So it's with no small sense of gratitude that we congratulate the San Francisco Department of Public Health for shaking the mothballs (wait for it) off one of the members (wait...) of its hard-working (wait...) staff (almost there...) in service of men's health. We're pleased to announce the return of The Healthy Penis to duty, doing his part to remind men of the need to be tested for STDs and HIV.According to sfgate.com, The Healthy Penis caused some controversy when he initially debuted in 2002 (actually, three differently hued Healthy Penii were unveiled at that time), but became a beloved community mascot. From the sfgate.com story:
San Francisco may have banned the exposure of genitalia, but that’s not stopping the Department of Public Health from bringing back its giant Healthy Penis. Yes, the beloved six-foot-tall mascot for safe sex is literally coming out of the closet and will be back at parades and other city events – and this time he comes with free penis-shaped stress toys!Most of us already have free penis-shaped stress toys, but anything that promotes healthy manparts is okay with us.
(Editor's note: we don't love that photo, but we'll be damned if we were going to do a Google Image search for 'healthy penis'.)
[Other editor's note: TMarls wanted the pic below added to the post, showing a plethora of penises (penii? penes?) and one STD crunchberry]
A healthy penis has teeth? For vagina dentata I guess.
ReplyDeletewhy are those new penii wearing clothes? and are the clothes designed by members only?
ReplyDeleteit's a new boy band, 'PeeN Sync
ReplyDeletei see arms also. teeth and arms, with hands. that'd be cool. you could play with yourself and play with yourself and play with yourself...
ReplyDeleteWhy aren't the undersides of their nuts covered?
ReplyDeleteIs that raspberry-looking-thing supposed to be a herpes canker?
ReplyDeleteYour balls are showing.
ReplyDeleteBumblebee Tuna.
They must be those polyester coaches shorts.
ReplyDeleteNo stray hairs...shaved up pretty nicely. Balls are very perky and full. Ball envy.
ReplyDeleteSwam this morning in similar trunks. Lane partner not happy.
Maybe it's supposed to be sexy like underboob?
ReplyDeleteI need a jaunty ascot for my wang, but the vest might be a bit much.
ReplyDeleteIslander playoff hockey for the first time since 2007. Color me excited. However, not excited by the thought of them playing the resurgent Capitals. The DC bandwagon must be in full swing at this point.
Why is the brown shlong not significantly bigger?
ReplyDeletedefinitely should be a johnson wearing a Starter jacket
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's Emmanuel Lewis when he showered with the Boston Celtics.
ReplyDeleteI'd probably root for the Isles over the Caps.
ReplyDeletewhy is the white pecker (the cauc cock, if you will) clean-shaven?
ReplyDeleteI'd root for the Rangers over the Caps. Fuck Dale Hunter. Scumbag of the first degree.
ReplyDeletedale hunter is no longer with the caps, for what it's worth. and i'm pulling for adam oates. always liked that dude.
ReplyDeleteYou aren't clean shaven?
ReplyDeletepenis pics are always great for gtb activity
ReplyDeleteI'm aware that Mr. Hunter put his tail between his legs and returned to the OHL but as his number is retired by the Caps, they will continue to receive my scorn.
ReplyDeleteThat Marley Marls didn't use "huge penis" to describe Dale Hunter seems like a wasted opportunity.
ReplyDeleteSo this happened...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=bPgevg4JHRw
i'll need a bit more description before following that link from my work computer.
ReplyDeleteJust another stereotypical slur against a religion by a GOP State Rep.
ReplyDeleteAnd didn't you do one of those Tough Mudder races? A guy drowned at the one in WVA. http://goo.gl/U8J1U
Well then, I'm definitely not doing it. I was thisclose
ReplyDeleteWhere are the G:TBabes to comment on our phallus photos? Perhaps they're at work, where this post is cock-blocked.
ReplyDeletereading the article on the tough mudder - a person was also treated for electric shock? that's a new one. sounds like this one up there in wva was a tougher mudder.
ReplyDeletewould like to train up and do one of those at some point. they have one here next month - i'd commit to one in '14...team gtb bitches.
ReplyDeleteClarigor, the "tough" mudder is not as hard or dangerous as they want you to believe. I did one back in December. I'm sure you've had rugby practices that were more difficult.
ReplyDeleteIt's a lot of fun though: a nice run through the woods with friends and some obstacles on the way. I'm doing another one in Vermont in August (if anybody wants to join we could make it G:TTMV)
Clarence, just make it into a drink - Something like vodka, chocolate milk, and overcooked steak bits. Garnish with top soil.
ReplyDeleteSince we're on the topic, what's the male equivalent of "cunt punt"? The obvious is "dick kick" (or "prick kick") but I feel like there's something more chuckleworthy out there, I just can't think of it.
ReplyDeleteSack Wack?
Cock Knock?
Junk Plunk?
Wiener Beaner
ReplyDeleteTackle Crackle
Jasper Plaster?
ReplyDeletepecker wrecker?
ReplyDeleteflang dang is an oldie but a goodie
ReplyDeleteMember Dismember
ReplyDeleteWang bang?
ReplyDeleteand i ran a super spartan, not a tough mudder. much more badass. but i concur with greg's comments. it's really not that hard. tragic what happened in wva - i've heard that tough mudders are so oversubscribed right now that they get a lot of overcrowding at obstacles.
ReplyDeleteJohnson Enconsin'
ReplyDeletepud thud?
ReplyDeleterazz vaz
ReplyDeleteBall Maul
ReplyDeleteCock and Ball Ruck and Maul?
Schlong Gong
ReplyDeletetong dong
ReplyDeletespank crank
ReplyDeletewilly clubbed
ReplyDeleteor crank spank. i like crank spank.
ReplyDeletecaned cane
ReplyDeletelog flogged.
ReplyDeleteflogged hog
ReplyDeletehog flogged
ReplyDeleterob-did your super gay spartan race include electric shock therapy? i see that the tough mudders do... what's up with that?
ReplyDeleteLogjammin'
ReplyDeletespartans are badass, not stupid, danimal
ReplyDeleteis that the Spartan Chant?
ReplyDeletePackage Wreckage
ReplyDeleteTrouser mouse roundhouse
ReplyDeleteMeat cleat
ReplyDeleteMeat Cleat - good one Clarence.
ReplyDeleteball/peen hammer
ReplyDeleteToo many dicks on the dance floor.
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome. One question though...where do you put the batteries?
ReplyDeleteThanks, little little little little bro. Rootsminer, not rob.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about this. More than a normal person would, but that's what you know I do. When Greg poses a question, it's time to strap on the lab coat and figure this out.
ReplyDeleteThere really is no good equivalent to "cunt punt" for two compelling reasons. Number one is cunt. There's no equivalent word for a penis that makes men cringe/take offense/become outraged. Doesn't exist. You could have a multiple word description that involves chancres and sores, but even that doesn't carry the magnitude that the single word cunt does. You could say "shaft skin graft" and it doesn't evoke as much reaction. And I'm not sure why. In the old country, cunt is what guys call each other rather freely. Then again, in the old country, they eat haggis and steak & kidney pie. They are sick and rude. God love 'em.
Second is punt. It's as brutal an action as any person on the street could do to you without an accessory. Punt you in the cunt. Holy shit. That girl really nailed it. She may have been going for effect, but she probably scared at least one of those boner coeds into wearing a cup.
So we have no shot of measuring up to the gravity of cunt punt. Still, any opportunity to get creative and vulgar simultaneously excites me and my friends here. So I'm all for keeping it up.
Penis Adidas
I don't think we've heard from Geoff. He is, after all, the guy who presented Rear Admiral and got us going on one of the great comments sprees of all GTB time.
Oh, and hi, Gheorghies. You ball sack wall tacks.
ReplyDeleteHi Clarence & Gheorghies.
ReplyDelete