The Twelve Days of Gheorghemas: Day Ten

On the tenth day of Gheorghemas, Big Gheorghe gave to me...

Ten (ish) Gifts for Gheorghies
Nine Lists of Top 10 Things
Eight Wins Worth Noting
Seven Traits for Winning
Six Facts O'Ghoogling
Five Lasting Images
Four Things to Think About
Three catastrophe 'staches
The Finest Holiday Duet in History
And One Hell of a bloggy Par-ty

For years I've been a kind of drunk Uncle here at Gheorghe: The Blog. And I was good at it. Good at it because it suits my style of selfish procrastination and because I've been an actual drunk Uncle (not the creepy kind, the fun kind) for over 12 years now. I show up at the major events for my sisters' kids. I bring them a good present. I make a few wisecracks, insult the alma mater of my family and in-laws and then I'm out.

And it's kind of been that way here at G:TB as well. I'm a natural outsider amongst the staff as I neither attended William & Mary, nor do I have any other natural ties to any of the other staff members. My only tie-in is Greg and he's about as consistent a presence around here as Shawn Kemp is at his kids' sporting events. To be fair to Shawn, a consistent presence of that nature would require a tremendous amount of time and air travel. Anywho, I felt like my role at G:TB was perfect. Show up to write about the NBA or College Football or something else every now and then, insult people I barely know in the comments and then I'm out. The problem this year is that I have a new job that doesn't allow me to waste time writing posts while at work. And, oh yeah, I have a kid of my own now. A kid that still can't feed, clothe, bathe, change or care for herself in any way after over 11 months. I'm beginning to think this little shit machine is even lazier than I am. Just wait until she starts drinking. So, am I blaming my pathetic performance (or lack thereof) this year and, more specifically, this Gheorghemas on my kid? No. Am I blaming it on my job AND my kid. You're fucking right I am.

So, in true drunk Uncle fashion, I'm here three days late to deliver my Christmas gifts to you. Also, it should be noted that you will have to pay for these gifts yourself. I took the time to personally pick them out. Anything beyond that on you.

Rob: In the wee hours of the morning (or the late hours of the evening) after TJ's wedding I ended up in a conversation with Geoff, Geoff's wife and Rob about music. It began with music we enjoy working out to. During this time, it was revealed that Geoff's wife is a big Motley Crue fan. I approve. It was also revealed that Rob had no idea who Pete Rock and CL Smooth were. Needless to say, I was extremely disappointed. Shortly thereafter, I received an email from Rob asking if I could send him some hip hop suggestions for his daughters as they were being unduly influenced by the terrible hip hop that is currently polluting the mainstream radio airwaves. Being the drunk Uncle I am, I said yes. And then I did absolutely nothing. Well, Rob. I'm burning some CDs for you and your daughters. But, hopefully, this playlist will give you a start. Both in terms of artists and actual songs. (Disclaimer: I'm terrible at picking good hip hop songs that skew toward the mean AND Rob asked me to keep it somewhat PG-13)

Zman: It's no secret that Zman and I have a long lasting long distance, completely heterosexual love affair. He's a much more successful, erudite version of a few of the kids I grew up playing basketball with. Meaning, he loves shoes and hip hop as much (or more) as I do. Well, I actually met Zman this fall. Since he once sent me a picture of his high school yearbook photo, via email, I was in no way surprised by his appearance (I had imagined a white Ghostface prior). So, Zman I give you a hoodie that I received this year for Christmas.

Clarence: Everyone here is well acquainted with Clarence's love for Yacht Rock. I'm going out on a limb and guessing that Clarence is not, however, well acquainted with the work of Alchemist (the producer, not the book, nerds). So, I'm just going to put this here.

TJ: TJ is the person who originally brought me to Gheorghe. We met through Greg. We exchanged drunken voicemails. We hung out in Jacksonville and watched Slater knock out a Georgia fan in one punch. We later laughed about it while casting papal ballots via a green apple stolen from the concierge's desk in our hotel. Finally, it all came full circle as I was (somehow) invited to TJ's nuptials this past summer. My wife ended getting TJ and @baconbaking an extremely thoughtful gift for their wedding. This is slightly less thoughtful but no less awesome.

TR: I still haven't ever met TR. But I did start following The Iron Sheik on Twitter this year due to TR's retweeting of his broken English insults of Virgil and Hulk Hogan, among others. TR, I think this would go great in the office I imagine you having.

Dave: I don't really know Dave. We've never met and I must confess I sometimes don't get around to reading his posts until a few days later. It's that whole selfish procrastination trait (and Dave's posts a long. It's like a homework assignment sometimes). I do know he's a pretty smart fellow who enjoys reading. So much so that he gave us book assignments last year. He even assumed I didn't like soccer and told me to read a soccer book. Like with most things I'm told to do, I took umbrage with Dave's assumption and informed him that I did indeed like soccer and had grown up playing it while being coached by my Dad who'd played soccer collegiately. What's the point of this? I'm really not sure, other than to say that I think Dave would really enjoy "Play Their Hearts Out". It's not about soccer, rather the youth AAU Basketball scene and it's ever seedier underbelly. It's really entertaining book and certainly one I'd suggest for anybody who coaches youth sports (Dave, Rob) at any level.

Marlin: Does Marlin work at G:TB Enterprises? No, I'm told, he doesn't. But I've gotten really, really drunk with Marlin twice this year and he somehow ended up about a mile from my house this fall following Hurricane Sandy. So, I feel like he should get something too. So here's former Met, but constant scumbag Wally Backman losing his shit for your viewing pleasure.

Danimal: Another guy who doesn't actually work here. But, to his credit, Danimal comments a shit ton (he hates his kids) and has significantly added to the low level of discourse. It's been a big year for Danimal, between yet another birth of one of his childrens and Notre Dame finally being a relevant college football team again. Actually, Danimal is going to Miami (kind of) for the BCS Championship Game. Fuck that guy. He's had enough good fortune this year.

Squeaky: Squeaky likes vinyl. If you follow him on Twitter he will beat you over the head with this fact. I too like vinyl. Though our musical tastes vary wildly. So, Squeaky…if you ever come to Florida you can have your pic of

or

Or you can pick out something else (not my original pressing of "Paid In Full" though), or I'll just buy you a beer.

The Wheelhouse Brothers: I'm losing steam here as most of this has been written after beers with Greg and Vitas so you're getting the short end of the stick. Jerry- you used to love gay drinks, and you made me drink Zima on your first trip to Gainesville, so you're getting a bottle of Salted Caramel Vodka. I had some of this on Christmas night. It's as awful it sounds. Enjoy. Geoff- Not your finest year. You predicted here at Gheorghe: The Blog that Mittens would win the Presidential Election in a "landslide" or that Obama would win in a closely contested battle. Yeah, about that...we'll get you a Ouija Board, your predictions can't be worse using it. And, because I know you'll get good use out them, a pair of these.

Better drunk than never. Wait, I think I screwed that up. Ah, fuck it. My actual family has hated me for one reason or another this holiday season so y'all might as well too.

Oh yeah, one last thing. This song is fantastic. Seeing how this little French asshole made the sausage is even better.



Merry Gheorghemas!