So sit back, light a fattie, give somebody a mouth-kiss and enjoy Day Two of the Twelve Days of Gheorghe-mas. On Day Two, we subscribe to the "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" school of originality, originally made famous by Lord Thomas of the Doobievilles, who set an unofficial internet record by posting 839 consecutive YouTube videos as blog entries. By "don't fix it" we mean posting new unflattering photos of another member of the editorial staff, of course.
On the first day of Gheorghe-mas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
A fat guy in a jer-sey
On the second day of Gheorghe-mas
Big Gheorghe gave to me
Two sweet 'stache photos
And a fat guy in a jer-sey
Rhymo, you so fine, there's no telling where the money went.
ReplyDeleteThree other high school friends joined me for a mustache night on Saturday. Three of us grew beards or goatees for at least one month, only to shave it down for one big night. The fourth guy just grew a straight 'stache for 3 weeks. It was weak and wispy, which made it even more awesome.
ReplyDeleteOne friend bought a white track suit from JC Penney's and wore it with white sneakers and his 'stache that night. He drank scotch and spoke like Bela Karolyi. It was fantastic, even though he wouldn't follow our suggestion and go around the bar, asking men if they had 8 year-old daughters.
This is NOT the Gheorghe-mas spirit:
ReplyDeletePARRISH — A 37-year-old man who lives with his parents was arrested on a felony assault charge after he used a Christmas tree as a weapon in an attempted attack on his father, according to a sheriff’s report.
Hey Mark, take a wild guess what state this occurred in:
ReplyDeleteA knife-wielding 7-year-old first-grader robbed a 6-year-old classmate of one dollar, in a school bathroom, authorities said today.
Brilliant. I'm using the second photo for the wallpaper on my blackberry.
ReplyDeleteA word of caution on doing that, Z-Man. It may bring women around you into a state of spontaneous orgasm (a la Kim Cattrall in the locker room in Porky's).
ReplyDeleteYou've been warned.
That is one thick, hearty mustache. One of the best novelty 'staches I've ever seen.
ReplyDeleteAnd Jerry knows novelty 'staches.
ReplyDeleteHow in hell did any of your wife's relatives speak to you with a straight face over the holiday?
ReplyDeleteThey probably just shrugged the mustache off as one of those "typical Rhymenocerous" things. They were likely happy that he had all his clothes on and that he didn't blast any Motley Crue towards the end of the evening.
ReplyDeleteThey spoke to me with trepidation and awe because I looked so bad-ass.
ReplyDeleteDidn't Rhymo drive his car through the front of a 7-11 and "ruin Christmas" one year? Or did I make that up?
ReplyDeleteI believe that is a true story...rhymo, care to confirm?
ReplyDeleteYes. This happened in college. I was totally hammered and wanted a Slim Jim. Actually, that's not true. I was despondent and wanted to end it all. Actually, that's not true either. It was late, I was wearing clunky boots, driving a ridiculous car that I was unfamiliar with (Dodge Raider), and I got a little up-close and personal with a convenience store. It turned out to be one expensive pack of smokes I wanted.
ReplyDeleteThe best part of the night was the guy who always worked the late-night shift there. He CRANKED classic rock all night, every night when he was working. He used to see me stumble in bleary-eyed at a late hour all the time b/c I was a 5-minute walk away. If I wasn't walking home from the local bar, I would have friends or cabs drop me off there so I could buy food and eat it while staggering home.
Anyhow, the guy working saw the accident. He ran out and asked if I was okay. I said yes. He then he asked if I needed to get anything out of the car before the cops came. He was either very nice, or looking to filch a bag off of me. Sadly, there was no bag. Not good times.
I would buy anything this man is selling...and sell him anything he's buying. Cars, watches, first born, second born, my soul, his soul, anything.
ReplyDeletefrom michael litos this morning:
ReplyDeleteWilliam& Mary set a school and CAA record with 46 three-point attempts in a double-overtime loss at Liberty last Saturday. David Schneider also broke school and CAA marks for treys attempted by a player as he launched 23 threes against the Flames. For the season, Schneider leads the league with 3.9 three-pointers made per game.
the old chuck and duck offense. nice.
That record would have easily been held by our very own Dennis if he had decided to walk on...
ReplyDeleteThe CAA record for technical fouls also would have been in jeopardy.
ReplyDeleteDennis can fill a stat sheet all right.
ReplyDeleteLove the 7-11 story.
ReplyDeleteHad to double-check the author--sounds very Whitney-esque to me.
I've made my peace with basketball officials:
ReplyDelete"Once one accepts another as spawn from the devil, one cannot begrudge another's transgressions."
--2nd Corinthians, Chapter 6, Verse 9
Dennis, there is absolutely no place for Bible talk during Gheorghe-mas.
ReplyDeleteThessolonians, Chapter 7, verse 1: "TJ, I don't think that's really from the Bible you dumbshit."
ReplyDeleteWow, you think? What would I ever do without you...
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to write Thessalonians...
ReplyDeleteIf you're fat...but you're not sure you look quite as fat as you'd like, wearing suspenders is a good way to go.
ReplyDeleteI know you DC/Virginia farts are past your drinking (with the exception of Whitney, who's the Barry Bonds or Roger Clemens of drinking), but I can't believe there hasn't been more of a triumphant roar about this headline, especially from the filthy liberals:
ReplyDeleteHoping to tap in to an inaugural bonanza, the D.C. Council Tuesday night voted in favor of extending last call to 5 a.m. and allow bars and restaurants to serve food around the clock during inauguration week.
Millions of visitors are expected to descend on the city to celebrate Barack Obama's presidential swearing-in on Jan. 20. The council hopes to accommodate the throng by allowing licensed restaurants and taverns to serve drinks later and to keep their doors open 24 hours a day for the whole week.
At the request of Mayor Adrian M. Fenty, a Democrat, the legislation excluded nightclubs, which would have had to continue observing the current closing hour of 2 a.m. However, council member David A. Catania, at-large independent, moved after the vote to remove the nightclub exclusion from the bill, and his amendment carried 8-5.
Like this guy?
ReplyDeleteDoes that make Garrett Pendleton the Brien Taylor of drinking?
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the way my name is being bandied about today here, even if I was associated with those douchewhistles Clemens & Bonds. (And I do protest that no illegal supplements keep my numbers up.)
ReplyDeletepunish! you ALWAYS punish. even if it makes no sense. even if it means making more and more "punisher" movies. speaking of jokes for one-- i told the elliott wedding II toast story to my class the other day.
ReplyDeletealso, jesse marino is one of my old students, if you are wondering (he commented yesterday about "chinese democracy.")
Ah, yes. The inside joke for one or two people's benefit on a blog comment is only slightly off-putting. The same for a crowded wedding reception toast takes some serious gall. (And that we went back-to-back with them was an open-bar touch of brilliance.)
ReplyDeleteBoys of Boeheim...try not to lose to Cornell please.
ReplyDeleteentertaining tilt in comcast tonight, karma leads odu over richmond, and indiana may not win again this year.
ReplyDeleteAndddd the Wiz lose again...
ReplyDeleteThe CAA continues to get their asses handed to them: ECU beat UNC-W and freakin' Longwood beat JMU.
ReplyDeleteThis Michigan State-Carolina game has potential...
ReplyDeletePrior to tonight no one had ever had a triple double at Tenn? I find that very surprising.
ReplyDeleteNot a very rich history of men's basketball at UT.
ReplyDeleteI guess I figured there had to be some fluke performance just once in the program's history. Nope.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, the Big East has some verrry good basketball teams (and I'm not even being biased and counting Cuse right now in that group).
Honestly, could you imagine if a young Vitale was your college coach? I'd shoot myself in the huddle.
ReplyDeletecarolina's fun to watch in transition. i hate that i said that, but it's true.
ReplyDeleteUNC is fucking loaded. Its a joke how deep they are. And the Big East is the toughest conference in the history of ever.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like Digger.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I realize that was sarcasm.
ReplyDeleteSo wait, now the Diuretic Fattys from the Vikings can play this week?
Yeah, and I read precisely this far in the article before I formed my unalterable opinion on how that came to be:
ReplyDelete"MINNEAPOLIS -- A Minnesota judge
Home. Town. Cookin'. Mmmmmmm, mmm.
I've liked what I've seen of the Orangemen so far this year, but like you hinted at, let's see what happens when conference play begins.
ReplyDeleteIs that Kevin Nash in the citicard concert ad?
ReplyDeleteI don't care what Dickie V thinks, Hyper Gay Muppet will not avg 15 a game in the pros for years.
ReplyDeleteI had the same thought about Nash.
ReplyDeleteThe guy on this pictures is Handsome! very cute! amanda vanderpool fashion
ReplyDelete