It’s time for me to do what I do best (besides sit on a couch) and post some sort of absurd news story, before Rob has a chance to post another “Will and Grace visit the White House” episode. Without further ado, GTB’s Criminal of the Week Week Week (wow, I’m not only stealing Leno’s bit, I’m stealing Huggy Low Down’s too):
NEW YORK - Police in Nassau and Suffolk counties say they were able to tie at least 13 bank robberies to the same man because of the spelling errors in his hold-up notes.
Nassau County Police said Bart Thomas' hold-up notes misspelled the word "robbery", which he spelled "robri", and the word "quick", which he spelled "kwik."
How about this doozy, submitted by a HS student as a creative writing assignment:
ReplyDeleteThe Life and Times of Tevin Scott: Vloume 2!
Hi my name is Tevin. I was born in the Military. When I turned fourteen I moved out of the Military. The reason I moved out of the military is because the General wouldn’t let me bring my women on base. I mean I had alot of women to. I had so many I couldn’t even keep count. But I do remember there names. Big Butt Lola, EVE, Ashinte, Juggles, Sugar, Spice, Salt, Peper, Vinalela, Mocha Chocolate, Chocolate. But my favorite were Tikweeda and her sisters Tiqeeda, Tosha, and Tiqila.
I now your wonderising how I met all these chicken heds. I met Big Butt Lola working for Zeus. She was one of his girls. The way I stoll her from him is one day I cought Zeus and Homer Trading behind my back to the Odyssey. Thats when I started lowding up my too Beratias then I jumped out the alley and Shot them up until they stoped breathing. then I went back to Zeuses Shato threw a wild party and stayed up with his girl then packed up his money in my bag took a gander outside then walked back up stairs left her a onedollar and rolled out in Zeuses black Escalade siteen on 24inch Geavonas took it back to my CRIB in DC in North East on kennidy ST.
I was going broke fast and I needed more cash so met this youngin named King thats when I saw Eve, AShanti, and Juggles. King this yongin hit me with work he had every thing a man wanted cars, clothes, women, Money, Power, respect, and Lots of White Pitbulls. A white Pitbull is hard to find so you now I Had to Steel two, a boy and a girl. Next day I came back too his house and he sent me on my first Job. When I got There I found out it was a set up. So when I got Back I killed Him But before I shot him I sayed no body Sets up Skills and gets away with it (Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop). Then I wen’t back to his crib and threw a big party and got druck off Lots of Cristly and stayed up with his girls in his house and chilled.
I had a bad hang over So I druck a Beer then I took all of the 300,000,000 dollars and skiped town to Yonkus new York. There I met up with a youngin named Metropolis he hooked me up with a job from his brother Agora thats when I met sugar, spice, Salt, and Peper. those girls were gorages. They were so gorgase I dreamed about them all the time. Agora gave me one of his Dodge Challangers. I also Killed him because he had his hood starven every where I looked there
was poverty. then I took his money and gave it to the kids.
Then I moved to Greece where I met Vinelia, Mocha Chocolate, Chocolate. They all wanted to stay with me so I sayed yeah! They were walking around the house nood and I was lovin it OK! I party with them then I left. I road a Boat across the Mediterranean Sea and wounded up on a Penninsula called Bodunkadunk world. Thats where I met the for sisters Tikeeda, Tiqweeda, Tosha, Tiquila. They all had junk in there trunk. They all sayed they were very thirsty I sayed I’m the guy that invented Kool-Aid Iasked them would you like a sip? they replied yes. they drunck it quick. then I said would you like to take a tour of my house they said yes, I took them to the bed room slid the dresser in front of the door so no of my peeps could get in and you know were it went from there.
Until next time Ya Boy T. Scott
Where in god's name did you find this?
ReplyDeleteI have a source in the education system.
ReplyDelete