Tuesday, August 27, 2019

G:TB State Fair Month

Molten cream cheese hurts when it spills from within the crispy envelope of a perfectly fried pickle and lands on one's hand.

This was one of many things I learned when I visited the Minnesota State Fair last week.

Like the Teej before me, I ventured boldly into that Midwestern staple on a mission to see, smell, taste, and experience all of nature's bounty. At least all that can be fried.

I went with colleagues on the Fair's opening day. I was told by everyone that the first day of the Fair's two-week run is generally the best, because the grounds are in the best shape and the yellowjackets haven't yet figured out where the good trash cans are. Everyone was right.

The first day of this year's Fair set a new attendance record, with more than 133,000 Minnesotans (and me) passing through the turnstiles. As you can see in this shitty photo I took as I turned onto one of the main thoroughfares, that's a shitload of folks.


Shortly upon my entry, I met up with my team, and one of the fellas who works for me made it a point to grab me a beer. It's good to be the king. Our meeting point was Fresh French Fries (one of two on the 322-acre property). We met there because it's operated by the family of a colleague of mine. His father started the concession 40 years ago. It's grown to the point where each of the two stands go through 240,000 pounds of potatoes each year, and gross more than $1.2m in 12 days. My colleague Dan always takes vacation during the Fair to run one of the stands. Pretty tidy little business.

And so my first fried food of the Fair was all in the family.


After we scarfed a good helping of fries, we played some midway games. I lost at a shooting game where one shoots actual bb's at target, at whack-a-mole, and at that stupid game where you try to knock over three leaded bottles with a softball. Then I lost to Tony at bumper cars. Tony's a former Green Beret, so he knows how to handle his ride.

Trained killer, that Tony
It was at that point that I went to the fried pickle stand. Man, do I love fried pickles. It turns out that I also love fried pickles with cream cheese, but I didn't learn that until after I received a second-degree burn on my hand and realized that the prudent course of action was to wait until they cooled down.

I recovered quickly, numbing the pain with another beer, before enjoying cheese curds, lefse, shrimp and grits balls, fried feta, and roasted corn in relatively rapid succession. I closed out my gustatory efforts with a sampler courtesy of the Minnesota Brewer's Guild.




I didn't take any pictures with my head inserted into a cartoon body, but I did visit The Current's booth, which was cool. I missed out on seeing Belinda Carlisle and Hootie & The Blowfish, because bad planning, but I saw Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar's teams working their booths with gusto. Saw the Trump booth, too, but gave it a wide berth.

Crowds annoy me as much as the next guy, and perhaps more, but the Minnesota Nice vibe in St. Paul, combined with postcard-perfect weather, several tasty brews, and gleeful work friends happy to be playing hooky to make for a most excellent afternoon. If you have the means, I highly recommend it.

Just let your cream cheese-filled fried treat cool for just a minute.

36 comments:

  1. So, Rob had a summer run that included Vegas>OBFT>Deep Fried State Fair? That can't be good for you.

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  2. I assume they also gave you a week's worth of Crestor on your way out of the fair.

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  3. i hate to say it, but mannequin pussy's new album "patience" is awesome.

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  4. 1) dave does not hate to say it, nor anything
    2) this is a fictional band, but it's got a great fake name
    3) why is dave's fictional band covering guns n' roses?

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  5. Don’t bash statins! I’ve been on one for a week. Will be on it until I croak, apparently.

    In other news, I am in London for work until Wed. It is 33 degrees Celsius here, which makes for some creative armpit sweat prevention techniques to avoid pitting out my suit. This town can’t handle the heat.

    Did a bit of walking through Soho last night. It’s as if NYC combined Times Square, the gayest parts of the West Village, and Chinatown. Strange, but fun. Like Marls.

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  6. I fully expected TR to chime in on mannequin pussy, particularly given his prior karaoke slaying of the gnr track.

    I did not see statin defense and a dispatch from gay sweaty London coming.

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  7. The 2nd leg of Krasnodar v Olympiakos, a Champions League qualifying match, is a barnburner!

    Ok, so maybe it’s not. Evening sports in the UK is not compelling.

    Unrelated - the sports books here have Liz Warren winning the Dem primary and the general election. As a reference, they had the Trump-Hilary election as a toss-up, which was better than every US media outlet. So yippee for that, I guess. Barry did well inheriting a recession. We’ll see how the 2020 winner does with the inevitable and imminent recession.

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  8. my early warren endorsement is a real momentum-swinger. gtb carries some serious weight, it seems. at least whitney does.

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  9. Crystal Palace - Colchester in penalty kicks in an EFL Cup match.

    And Crawley beats Norwich! Bonkers here. Sort of.

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  10. I imagine Rob's August run isn't exactly helping him shed pounds either.

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  11. i've got a couple of extra lbs on me at the moment. not gonna lie.

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  12. did anyone listen to the new "mannequin pussy" album today? i listed to is 2x. once while running, once while going to the dmv. my friend mike recommended it and i thought it was fake, but they're great.

    pitchfork agrees . . . https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/mannequin-pussy-patience/

    our pussy-grabber-in-chief brought the p-word back, so we might as well enjoy it.

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  13. Mannequin Pussy has some interesting song titles: Drunk I, Drunk II, Clams, Meatslave One, etc.

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  14. Drunk II is a good one. Their most poppy effort (unlike Clams, which is awesome for other reasons)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZ0Xjl5KusI

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  15. Is that a tune about the Peter Klam clan?

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  16. Great minds run in the same gutter.

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  17. Random Idiots should do a rock opera about Klam.

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  18. anyone looking to hang out w/danimal tomorrow in the dulles area?
    flying in to dulles around noon. heading to winc mid pm

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  19. I too may be in/near the magnificent Commonwealth this w/e. Debating a boys’ trip w/ my sons. Plan A is Fri night Nats game and Sat afternoon Phil’s-Mets game. Plan B is a trek to the Burg for W&M football on Sat nite and Busch Gardens. Hoping that by leaving Fri morning, I can avoid some traffic. Will have to figure it out tmrw.

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  20. This fucking hurricane is really gonna fuck up my Labor Day weekend, isn’t it? Fuck.

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  21. Guys--this Vince Carter interview is great.
    Did you know he has a recording studio??

    https://www.si.com/tech-media/2019/08/27/vince-carter-retirement-final-season-media-career-music-interview

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  22. So it’s now confirmed - TR and the boys are trekking down to see DC/Nats/fireworks on Fri. We will then see the ‘Burg, the Busch (Gardens) and Tribe football after that. Trip should go smoothly b/c there won’t be a lot of traffic this w/e.

    DLC will be in the Burg for football. Anybody else going?

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  23. As we like to say around here, fuck cancer.

    https://www.redbubble.com/people/dahndahlas/works/40380990-fu-cancer?p=t-shirt&ref=available_products&style=mhoodie

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  24. The way people who have lived around here for decades freak out over the mention of a hurricane will never cease to amaze me. Me? I’m doing some prep and focusing on the (full) return of college football.

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  25. That hoodie is awesome, zman!!

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  26. I’m NYC until Saturday so we will miss Danimal. TR, if you need a way-station on the trip back just let us know.

    Stay safe Mark.

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  27. TR, I would like two squares of toilet paper from College Delly and a toothpick from the Leafe.

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  28. Hahaha, Chip Kelly. He’s robbing that school. 3-9 last year and an opening night double-digit loss to Cincy at home.

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  29. Do BYU fans tailgate before games? Is it just burgers and ginger ale?

    Broka and I went to a Jazz game about 12 yrs ago. At halftime, the food lines were 50 pp deep and the beer line was empty. Crazy Mormons.

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  30. I saw Camper van Beethoven and Cracker at the oceanfront tonight. F, it was good.

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  31. TR, I would ordinarily drop plans to meet you at our alma mater, not kidding. But Saturday is a memorial beach celebration for a man who was like a second father to me. Gotta do it. Next time.

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  32. Wake-Utah State is a barn burner. College Football isn’t great for my sleep patterns.

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