Be Afraid

In the midst of G:TB's customary frivolity and lightness, we've occasionally been called upon to man the barricades, to stand firmly against evils so great that they threaten our very existence. Mustaches, for example. And redneck Floridians.

Several months ago, we warned the world of the threat posed by the Large Hadron Collider, which was poised to create a black hole so powerful the planet would be sucked into its vortex and all matter instantaneously crushed to the size of Daniel Snyder's conscience. Apparent technical delays thwarted the LHC's nefarious mission. Or so we thought.

In reality, contend a pair of leading scientists, the Collider's chilling intent is so anathema to human existence that the power unleashed by the machine is traveling back in time to turn itself off.

In a theory reminiscent of the time travelling film Back to the Future, the theoretical physicists Holger Nielsen, from Denmark, and Masao Ninomiya, from Japan, have concluded that its discoveries could be so "abhorrent to nature" that they are coming back to stop their own creation.

Setting aside the fact that Back to the Future is entirely the wrong analogy here, G:TB encourages all good people to be on the lookout for rogue Higgs bosons dressed as politicians. The life you save may be your own. Or Linda Hamilton's.

And you thought G:TB was just a stupid blog about rapping muppets, futile hoops fandom and Tim Tebow.