Been a long Tuesday for TR: a 12.5 hour workday that started with me leaving the house to 8 degree weather at 5:30 AM, all kinds of work stuff that was annoying to me (and is totally irrelevant to you), and a frenzied rush to the train home amid subway delays (the Shuttle train, no less!).
Anyhoo, as I prepared to deboard my train at my station at 8:10 PM, I got this text from my wife:
"(Boy #2) is starting to act up. I asked him what book he wanted to read and he said the 'my penis is fat' book. So that's where we're at. I didn't yell but told him I was going to tell you. He seemed scared."
Welcome home, husband! There is nothing resembling dinner around, and you need to explain to a 6 y/o boy that, regardless of his genital attributes: 1) there is no readily available literature on the topic, 2) he should not be requesting a book of that ilk in the first place, least of all to his mother, and 3) last but not least (as it regards my son), when you respond to your mother with a comment like that, my boy, things will end badly for you.
There was some denial, some stern lecturing, some tears, some children's shows wiped from the DVR, some hugging and then some apologizing from the little guy.
And then I had some suboptimal dinner. And then I went on the internet. Turns out there doesn't appear to be any pertinent literature on that topic available on amazon.com.
Pls beat Kentucky, LSU, so you maintain a snowball's chance in hell of making it to the tourney.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to see with the new 30 for 30 and the new FX show devoted to him, that finally, after 20+ years, O.J. Simpson will be getting the TV time he deserves.
ReplyDelete"Girth" is a good label. Well done.
ReplyDeleteIt will continue to bring that eclectic internet traffic we covet so much.
ReplyDeletean additional label option: "tuna can"
ReplyDeleteTR, I realize this is your life and it's probably stressful, but I find it hilarious.
ReplyDeleteThanks for shaing
i've been sick since saturday. is this where i come to whine about it?
ReplyDeleteMaybe shouldn't have drank so much during the holidays, Rob? Get control of yourself.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I can relate to the whole "wait until Dad gets home strategy". Not because we use that (yet) but because that was one of my Mom's go strategies for discipline (along with whacking me with a wooden spoon).
ReplyDeleteWhen I was particularly unruly, she'd utter those words and I'd spend the next hour or so in fear. My Dad drove an old 67 Mustang (it wasn't glamorous, he'd owned it since 1969) that was loud as hell. I could hear it coming from a block away. When I heard it rumbling down the street I was paralyzed with fear of what he'd do. He never did much more than TR described but that fear was more than enough to motivate to get my act together. Kind of sucks that Dad's often have to be the bad cop but often that's what it takes, especially with boys.
Was it something I said/typed? It was...wasn't it?
ReplyDeletemy mom was big on the wooden spoon and "wait until dad gets home" as well, and my dad is a large sicilian man and he was director of corrections (he ran all the jails) so he wasn't someone you wanted to mess with-- but he wasn't much of a bad cop, it was more the boredom of listening to the lecture that was the punishment. my wife is the bad cop in our house (unless i really lose it and throw a completed lego set into the trash . . . my go to move when i totally lose my shit).
ReplyDeletei would have laughed my ass off if my kid said that, however. my kids never say anything that funny! i really like how he added "book" after the "my penis is fat" portion of the joke.
also, i prefer "disembark" to "deboard." we're trying to run a class act here, girthman.
What are you, some kinda English teacher?
ReplyDeletesomeone should do a post about dave's dad's made-up language. squanzoole.
ReplyDeleteMark's dad is from the future.
ReplyDeleteSame here...mom used to pull that shit often. I remember one time I was on the phone w/Va Tech pal. We must have been in 8th or 9th grade. Didn't think anyone was home...throwing the f'bomb around like it was my job, among other gems specific to the anatomy of a female. Bad language in our catholic household was a no no. None too impressed was big daddy. Boy did I shit my pants when after the conversation I get off the phone and I hear...."Danny...." from the next room. FUUUUUCCK!!! Memories.
Gonna have a cocktail tonight I think. Who is with me?
Just read that Keri Russell and her costar in the Americans are dating....and pregnant.
ReplyDeleteShlara....did we already have the conversation about Leasa Heaves being another mutual friend? We were pals at jmu... I think she is the 3rd or so mutual outside of the gtb clan?
ReplyDeleteHa!....Neaves
ReplyDeleteThe Grinder....it is pretty decent.
ReplyDeletethe grinder? forget it, he's rolling.
ReplyDeletePiazza in the Hall. Happy, a little surprised because I'd convinced myself the BBWAA (pronounced bwaahaaahaaa) would lump him in with some others. Very happy. Wish Evan Lloyd could see his buddy's little brother now.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't going to have a cocktail tonight but now Danimal has me thinking.
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw Keri Russell and Mathew Rhys were having a kid I had to double take to make sure they weren't talking about on the show. Didn't even realize they were dating.
Anybody see Bob Ryan go in on Mark Jackson on LeBatard today? I believe the key phrase was "bible thumping phony". WOO!!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you Danimal but have kept it to beer and wine. For now.
ReplyDeleteI kept it to my 24 oz Lagunitas IPA train beer and a Two Roads Double IPA after rassling the wee ones to bed. I am on an indefinite brown liquor hiatus.
ReplyDeleteFYI - the Maryland-Rutgers game was not as close as the 88-63 score suggested. Terps were up 69-34 midway into the second half. Maryland-Michigan State on 1/23 will be a fun one.
That's a nice bumper on the train. How's the Two Roads? Haven't seen it, Jersey beer?
ReplyDeleteMurrilyn got game.
Danimal--between Hburg people at W&M and half my high school going to JMU, I'm sure we know a lot of people in common.
ReplyDeleteWe should schedule a round of golf at one of your fancy courses and can play the name game in between drives and putts.
Also--Keri and Matthew live in Brooklyn Heights--they are spotted around town often (on bikes, getting coffee, shopping, etc). One of my friends sees them ALL THE TIME. I keep asking her to ask them what's going to happen with Paige this season...she just gives me a horrified look when I say that...
I haven't had a drop to drink since NYE. Seems like longer ago than it was. Looking to go all of January . . . with one major mulligan, maybe two if our lads can squeak out a win.
ReplyDeletei'm sure the tribe will win at least once in january, whit. you should have multiple tippling opportunities.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure he's talking about soldiers winning the war on terror, Rob.
ReplyDeleteTwo Roads is a CT beer. And a damn good one.
that's probably right, tr. or it's a reference to the new coach of the us eagles rugby squadron.
ReplyDeleteLooks like I picked the wrong week to go balls deep investing in the Shanghai Composite Index.
ReplyDeleteMark - thoughts on Lovie? Bucs record wasn't terrible, I think they went .500 in their division (though 2 of their other wins came against the poopy NFC East). The justification for the division seems to largely rely on how they lost their final 4 games, but they seemed to be competitive in all but the Carolina game.
ReplyDeleteImprobably, David Eckstein got 2 votes for the Baseball Hall of Fame. Sounds like a Bite Me, Randy Newman.
ReplyDeleteThe Bucs ownership is a mess and has been for some time. They don't have great direction or leadership and that's reflected in what will soon be four head coaches in 6 years.
ReplyDeleteAs for Lovie, his defenses have been terrible and the team has been undisciplined. I'm okay with his firing as I believe it would've happened next year anyway. Doing this because you can't stand the idea of losing Dirk Koetter? Eh.
whit is teetotalling?
ReplyDeletehe still hasn't explained the mathematics of his new year's eve sleep in.
More on Trump's status in Scotland...on the 18th, parliament will debate whether or not to ban him entirely after 200k+ people signed a petition asking them to do so. He has since warned that with him would go 1b in investment in the country.
ReplyDeleteAnd on the Cheers front, I just started season 2. Season 1 was 21 episodes. 21!
ReplyDeleteBan him from Scotland?
ReplyDeletetribe builds a 17-point halftime lead, coasts to a 72-63 win at drexel. whitney can drink.
ReplyDeleteYup. And England. And Wales. And Northern Ireland. The UK.
ReplyDeletePetition up to almost 600k
ReplyDeleteWhat about the Isle of Jersey and the Isle of Man?
ReplyDeleteSure. Throw them in there also.
ReplyDeleteJmu lost to Elon tonight. I'm not up on CAA hoops like you know who, but if I were, my hunch would be that losing to Elon would be a not so good sign of things to come?
Isle of Jersey sounds like a glamorous spot.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget Wight and Islay.
ReplyDeleteAnd the Isle of Staten.
ReplyDeleteIsle of Wight festival in '70 was a stone groove. Last time I saw Hendrix.
ReplyDeleteNow THAT is funny. 'Cause it's true.
ReplyDelete