If you go be sure to fly SAS. Sure, one of the plane's landing sensors broke on the way there, necessitating a landing in sunny Gotesburg Sweden to get it fixed before we could land in foggy Copenhagen, and the plane that was supposed to take me home broke so thoroughly that I had to wait 2 hours for a replacement plane to arrive from China ... but the women of SAS make the risk worthwhile.

Beautiful women are a theme in Copenhagen. Even with my detour through Sweden I arrived at my hotel 5 hours before my room was ready, which gave me time to roam the streets and absorb the sights. Everyone gets around on bicycle in Copenhagen, so everyone no one is fat and all the women have toned legs. The locals are genetically blessed with flawless skin, blond hair, long legs, and straight teeth. The time spent biking in the sun gives them all a uniform tawny sheen. Remarkably, none freckles or moles, just evenly bronzed dermis all around. I got a leisurely lunch of steak and fries at an outdoor café, drinking beer in the sun and watching relentless streams of perfect blond girls pedal by. They were so abundant that you could start a Tumblr as specific as "pretty blonds with braided ponytails and blue skirts on bicycles" or "pretty girls with platinum blond hair wearing green adidas on bicycles" or "pretty girls with sandy blond hair carrying a guitar on a Cannondale" and get three entries every two minutes.

One of my colleagues noted that if he wasn't married he wouldn't leave. And I think he was serious. Another colleague immediately agreed and I guarantee that guy wasn't joking. If you know any young guys who are deciding what to do after they graduate from college, you're doing them a disservice if you don't tell them to backpack through Denmark. You have to see it to believe it. All 7's and above, and based solely on the sounds coming from the room next to mine they engage in robust and vocally demonstrative coitus. And no, I didn't take any pictures of ladies, despite rob's insistence. I'm not that creepy. Our distaff readers will also like to hear that the men in Denmark are similarly blond, tall, fit, tanned, and plentiful. I just didn't pay as much attention to them.

After the shock of the transition from the women in Newark to the women in Denmark wore off, I realized that Copenhagen felt like home. The cobblestones and bicyclists remind me of Nantucket and I wound up in a touristy area much like Downtown Crossing. Also quite Bostonian was the juxtaposition of old and new architecture with the ocean as an omnipresent backdrop:


Then I saw this:


That's right, Copenhagen has a Dubliner! I fit right in. I also fit right in because I visited in the middle of a schmuck-fest. Seriously, here's what I got with my lunch menu:


I think Copenhagen would be a better venue for a schmuck-off than a schmuck-fest, especially given the quality of the women and this "slutspurt" store:


But I'll let the Danes sort that out. Perhaps unsurprisingly, many men carry dip and the breakfast pastries were outstanding. I sampled many and here's my favorite, an apricot confection coated with previously unencountered delicious seeds:


Also excellent was the smoked salmon, which I ate on multiple occasions and which was always impressive. All other foods were made out of cow and they were not as impressive.

Copenhagen was a bit lacking musically. I should have done this, at a minimum for purposes of this post, but I didn't. Instead I went to a record store where they sold actual records. The first one I saw was, natch, this:


You can take the boy out of Teaneck ... anyway, the track listing on this set is impressive:


Less impressive was the rest of the store and its inordinate focus on metal:


In case you're curious, here's the #1 album in Denmark as of last week:


I did my due diligence on Denmark in Denmark and learned that the most famous Danish musical act is ... Aqua! "Who the fuck is Aqua?" you ask! This is Aqua:



Probably not up your alley. Also from Denmark and just as unbearable: Volbeat!



I'd wager that some of you enjoyed that jam; it might even be TR's ringtone. Somewhere in the middle is up-and-comer Carpark North:



Not exactly my kind of thing but it could have some mass appeal in the bland hinterlands of northern Virginia.

If you need one more reason to go to Denmark ... they love cosplay.


So there you have it, a ringing endorsement of all things Danish from the grumpiest guy you know.

30 comments:

  1. You bought that record, right??

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  2. And Soul Jazz Records looks might impressive with the list of albums they produce. Looks like my day is going to be wasted listening to some new music.

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  3. I didn't buy it because I don't own a turntable. Amazingly the 2-record set was only 20 krone (about $4 USD) more than the average CD.

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  4. That record was a sign Z, that you need a turntable in your life. And you missed it.

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  5. I had a turntable, then it broke and I took it to an electronics repair guy in Teaneck. He went out of business a week later and took off with my turntable. And it was a fancy one! It could skip tracks just like a CD player!

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  6. So now I have the Smithsonian Collection of Classic Jazz on vinyl and no way to listen to it.

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  7. $4 for that record?? You should've bought it.

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  8. What a sad story Z. I had a roommate from Teaneck once. He used to come into my room late at night and raid my stash, usually with a wild haired lambo, who I'll be seeing this weekend in Chicago.

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  9. No, the record was only $4 more than a CD. The record was 169.95 krone (a clear sign from the frat gods) which is about $34. Everything in Copenhagen is expensive.

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  10. I know neither your roommate nor his wildhaired friend, rootsy, but tell them both to visit Copenhagen.

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  11. Ok, never mind. $34 is steep.

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  12. Nice work, Zman. My daughters love that Aqua song, which sucks.

    And I'm baffled by the omission of Isaac Hayes' theme from Shaft on that set. "Across 100th Street" is fantastic, however.

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  13. Volume 2 leads off with Shaft. Amazon has the two CD set, 34 tracks in all, for $21.83. Can't find it on Spotify, damn it.

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  14. Just shared lunch with Mrs. Furyk. Well, not shared but sat next to. Not next to next to, but sort of next to, at different tables but in the same deli.

    Interesting reading about Copenhagen. I'll put it on the list. A very fine endorsement indeed.

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  15. Watched a good chunk of the James Franco Roast last night. Andy Samberg was in character for his part. And it was really, really funny.

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  16. Watched the Franco Roast as well. Jonah Hill was surprisingly strong as well. Jeff Ross had an off night.

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  17. I also saw it. Even the people I thought would be duds were good. Aziz Ansari was so sharp that Jeffrey Ross tipped his cap rather than berating him.

    Ross seems to have lost a little edge in his old age. The man heralded and hated for his "Bea Arthur's dick" bit is now less of a dick and more like Bea Arthur.

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  18. That "Bea Arthur's dick" bit is, amazingly, 14 years old. Doesn't seem that long ago.

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  19. Ross was out of his element as most of those other guys are friends. I thought Bill Heder as 'Hollywood' was pretty great too.

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  20. the other now ancient roast memory that always sticks with me is Gilbert Gottfried getting up at the very end of some show, saying everyone stole his act, so he did Ice T's act...

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  21. Also missing from that album was Superfly. Hopefully that was on Volume II as well.

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  22. Was it Andy Dick who made the joke at Pam Anderson's roast about her vahj being so big that she offers donkey rides to the bottom? That still makes me laugh. I'm laughing now.

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  23. Underrated part of the Franco roast was at the very end when the mic picked up Seth Rogan saying he was leaving the roast and immediately going to Burning Man. Drugs!

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  24. marls and jerry both joined our old guy fantasy league, which commences drafting in 15 minutes. i feel like their youth is an advantage. most of the rest of us will be asleep before the draft ends.

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  25. I'm at the USWNT game--the Canadian Leroux girl has scored 4 goals in the first half for USA. Her dad is American so we have her on our team--and both her parents were pro athletes.

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  26. And those typically affable Canadians didn't handle her choosing the USWNT with much class. Fuck them. Glad we got her.

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  27. women's world cup in canada in 2015. who's in?

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  28. A suggestion for the ladies: don't get one of those pseudo-French manicures/pedicures where the white part of the nail is painted black and the rest is painted pink. It just looks like you have dirt under your nails.

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