I've already downed two Starbucks ventis today, so I decided to do my Christmas shopping a little early this year. And, as always, I will be using the Skymall catalog to find gifts for everyone on my list...First up, the G:TB staff gifts. These will of course be shipped at the same time rob mails that bottle of Jameson to Mark:
TR - I'm willing to bet you dream of an item like this quite often. So dream no more big guy, it's all yours. And this will make your kid think you actually care about his crappy school projects.
Zoltan - When I think fantastic live musical performances, I think of one man only. The Z Man.
Whit - I wanted your new pad to look super cool, hence these. And in case you weren't getting the best vibes from your place, this will surely help you redecorate. No whining, I got you a toy as well...you're the guy on the right in the pic.
Mark - I don't really care about you, so I got these for your dogs. Fine, you can also have this "practical" item for use when the Jameson arrives.
Dennis - For those days when you can't escape the fam for 18 holes of peace and quiet (and swearing), I got you this completely unnecessary item.
Dave - I think you'll enjoy the randomness of this gift more than anyone else.
rob - Here's a little something that will help our diminutive friend with his nightly struggle to make it into bed. And this will help you get around town.
Don't think I forgot all you other fine people who frequent this space (and if I did forget you, well, sorry, the G:TB corporate card was declined...I'll have to get you next year):
Geoff - It was tough to shop for you, but I believe I found a vinner.
Jerry - Just because. Use those brain waves young man. It's items like this that make Skymall so god damn entertaining. I also got you this because, you know, your from that dumpy state and stuff.
Shlara - Because I'm a blatant sexist, here's two gifts for our favorite female fan, who I assume like all women spends 90% of their time in the kitchen (at least that's what Mark has led me to believe). All right, all right, you can also have this gem.
Dan - Why not? You can use it to keep the bookie at bay after a rough weekend. And since I don't know you at all, this seems like an item you would enjoy.
Work Jerry - I found the perfect thing for your home. And I got you this, mainly so I can come over and eat them while watching your NFL Sunday Ticket.
Mayhugh - Easiest gift to buy of anyone.
Michael Jack - For Mr. Vino, next time you travel, no worries, you won't have to leave a good bottle behind. You'll be the hit of the coach cabin. And, double bonus, in case you're still a creepy voyeur, I picked you up this as well.
Marlin - Sadly, I forgot you at first, but now that I heard you ran the NYC Marathon yesterday, I splurged and picked you up this.
Greg - I failed you as well, frequent visitor to this space. So, to make it up to you, I got you this for the drowning of sorrows and such.
Posts
35 comments:
Love 'em, Teej. Thanks, buddy. Enjoyed the Shlara gifts the most.
But before you piss off Cap Noonan or some other drunk Irishman, Jameson is singular -- in name, and in quality.
Correction made...and to make up for my blunder, I bought Cap this.
i'm honored. and laughing quite a bit too.
Poor Marlin gets nothing. The guy ran the marathon yesterday, overcoming a twisted ankle in Crooklyn, and you couldn't find a shower wand, leather book cover or antique globe for the guy?
Awesome! Cap has been saying he wanted that shillelagh.
Nice work. My girlfriend's parents actually have that globe/bar contraption at their house. Classy.
If anybody is still looking for a gift for me, I'll gladly take the Bigfoot lawn ornament.
I have actually made a purchase from the SkyMall catalogue once in my life.
And it's gonna sound like I'm lying, but I bought Rob this as a wedding present. No kidding.
And I'm irked I can't find it on Skymall now. I just used mine on Saturday for two with yellow and hots.
Marlin gift pending...I had to open a new line of credit, the G:TB card was maxed out.
Oh, yeah, and I do have the globe thing as well. The smaller table-top version -- only really holds the 375ml bottles.
I make a pretty kickasserole myself - maybe next year.
Next year we'll do Secret Santa and re-gift all this crap to each other.
The Product Reviews for the Bigfoot lawn ornament make me laugh. And make me sad.
The reviewer who is "Male, 31-35" and begins the review with "Ever since I was a little girl" does both. When she writes, "He is HUGE, just over two feet tall" I have to think that Rob might impress her mightily.
"Dude you gotta take a shit. You smell like a Yeti!"
if not for the age given, i would have guessed that product reviewer was your newly crowned, genderqueer, homecoming queen, which i had hoped to give to all of you for a date-night with...ze has agreed to do so
a pet bed ramp! how did you know?
Thanks Teedge! I expected a lump of coal like this:
http://tinyurl.com/ye9zwec
Omission of Gregory rectified.
Whit—I’ll trade you the electronic feng shui compass for the “Shlara’s Kickasserole” dish, b/c I’m sure you can make a better casserole than I do. Maybe you can re-gift it to Jerome since he boasts of his casserole capabilities.
All I know is someone better bring a kickasserole to the staff potluck.
from past post's, is it safe to assume that "potluck" for this group means something other than true meaning? (if i remembered how to embed, i would do so here)
sorry rob, i meant "posts", sans apostrophe
I have no idea what you could mean Dan.
noteworthy that shlara wants to keep the 'shlara's hot buns' container.
Thanks Teej. I picked one of these up for you.
http://tinyurl.com/HotCarlP
Zoltan - I think you will love your gift. I saw a man of color freestyling on such a device in the middle of Hasidic Williamsburg, which is the most desolate part of the marathon course. Strangely, the locals did not enjoy it as much as the runners.
say it ain't so, big man. bill walton is retiring from broadcasting.
This inspired me to start thinking about some Christmas shopping. This thing pays for itself if you have 20 cassettes and/or records laying around that you want to digitize. Let me know if you know of a better alternative.
http://tinyurl.com/ybfwkj2
that's a great xmas present (bill walton retiring)
It's better to give than it is to receive. So here you go:
Rob
Dennis
TJ
Dave
or
Dave
Mark
Jerry
Zoltan
Shlara
Geoff
any of you guys
Greg
dick
Walton is/was terrible. JVG is the man on color commentary. I liked him as a coach, really liked him as a coach after he bashed the infiltration of God into locker rooms and loved him after he started doing games.
I became a JVG fan after he parked his Civic too close to the team jet and the jet's engines blew the car down the runway.
Friday's edition of Science has an article titled "A Little Fellatio Goes a Long Way" which concludes "The discovery suggests there may be a biological advantage to fellatio."
No kidding.
http://tinyurl.com/yag9mbv
that article will be posted on my wife's vanity by the time she goes to bed tonight. yet another great xmas present.
Post a Comment