Ganders, Geese

G:TB is nothing if not an equal opportunity source of information. And since our friends over at Queen Beaches took a very gender-specific approach to this topic, we find it only fair to celebrate the distaff side of the rock and roll aisle. (Although, ladies, a less fey picture of Rhett Miller might help his case a bit more. And I love me some Rhett Miller. In a purely heterosexual and totally jealous way.)

My tastes run to singer-songwriter types, generally speaking, so the following list omits some of the more bubblegummy pop chanteuses of our time, as well as Lita Ford and Wendy O. Williams. ‘Zombie’ makes me want to break things with my bare hands, so no Dolores O’Riordan. Kate Pierson just turned 60 (!), so I’m afraid she just misses - I compensate for my shallowness with self-deprecation and charitable works. And my work ethic runs to lazy, so the list will almost certainly whiff on a few obvious entries. (Hey – that’s why we have a comments section.)

And so, in no particular order, one blogger’s take on the female singers that tune my guitar.

Michelle Branch didn’t do much for me until she teamed up with Jessica Harp and started recording as The Wreckers. ‘Leave the Pieces’ was one of the great tunes of 2006, and its’ singer charted on this all-important GTB list immediately after the song’s release. ‘Course, the Wreckers are no more, so she may fall off this list after we forget we’ve done this once and try it again in 18 months or so.

As will become apparent, the late 80s/early90s were the formative years in my appreciation for lady lead singers, starting with Tanya Donnelly of Throwing Muses, the Breeders, and Belly. (That’s a hell of a trifecta.) ‘So take your hat off, boy, when you’re talking to me/And be there when I feed the tree’. I have no idea what that means, but I like the way she sings it.

I’m aware that this is a cliché, but most clichés have legitimate roots. Liz Phair stands about 5’0” and used the lyric ‘fuck like a volcano’. So there’s that. She’d be higher on the list if she hadn’t recorded that inexplicable (and dreadful) pop album a few years ago.

From a purely vocal standpoint, this argument begins and ends with Neko Case. Her voice will raise the hairs on your arms and make a strong man need to take a seat and think about his place in the world. Combine those pipes with that sultry look and playful range, and I’m more than sold.

G:TB has already celebrated her once this month, but Jenny Lewis is always welcome here. Smart lyrics, big, big voice, and a smoking hot, um, guitar.

Heading back to the 80s again for Belinda Carlisle. Remember that ‘Heaven is a Place on Earth’ video? Me, too. Me, too.

And finally, the winner and still champion, the Bangles’ Susanna Hoffs. That tiny, vulnerable voice combined with just the right amount of dirty girl and those killer eyes? There’s no sense in fighting it. She’s topped my list since she walked like an Egyptian, and even though the competition’s getting fierce and she’ll be 50 next year, she’s still number one.