When we asked the Destroyer of the Double Down to defend us from this menace, he took one look and begged off, claiming to be concerned for the welfare of bystanders.
The Doofus Overlord, we should've known, demurred based on the multi-ingredient makeup of the colossal nemesis.
And our cast-iron gulleted Iranian friend didn't even respond, cowed as he was by the might of this mammoth.
Therefore, friends of Gheorghe, we seek a champion. Who amongst you will be brave enough to attempt to vanquish the quesarito, Chipotle's super-secret off-menu beast? The 1,500-calorie monstrosity consists of a standard-issue Chipotle burrito wrapped in an improvised quesadilla. I've seen pictures; the thing is bigger than my head.
I know of a man from a Southern city. The elders speak of him in revered tones. They claim he once ate a Fat Cat* and a Fat Bitch** in a single sitting (though he's too modest to admit it - he ordered them for 'we', rather than 'me'). More than ever, our nation needs this man. This is his call to arms.
Or at least to napkins.
* The Fat Cat: Double Cheeseburger, Fries, Lettuce, Tomato, Mayo, Ketchup on a sub roll
** The Fat Bitch: Cheesesteak, Chicken Fingers, Mozzarella Sticks, French Fries, Lettuce Tomato, Mayo, Ketchup on a sub roll
I believe a cheesesteak with egg was the second sandwich. Well, one of the times.
ReplyDeleteIn truth, I'm not throwing down as much late-night eats these days. But a challenge is a challenge. Stay tuned. How late does Chipotle stay open?
you're correct. we have a hard time remembering things these days.
ReplyDeletethe answer to the question about appliances is, obviously, the hot diggity dogger. thanks to clarence for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteFor those of you who aren't in the know, here's a bit about the Hot Diggety Dogger, and yes, I have one in my house. And yes, it gets used.
ReplyDeleteMerely reading this post induced a bowel movement.
ReplyDeleteAnybody in the DC area home on a snow day today? By anybody, I mean any adults, of course.
ReplyDeleteMark - yes.
ReplyDeleteme, too, mark. will be spending the entire day on conference calls. last one scheduled from 4-6. cool.
ReplyDeleteAsshole.
ReplyDeleteone of the negatives of being employed by a global company and working with people who don't care about my personal snow enjoyment priorities.
ReplyDeleteI just woke up. I have a 3pm conference call. I am going to blow it off.
ReplyDeleteAnd now it's time to make biscuits and gravy. Snow days, fuck yeah.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I'm not Rob today. I hate TJ though.
ReplyDeleteMuch like 12 Inches of Snow, 10 inches of snow is nothing to scoff at. The WashPo site has photos of what definitely appears to be snow on bushes, cars, statues, etc., as well as wet streets. I will not mock the Old Dominion's frailty in the face of weather, but I will mock its insistence on using sand instead of salt to combat icy roads. Preposterously stupid.
ReplyDeletethat's more of a southern virginia thing, z. we use a shit-ton of chemicals up here in the nova. really great for the roads.
ReplyDeletei love secret menu rumors -- though i've never had the balls to order anythign off one. supposedly, jamba juice will make some really dirty sounding smoothies, if you're man enough to walk up to the counter and order them.
ReplyDelete12 inches of snow is absolutely something to scoff at.
ReplyDeleteMy sand comment was based solely on images from the WashPo website. I apologize for improperly besmirching snow abatement north of Fredricksburg.
ReplyDeleteArlingon County uses calcium chloride and plenty of it. I lost 2 pairs of boots during Snowmageddon because they midsoles were completely destroyed. So be sure to rinse off your boots in freshwater.
ReplyDeleteOnly in Virginia.
ReplyDeleteI don't get the concept of hidden menu items. Do they not want you to order it? If that's the case, why offer it even secretly.
ReplyDeleteFor the baseball nerds among us, Marls and I are engaging in some Strat-o-matic baseball online. You can get a team for $15 or so, draft player cards, join a league, and manage a season at a time. All the ninth graders are doing it. Anyone interested, we're in a league called Unit M (1986 season, $100M salary, DH). Six team spots left until we launch.
ReplyDeleteYep, we went to W&M.
Long ago when I was much cooler I used to frequent Boston's Lower Depths Taproom at least 3 nights a week for various reasons, including their excellent food. After a while I got to know everyone who worked there including Tyler, the kid who did the cooking. Tyler was always fucking around in the kitchen trying to come up with new stuff and he welcomed ideas and requests from customers. Regulars would make repeated requests for successful experiments, and other regulars would say "hey, let me try one of those too." As a result "secret" menu items arose. Some of them eventually worked their way onto the hard copy menu. So hidden menu items aren't always clandestine attempts to hide offerings from customers.
ReplyDeleteNice link Clarence!
ReplyDeleteNo link included. People can Google stratomatic online and figure it out themselves. You went to W&M, too.
ReplyDeleteclarence, i'm in. were you in the league faraci ran a few years ago? wasted waaaay too many hours on that.
ReplyDeleteYep, Rob. And I did the same.
ReplyDeleteRob and a few other FOGTB may recall my favorite secret menu item of all time, the WhitneyBurger at the Cowboy Cafe in Arlington Yum.
ReplyDeleteThat should read Arlington. Yum.
ReplyDelete--Whitney Yum
One of the local bars/raw bars has some secret menu items and a few of them have made it on to the actual menu as well. When I saw they made it on the actual menu, I was bummed. They were a secret only the locals knew about! Dammit.
ReplyDeleteAlso, supposedly McDonald's has to make you a McDLT if you ask them to. Get on that, Teej.
Not sure if this counts, but Hugo (Dubliner "chef") will beer batter a hot dog for me on request, and that sure as hell isn't on the normal menu.
ReplyDeleteIt is delicious, though.
And I would have to imagine that Clarence has some off-menu items he could order anytime he wanted at watering holes/restaurants he frequented often. Seems like a very Clarence thing.
ReplyDeleteBatter a hot dog for you?
ReplyDeleteOh look, Miami lost again tonight. Can't wait to pick against these guys in my bracket.
ReplyDeleteZman, I believe you touted the merits of the Lower Depths Taproom on one of our short-lived Gheorghe podcasts -- the bars/beers/bands segment. True?
ReplyDeleteTrue indeed. A must-visit spot if you're in the Hub.
ReplyDeleteHey I've been coming around here for a while...would I be able to get somebody to batter my hot dog? Maybe Hugo?
ReplyDeleteWe might be able to accommodate you. Let me check if "the chef" has some free time
If only you had a forum to expand on these bits, like a blog or something...
ReplyDeleteI only write on t-shirts now.
ReplyDeleteI'm also presently amused by the idea of filibusters and was thinking we should've somehow incorporated them into the pledging process.
The Jerry t-shirt business is top notch, I can vouch for that. The two pilot Ts he sent over yesterday were quite amusing (for a local audience).
ReplyDeletewho amongst this commentariat would be the best at the filibuster? Dave? Clarence? a pissface drunk Marls, talking about Gorton's fishsticks and the 1979 Islanders?
ReplyDeleteMaybe the right forum is the Forum For'em.
ReplyDeleteJerry seems like the right person to put away a burrito covered in a quesadilla. His prank eating prowess is well-documented.
ReplyDeleteGreg's filibuster would be simultaneously the most entertaining and incoherent. I think Whitney, if appropriately booze-fueled, would have the most to say.
ReplyDeleteAs to the pledging idea, that would have been incredible. You may avoid a incredibly unappealing task so long as you can stand and talk long enough to get every brother to go to bed or leave the room.
The Doug McDaniel filibuster...oh man...
ReplyDeleteAnd we'd give them a "kill word" that if they accidentally said, it would end the filibuster. And if we got bored, we'd just claim they said it even if they didn't.
ReplyDeleteRob - nice RT by Leitch.
ReplyDeleteAs for the Quesarito, I have taken you chiding to heart. We have organized a Monday 3 PM office trip to see if we can get the mythical beast.
The booze fueled filibuster would be tough considering the bathroom break issue. That being said, I have soiled myself in DC before.
ReplyDeleteBit of a lie of omission there Marls. Please list the other cities you've soiled yourself in.
ReplyDeleteoh, fuck yeah, marls.
ReplyDeletenew post up kicking off our wall to wall march hoops coverage.