Don't read any of the articles from the past couple of years foreboding this tragic event based on politically administered blinders and willful stupidity. It will only elevate blood pressures. We need a distraction from the horribleness.
So, let's salute all that is Houston, why don't we?
Like George Foreman, who grills and fights!
Pastor / pass rusher Reggie White
And Mary Lou Retton in those tights!
Bowling for Soup, kind of lame
Whitney Houston -- it's just her name!
Baseball player James Loney
And Craig James, he was called The Pony!
Nolan Ryan, 7 no-hitters
Roger Clemens, he's just bitter!
Michael Strahan, Giant sacker
Donald Driver, Green Bay Packer!
Berkeley Breathed, Bloom County was funny
Jeff Bezos has lots of money!
Eccentric cool, Howard Hughes
Not so much, eh, Ted Cruz?!
Clint Black, Lyle Lovett
Kenny Rogers, gotta love it!
The guy from Big Bang Theory
Both Quaid brothers? It's almost eerie!
Good ol' Clyde "The Glide" Drexler
Shelley Duvall, I wanna sex her!
Race car driver AJ Foyt
Houston's still better than Detroit!
Beyoncé, she sure can croon
Houston's puttin' people on the moon!
Shannon Elizabeth without her top
All three guys from ZZ Top!
Houston's big, like my tush
President George H.W. Bush!
Walter Cronkite, that's the way it was
Stupid is as W does!Texans, Rockets, Phi Slamma Jamma
Cougars rule -- don't mean your mamma!
Rodeo, go rope some calves
You have not what Houston haves!
Anna Nicole and Jaclyn Smith
Two girls I'd have liked to get with!
The cool guy who directed RushmoreJoel Osteen should prob'ly shush more!
Adam big ol' Donkey Dunn
Houston people are so much fun!
Ken Houston, famous Skin
The Houston Astros sure do win!
Astroturf in the Astrodome
If you like homers, you'd better go home!
The Snake, White Shoes, the Tyler Rose
Your nickname isn't as cool as those!
Remember what BJ Thomas said
Raindrops are falling on my head!
The best of all? You'll think I'm crazyGotta be my boy Patrick Swayze!!
This list is done -- oh, wait, damn
I almost forgot to mention Sam!
This silly list contains no spoilers
But listen to the Houston Oilers!
The early 90s Houston Oilers are one of my all time favorite random football teams. The run and shoot, an awesomely underrated name and uniforms and special teams ace Bubba McDowell.
ReplyDeletekudos, whit. even if you rhymed 'top' with 'Top'. the capitalization makes all the difference.
ReplyDeleteI also rhymed Lovett with love it. Simpsonian.
ReplyDeleteWhit's post is too good to bump for this, but if you would like, go vote for my kitten in this thing:
ReplyDeleteVOTE HERE
"Cheddar, a six-toed kitten bursting with sound and fury, came to us from a shelter in Mississippi via AWLA. He was instantly welcomed into our home by Rey, his older sister and also a AWLA alumnus. In their downtime, they recreate early 80s detective shows, though filming is often interrupted by video game-like parkour moves from Cheddar (he is also a huge fan of the 1985 film "Gymkata"). Though not yet of drinking age, Cheddar longs for Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain, he's not much into health food, but he is into champagne. #VoteChed #Ched2020"
I check Cheddar like a food inspector. In my experience male orange or yellow tabbies grow to be yoooodge, over 20 pounds. Cool cat.
ReplyDeleteAnd strong effort on the post.
ReplyDeleteNice job Whit. My only quibbles are with the aforementioned "top" fiasco and your lustful desire for Shelly Duvall
ReplyDeleteI really thought her breathtaking performance in The Shining overshadowed that of her male co-star.
ReplyDeleteAs between Shelly and Robert I'd go with Shelly.
ReplyDeletenice whit. i read that to the tune of "this one goes to 11."
ReplyDeletethe weeds is normally pretty annoying as far as podcasts go, but the new one about the politics of floods, flood insurance, and how this is analogous to healthcare is a good listen. it won't make you all that mad, either.
That fits, Dave, but the verses are most appropriately sung in a Texas twang. Rootsy could probably hit it.
ReplyDeleteJersey Dave's Southern accent always makes me chuckle, though.
I'd go with Shonna Tucker given the post's title.
ReplyDeleteGood work, Z. 1 of 2 DBT refs in here.
ReplyDeleteYeah, but I think they're putting people on the moon over in Huntsville.
ReplyDeleteLucked out in getting paired with a nice young man from Houston today in an event here at TPC...Cole Hammer. His name may ring a bell to the golf viewers - he was the snot-nosed 15-year old that played in the US Open 2 years ago at Chambers Bay - the youngest ever to do so. Nice kid. Kinda good at golf. Heading to UT next year where he committed as an.....8th grader.
ReplyDeleteI shot a 109 today. Maybe not Cole Hammer level stuff, but it was my best round by far, and only factored in a few holes' worth of cheating. Played alone during an 8 AM tee time. Finished the round in 2 hours and 69 minutes. Was pretty fun, considering my driver was behaving. And nobody to judge me when I had some yellow American beers on the back 9.
ReplyDeleteOther vacation highlight - my 10 y/o reeled in a 4-ft Bonnethead/Shovel-nose Shark y/day. Personal best for my little Iranian Polacks. They refused to cut the heart out and bite into it, which makes me love them a bit less.
TR is my kinda golfer, except maybe the solo round part. Too much time alone with my thoughts gets scary.
ReplyDeleteNot my kind of angler, however.
Mark Brunell just said this of jags qb .... "Brandon Allen with a good first half aside from the 3 interceptions."
ReplyDeleteOther than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?
ReplyDeletetribe hoops just released this season's noncon schedule. at ohio state is tasty. mason in fairfax is fun for us nova folks. odu in whitney's backyard. at tcu for you christians.
ReplyDeleteAnybody catch the Seth Rogen / Bill Mitchell twitter kerfuffle? I laughed pretty good and hard.
ReplyDeleteNow, obviously I'm likely to side with the anti-Trump/funny Clowntown rather than the Trumpie/deranged Jonestown, but two things:
1. Anybody in this era who tweets: The hilarious part about @Sethrogen lying about "being in meetings," is that he actually ISN'T in meetings - at all. Think about that.
...is so far removed from reality, humor, and taking life less seriously that I cannot possibly ever read another scribbling of his that isn't being mocked.
2. The whole exercise reminded me way too much of a good friend's wedding at which the bride's two Clearwater/FSU baseball a-hole buzzcut brothers tried over an extended perioid to challenge me to a fight after a series of silly but harmless antics of mine. Each time I pretended to believe they were joking and patted them on the back, saying, "You guys are hilarious. I love you assholes!" Which only perplexed their feeble minds and fueled their desire to pummel me. Lasted a long time. Fuck those assholes.
(That sounds tough but I'm reasonably sure those fucksticks can't read.)
Taro Daniel hits his forehand like he has a broken arm and yet he's beating Nadal.
ReplyDelete