Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Worlds Collide During TV Month, Alternatively Titled "This Post Goes To Eleven"

I don't watch many of the same shows as the rest of the G:TB staff, just sports, movies on HBO, and a handful of programs (yeah I said programs) that the zwoman and I both enjoy. As you may have noticed, the majority of my contributions here relate to music, so to celebrate G:TB Television Month, I bring you the definitive list of the top 11 television theme songs of all time.

My list is definitive not because I am infallible, but because I defined the terms of all time bestness, namely, if I'm driving in my car and a TV theme song came on the radio (or satellite or, if Whitney's with me, from a bottomless iPod), how excited would I be to turn up the volume and bang it? So the Cheers theme is out (and I know Teedge is miffed -- I guarantee he would bang the Cheers theme in his Saturn unibody SUV), as is M*A*S*H, Hill Street Blues, Welcome Back Kotter, WKRP in Cincinnati, Laverne & Shirley, and All In The Family, no matter how recognizable and iconic they are. And Billy Joel sucks so Bosom Buddies is out too.

Some series have a potentially unfair advantage because they employ theme songs that are actual real songs, sort of like leftover tacos. I'll let you gripe about that in the comments.

11. Sanford and Son
Here's the full version of the Qunicy Jones song. KRS-ONE and DJ Jazzy Jeff approve of this selection (fast forward to the 4:00 mark).



10. Magnum P.I.
You knew this one would be here. It's a stitch cheesier than the rest of the songs here but it's just so fucking manly that I had to include it. If I had a 308 and this came on the radio I'd be arrested for speeding within seconds.



9. Spider-Man
Apologies to Jack Urbont, but this is the best cartoon theme of the 1960's. If I knew how to use ProTools I would make a fantastic beat out of the drums from 0:08 to 0:10. I don't know what I'd do with it though. The lyrics are admittedly campy but the music is infectiously 60's/mod. I would turn the volume up if I was on the highway. Probably not if I was cruising around with the windows down.



8. Dukes of Hazzard
Proof that my tastes include more than just big beats: a country tune! I can't find an embeddable clip so just use this link and look at this picture.



Or this video.



7. Knight Rider
Not a very good show but an oft-sampled theme song that makes my cut.



Timbaland approves:



6. China Beach
Much like Jack Urbont, Diana Ross ain't nuthing ta fuck wit.



5. Yo! MTV Raps: Ed Lover Dance
The Ed Lover Dance wasn't really the theme song for Yo! MTV Raps, but it was a prominent skit and a thoroughly enjoyable frat-party-friendly tune.



Parenthetically, it's easy to forget just how good Yo! MTV Raps was at times, due in large part to the quality of the music and lyricism of the day. Can you imagine something this lyrically impressive happening today with Lil Wayne, Soulja Boy, Waka Flocka Flame, and Gucci Mane?



4. Sesame Street - Funky Chimes Version
We've featured Funky Chimes at G:TB before and we'll do so again. It's my jam.



MF Doom approves:



3. Hung
I've only seen one episode but the intro features an early Black Keys song so it's in.



2. Boardwalk Empire
I really like Brian Jonestown Massacre. I saw them live at the Paradise in Boston and they blew me away. They were just as weird and wasted as I expected them to be and their musicianship was fantastic. Their set was a giant pulsing wall of distortion-free guitar, crisp drums, and lunatic tambourine. The entire crowd turned into defective bobbleheads, domes lolling forward and side-to-side with the throb of the music. I give their show my strongest white. It will thus surprise noone who has suffered through drunken selections from my iPod to see "Straight Up And Down" on the list, the theme song to Boardwalk Empire. Which is a very enjoyable show.



1. Miami Vice
This intro is as good as it gets, from the boobies bouncing to the bongos around 0:25 to the overall feeling of surging motion and acceleration throughout the song. The whole thing was often played on the radio at one point, and thanks to this video I now know that Jan Hammer looked like Chris Berman and dressed like Michael Irvin.

Dave posits that The Sopranos kicked off the modern age of "good" television, but I would counter that Miami Vice started the trend. The Sopranos was much better executed, but Miami Vice is a pretty impressive achievement given the limitations of network TV and the 1980's in general.



Which leads me to ask: what's the deal with 1980's swimsuit bottoms?

41 comments:

  1. i will check out "boardwalk empire," based on your strongest white and the brian jonestown massacre, who i love.

    must see documentary: "digg"

    it's about the brian jonestown massacre and the dandy warhols. really excellent.

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  2. i notice that the theme from 'the greatest american hero' is missing. please to be rectifying that.

    and the zbaby is a bit too young for 'phineas and ferb', but the theme song is an infectious dollop of ear candy.

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  3. i'm also partial to 'boss of me' by they might be giants, the theme to 'malcolm in the middle'.

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  4. Whitney would like a word:
    http://bit.ly/gGmN3y

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  5. This is not intentionally related to yesterday's post, but the Night Court theme was funky and awesome. Same for Fat Albert. And CHIPS was great too.

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  6. Fat Albert.
    And how bout a hellz yeah for The jeffersons

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  7. Gabe Kaplan disapproves of this list.

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  8. I was always partial to the Rockford Files when it comes to 70's TV themes.

    I can't help liking the A-Team theme, and if you wnat pure 80's cheese, the Hardcastle & McCormick theme is a must see.

    The folks in Cabot Cove are smarting over the omission of Murder......................................................She Wrote.

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  9. Mr. Belvedere theme song was spectacular.

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  10. I think it would be fantastic if one of the G:TB'ers could do an indepth analysis on how Benson went from the Governor's butler to the Lt. Governor.

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  11. Fat Albert, CHiPs, and The Jeffersons were all strong contenders that failed to make the cut. I expected TR to lobby for Gimme a Break. I also expected Knight Rider's inclusion to be more controversial.

    I find the theme to Welcome Back Kotter to be musically unenjoyable. Iconic, yes, listenable, no. You can put it on your own list.

    My strongest white was for BJM live, but Boardwalk Empire is one of a handful of shows that I never miss. It might be my favorite show on TV right now (because Mad Men is on hiatus). I say "might" because The Glee Project is so fucking compelling.

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  12. Good Times and Mission Impossible also missed the cut by a hair.

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  13. The Fall Guy deserves a listen, if only for the comic value of Lee Majors doing the theme song himself.

    But when I wind up in the hay, it's only hey, a-hey, hey.

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  14. I'm with Geoff on Belvedere. Magnum PI gets extra points for it's later use by Camron. And I'd like to argue with Rob on the Phineas & Ferb theme song but I know all the words and often catch myself singing along (wondering how the hell I got this old).

    Finally, few things bring a smile to my face as quickly as the sound of the Ed Lover Dance.

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  15. 104 days of summer vacation, mark. which strikes me as excessive.

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  16. Unreal. George Santayana once said, "The one who does not remember history is bound to live through it again."

    We already did this post. Nearly identically. In 2008. And we did these comments. And most of you, including Zman (under a different moniker), had precisely the same comments. Jerry, Rob, Geoff, mayhugh, Mark, Greg, even KQ chimed in.

    Not that the similarity in thoughts about 30-year-old songs should change in three years, but to see TR (under a different moniker) make the same exact Night Court comment...

    Thanks go out to Teej for being the only one firing off synapses. Of course, Teej, the evidence is right here that when you comment:

    Whitney would like a word:
    http://bit.ly/gGmN3y


    Nobody, not a single person not named Whitney will follow it.

    But if you were to write:

    Hey, dummies, go see the original version (the unabridged, verbose one) of this post and see how eerily similar Zman is to me and see how eerily similar you are to your 2008 selves by clicking here.

    ...then maybe...

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  17. Speaking of kids, remember my "baby boy for sale" comment from a few weeks back? He's no longer for sale. I will pay you $20,000 to take him from me. He refuses to sleep.

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  18. I guess worlds really did collide with this post.

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  19. The last TV theme post was only 2 days before IndyMac imploded and the Fed decided they needed to bail out Fannie and Freddie. Oddly, I'm not sure we are not about to slip into crisis mode again.

    Coincidence? I think not. Therefore, the true blame for the past financial crisis, and any coming one, should be on Whitney and ZMan.

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  20. Current me wants to beat the crap out of 2008 Me for not at least mentioning Scarecrow and Mrs. King as an extreme underdog of a catchy song.

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  21. recurring feature destined to recur. teej - you're on for the 2014 version of this post. in which the theme from 'post' gets top billing.

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  22. what the hell was i doing that day in 2008? not that i have anything new to add to that comprehensive list-- especially love that the "kids in the hall" and "hong kong phooey" are on there.

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  23. I think 95% of the success of the new Hawaii 5-0 is due to the theme song.

    And, I liked that that NBC show Ed used the Foo Fighters "Next Year" as the theme song--one of my fav Foo songs.

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  24. Eddie Murphy has to be funnier than Franco/Hathaway.

    http://tinyurl.com/3j4jmnh

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  25. gtb minisummit fantasy football draft underway. i'm sure you're all on the edge of your seats.

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  26. Romney used a Reaganesque amount of pomade.

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  27. And Herman Cain finds inspiration in a Chilean economic model?

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  28. Perry needs a new tailor. Huntsman is tragically unsmooth.

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  29. It's over. Santorum decided to defy convention and wear a 3-piece suit and a blue shirt. Gingrich was the smartest. Perry must be the frontrunner because everone but Romney took potshots at his record, including Texas' mandatory HPV vaccination policy. I guess none of them are strict constructionists who understand that issues of public health are reserved to the states.

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  30. zman, i assume we all flaked on squeaky's survivor pool

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  31. rob, you really put quite the hex on Timmy Wakefield.

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  32. a moment of silence please. dave is back to work.

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  33. On way home from old stomping grounds of North Cackalacky. Work /fun trip that I brought the fam on. Please consult with me if any of you ever consider doing such a thing (bringing fam on work trip)

    5 minutes ago I saw what I thought were antlers extending above the headrest in a car we were about to pass. So we pass this fella and sure enough the sonofabitch had a big ole stuffed deer head riding shotgun. He was sporting camouflage (the driver) so it is possible it wasn't stuffed but fresh off the killin field. I love me some Georgia.

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  34. Taxidermy is exceedingly manly.

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  35. He was driving a ford taurus. Odd I thought.

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