Friday, May 06, 2005

GTB presents "The Week of the Bama"

As sands through the hourglass, so go the Bamas of our lives. My god, there have been some donkey performances this week. Where do we begin?

Paul Pierce - What the fuck was he doing last night?? Take the foul, make the free throws, and be happy to escape Conseco Fieldhouse with a W in Game 6. Do not overreact and throw a forearm shiver because you didn't like getting smacked in the face (and yes, there was definitely some flop thrown in by Tinsley). That game was the most entertaining, frustrating, exciting, brutal...hell, I'll let Doc Rivers take a shot at describing it: "That is the craziest ... game I've ever seen in my life". I hate to admit it, because he belongs on this list most nights, but 'Toine saved them again. Of course, if the refs ever called a travel, Walker would never get a shot off in the low post, but hey, it's the NBA. Game 7, tomorrow night, 7pm. This is gonna be good.

Kellen Winslow Jr. - Man, I feel for Johnny G, blapanese superstar softball player and Browns diehard. I don't get it, was Winslow psyched after watching Biker Boyz on Showtime and wanted to impress his posse? I thought only kids trying to get their license drive around a parking lot going 35 mph? When are guys gonna learn that riding a motorcycle is detrimental to their health? (heeeeeello, Jason Williams??? Jeff Kent???) Winslow looks to be out for the entire season...his dad must be so proud.

The Runaway Bride and her fiance John Mason - She's a lunatic, finally snapped, and took a bus to Albuquerque (what is she, Bugs Bunny?). He goes on the god awful Sean Hannity show and says he's gonna take her back. Moron. May these two idiotic lovebirds fade away quickly, because I can't take anymore.
UPDATE: This is why I love the New York Post. Read the article. I will simply tell you the title is "Chaste-y Retreat."

Jeff Van Gundy - OK JVG, the Commish wants you in a body bag, and you're not a very attractive man. However, those points aside, your team has just forced a Game 7, after a stellar Game 6 from T-Mac. Even the corpse of Dikembe Mutombo produced last night (10 boards, 4 blocks, 1 bottle of lotion). Game 7, tomorrow night, 9:30pm, the back end of what should be a great playoff doubleheader.

The entire 25-man roster of the New York Yankees - Hey assholes, you're in last place, tied now with the Devil Rays, who just took 3 straight from you. Alex "Dirty" Sanchez, of all people, made you his bitch last night. 11-18, in the AL East cellar, and no sign of breaking through. I am not ready to throw in the towel yet, but if shit continues at this pace the next 4 weeks, the Bronx Zoo will be returning full force (Gammons says they have until Memorial Day, and Gammons is God). Bonus Bama - Kevin Brown. No explanation required.

Kwame Brown - Not to beat a dead horse, but man oh man Kwame you are a donkey. The immaturity and poor decision-making have cost him a chance to be a part of the most exciting Wizards basketball run in 20 years (yes, it was a Bullets run back then, but you get the point). I am very curious to see where he ends up next year. Portland anyone?

Barry Bonds - Barry is on this list because he simply annoys the hell out of me. There are more conspiracy theories surrounding Bonds' surgeries and rehab than the NBA playoffs and referees. Plus, I thought I got a steal in my fantasy draft taking Bonds for 10 bucks, but he's really screwing me with his repeated trips to Dr. Giggles and extended rehab. Speaking of his doctor, Arthur J. Ting, he's been reprimanded twice by the CA Medical Board and is currently on probation for unprofessional conduct. Sounds about right.

Don't forget, 8pm tonight, just blocks from GTB's homebase, the Washington Wizards attempt to make the 2nd round of the playoffs for the first time since 1982. The stars of that team: Greg Ballard, Jeff Ruland, and Spencer Haywood. Woooooooooow. Go Wiz (and put a hand in Pargo's face please).

14 comments:

  1. Um, we have an international contender:

    NEW DELHI (Reuters) - An Indian man who left his wife and two young children two years ago shocked his family when he returned home as an eunuch, wearing garish red lipstick, the Asian Age newspaper said Thursday.

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  2. A reason to celebrate:

    On this date in 1992, Whitney Houston announced her engagement to Bobby Brown, during her first TV special, "This Is My Life."

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  3. Phew, I was worried he was dead:

    NEW YORK -- The Fridge is back in heavyweight competition.

    William "The Refrigerator" Perry will challenge the world's top speed-eaters on Tuesday in a cake-eating contest celebrating the first birthday of TripRewards, the world's largest hotel rewards program.

    Perry, best known for being a member of the Chicago Bears when they won the 1986 Super Bowl, debuted in speed-eating during Nathan's Famous hot dog-eating contest in 2003. He didn't fare well and was no match for the world-record holder, 132-pound phenom Takeru Kobayashi, who finished with a winning total of 44½ hot dogs eaten in 12 minutes.

    Perry comes in at more than 200 pounds above Kobayashi's weight.

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  4. I just got this email. Should I be frightened?

    "Also... the Teamsters are in the building. Mr. Jimi will be bringing them around in less than 30 minutes."

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  5. Why are you guys meating with the Teamsters? You are on our team, not theirs. Tell them to go "rest their eyes" in someone else's workplace.

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  6. No worries Geoffy, we aren't meeting with them, they are here to push around crates and boxes for our meeting next week. Mainly they are just standing by the elevators.

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  7. Not matter what they say about Paula Abdul, you can't take "Rush Rush" away from her. What a masterpiece.

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  8. Her best song is Straight Up. Anyone who disagrees sucks cock by choice.

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  9. Cold Hearted Snake, anyone? Let's not act like it never happened, ok?

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  10. Yeah, Coldhearted is pretty good. And the video gave me mini-wood back in the day.

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  11. Come on, how good was "Opposites Attract"? And that video...

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  12. Nope. Straight Up and Coldhearted stand above the rest. Opposites Attract is 2nd tier with Forever Your Girl.

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  13. Blog surfing...

    Lame
    http://everyjim.blogspot.com/

    Really Lame
    http://furniturerc.blogspot.com/
    http://scubarc.blogspot.com/

    Huh?
    http://kentuckyderbythoroughbredbetting.blogspot.com/
    http://ponderingdirt.blogspot.com/

    So bad it's funny
    http://useless411.blogspot.com/
    http://stephenbennett.blogspot.com/
    http://scotland101.blogspot.com/
    http://prairieoyster.blogspot.com/

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  14. Derrek Lee, Cubs. At 6-5, he's tall for a first baseman, but he was recruited by Dean Smith to play shooting guard at North Carolina.

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