My neighborhood holds a progressive Christmas party every year across three houses. The host houses change every year and zwoman (in a moment of great drunken weakness) agreed to host the first leg this year. I am dead serious when I say all of you are invited. If I have to open my doors to a bunch of people I don't know and a handful of people I actively dislike, then you can come too. December 16th, be there or be square. I'll make sure there's enough booze for everyone to get plastered.
This party is a bit of a drag for several reasons, not the least of which is the music situation. The first two houses never have any music, and the third house plays Taylor Swift to make all the drunken fools dance. That's not on tap for this year in zhome. I will have a stunningly dominant playlist for my portion of the party and it will be so because all of you will help me.
I want to include cool takes on classics, like "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" by Jimmy Smith. Along those lines, a few jams from "A Christmas Gift to You from Phil Spector" will make the cut because everyone recognizes every song on the album and they're great ... and I roomed with Spector for two years so I owe him some spins. I want to include older groovy stuff like "North Pole Rock" by Cathy Sharpe or "Gee Whiz it's Christmas" by Carla Thomas. I am definitely including some punk rock numbers like "Father Christmas" by The Kinks and "Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight)" by The Ramones. "Christmas in Hollis" is a given, as is "Back Door Santa" by Clarence Carter because that's what Run-D.M.C. sampled and it's a damn good song.
I absolutely 100% need to include subversive songs that will make my neighbors go "WTF" but I don't want to cross certain lines. I am not including "Millie Pulled a Pistol on Santa" by De La Soul because pedophilia is just too inappropriate for a holiday party (Roy Moore is not invited even if he reads this blog). I also am not including "White Palms" by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club even though it's one of my favorite songs and it talks about Jesus because it's too off the Christmas mark--it literally dares Jesus to come back. "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" doesn't even deserve a link simply because it's too bad a song.
If you're feeling too lazy to contribute to my playlist, go to hell. I emailed Rex Doane for some subversive suggestions and he replied! A guy who has no idea who I am replied to my request for playlist help so you can too. Rex generally suggested I check out his playlist archive for gems like last year's Christmas Eve show. He also gave me two of his favorite low brow/no brow Christmas songs:
Please suggest some songs and come to my (god-awful) party to see if your picks made the playlist.
the teej is partial to 'christmas eve in washington'
ReplyDeleteDominic the Donkey - Lou Monte
ReplyDeleteGod Rest ye Merry Gentleman - BNL
Reggae Christmas- Bryan Adams
This Christmas- Donny Hathaway
Christmas time is here - Vince Guaraldi
Fairytale of NY might be problematic because of one line.
Um, I thought the G:TB Board ratified the ban on Xmas-related content until December...
ReplyDeleteYou have to include Fairytale - play it late night when everyone is bombed - but play the Christy Moore version as well
ReplyDeleteTom Petty - Xmas time again
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - John Mellencamp
Kinks - I don't know the name of it but it's a xmas song. Christmas Time I believe
And to close out the classic rock corner, for whit you should probably add Bruce's Santa Claus is Comin to Town.
fairytale of ny is mandatory. if partygoers can't handle a little 'old slut on junk' or a contextual (and well-rhymed) 'faggot', then i question their entire existence.
ReplyDeleteyeah, bruce's santa claus is a must. here's some crap we wrote about fairytale five years ago. it was a simpler time: https://gheorghe77.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-twelve-days-of-gheorghemas-day-2.html?m=1
ReplyDeleteChristy Moore! Nice, Danimal -- let that Irishness shine.
ReplyDeleteChristmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis by Tom Waits
ReplyDeleteHi Mordred.
ReplyDeleteI am posted up in a Starbucks, working from home today b/c lazy. The store is using a 1-hr music loop. Hallelujah by Buckley is on for the third time. I may slit my wrists with a plastic knife. On the plus side, there's some Band of Horses and Pixies coming up soon.
ReplyDeleteBing & Bowie is a classic, John & Yoko as well. Not subversive but cool.
ReplyDeleteZman, you'll appreciate an album called Christmas in Soulsville. The Otis Redding song is legit, plus you get songs like "Black Christmas" and "Santa Wants Some Lovin".
- Mackenzie Brothers tune is fun.
- I'm still a sucker for the Band Aid song. NOT the re-recorded one. I like the long version where they all introduce themselves and say Happy Christmas.
- Aimee Mann did a holiday album. Not bad.
- I'm sure you want Wham's Last Christmas.
They Might Be Giants -- Santa's Beard. Yep.
Subversive...
Stiff Little Fingers did a version of White Christmas very much like Sid singing My Way
Lemmy and Billy Gibbons did an actually decent version of Run Rudolph Run. Keith Richards did the same.
A Pimp’s Christmas Song by Snoop
The Vandals, Oi to the World. Covered by Gwen Stefani or maybe No Doubt
Waitresses did a Xmas song. I could google it, but so could you
I have a rough bootloeg of old days REM doing holiday tunes. Wenceslas and the like. Enjoyable, I think they were drunk
Does Lindsey Buckingham Holiday Road count?
This comp has some strong old Xmas oddities : https://dusttodigital.bandcamp.com/album/where-will-you-be-christmas-day (recommended tracks: 2,3,10,16,18)
ReplyDeleteJames Brown: Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto
And you can't go wrong with the Raffi Christmas album ;)
Random Idiots, Christmas in the Pi Lam Suite
ReplyDeleteCharles Bradley, Everyday Is Christmas When I'm Loving You. Not enough was made of the fact that this guy got famous in his 60's and died from cancer two months ago. Fuck you, cancer, yet again.
ReplyDeleteFurther to TR's Xmas-related grievance, a six or nine point buck tried to kill itself by slamming into my car this morning. Luckily we both avoided contact and he made it to the other side of the road. Clearly it's Christmas time when deer are coming out of the woodwork.
ReplyDeleteCutting your wrist is a good seque to Anne Murray's Christmas Album, listened to ad nauseum back in the early 80's by my mum. Non. Fucking. Stop.
ReplyDeletesegue - not seque
ReplyDeleteThere are some bangers on The Beach Boys Christmas Album
ReplyDeleteDon't sleep on John Denver and the Muppets "A Christmas Together". Surprised Teej didn't suggest that one. Little Saint Nick is pretty bangin'.
ReplyDeleteOn the topic of bad parents and bad Xmas music,my mom had a rule when we were kids that there was no TV on Xmas Eve. She would play Barbra Streissand, drink wine, and make my sister and I pose for a picture in front of the tree with new pajamas. Every year. Was miserable.
ReplyDeleteAnd my dad's second wife insists on playing the entire Mariah Carey Xmas album from the early 90's every year when she has folks over the Sunday before Xmas. I just retire to a den to watch TV. I can't deal with it.
Both sound brutal, though I think I'd prefer Babs to Mariah.
ReplyDeleteBut let's be real guys - if you want your holiday party to really POP OFF, there's only one choice. You know the one....the only one you need....the magnificent...
Mannheim Steamroller!
Okay, I went back and googled it for you, Z. I know you were hanging on the edge of your seat. Waitresses song is "Christmas Wrapping."
ReplyDeleteOthers that popped up
Merle Haggard, “If We Make It Through December”
She & Him, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”
Kurtis Blow, “Christmas Rappin”
That Merle Haggard tune is perfect for when you want people to leave. Not the most cheerful of holiday tunes.
ReplyDeleteZ will have it on repeat in that case.
ReplyDeletedoes jerry ever come around here? his presence (and his north brunswick accent) are needed.
ReplyDeleteNot sure how I've overlooked 'Run Run Rudolph' til now.
ReplyDeleteBoth the Chuck Berry and Keith Richards versions are excellent.
In other news, my 11 year old just zipped his scrotum in his pants for the first time today. I'm usually pretty sympathetic to ball injuries, but he's being pretty soft on this one. At least I can turn some of his vasectomy humor from five months ago back on him.
Wait a sec. You got a vasectomy five months ago, told your 11 y/o, and he talked smack to you?
ReplyDeleteNot really smack talk, but a casual 'hey dad- how's the old nut sack?', which I got to return to him tonight.
ReplyDeletehello, gheorgies. hipster dad h street dance party was a success. my running buddy has been sober for 20 years, which was an interesting twist, but it probably kept me from overconsuming. winning.
ReplyDeleteThis thread is great. Hey Dad...how’s your nutsack? Ahahaha.
ReplyDeleteSavannah is awesome. I got super drunk last night. Gonna run it back today. Make sure Christmas in Hollis is on the playlist twice, Z.
At the College of William and Mary. Just watched 5 undergrad students deliver a 20-minute presentation on their proposed solution to help the nonprofit where I work resolve a lingering problem. I am stunned by how perceptive, resourceful, and bright these kids are for their age. Damnation.
ReplyDeleteRoad Trip to the zhome!
ReplyDeleteYou need to play Christmas in Hollis every 4th song for sure
I strongly endorse Marls's rec of Reggae Christmas by Bryan Adams. I think I still have it on a 45 if you need that.
And, how has no one yet mentioned Mariah and "All I want for Christmas is You"
zman, if i'm going attend this xmas party, i'd like a playlist of the people you "actively dislike" that are attending. i don't want to offend the wrong people.
ReplyDeleteHow often should I play "A Christmas Fucking Miracle"?
ReplyDeleteI’m at a (Bizzarro) wedding in Savannah. Wearing a really nice tux. And my fresh out of the box Space Jam Jordans.
ReplyDeletetribe football blows. but at least the men's hoops team is terrible.
ReplyDeletesaw the jordans on the facebook. veddy nice. I don't think I could pull that off. Well played.
ReplyDeleteyour place is a haul zman, but if i can figure out a way to get there, i'm coming. it will be a fucking christmas miracle.
ReplyDeletei will be sporting a mustache.
ReplyDeleteKudos to Dave. Too many of us humans find reasons not to partake in such gatherings. Dave, find a way.
ReplyDeleteAnd get the list and offend them all.
I only have strong dislike for one couple. I could write a whole post about them but it's too negative. At one point I accused the wife of being a pedophile. The whole neighborhood hates them. They're terrible.
ReplyDeleteIf you're looking to add something cool but conservative to your sneaker repertoire check out the Adidas gazelles in mystery red with the gum sole. Currently only $63. I want to pull the trigger but I don't really need them. Very clean cold weather kicks.
ReplyDeletehttps://m.adidas.com/us/gazelle-shoes/BZ0025.html
ReplyDeleteI'm probably lagging on last place in this blog's shoe department, but my two daughter bought me these for my birthday and I love them:
ReplyDeletecool dad
In a Lyft, and local DC station 97.1 is ALREADY PLAING CHRISTMAS MUSIC
ReplyDeleteTell him to switch to HFS 99.1. Weasel and Damian and Bob Waugh and Rob Timm and Aq and Kath rule the DC airwaves forever!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, when some famous leaves us and it's not in the comments of G:TB, I'm behind the times.
ReplyDeleteMalcolm Young is gone and David Cassidy may be soon to follow. Same vintage, different musical planets. I think I love you, big balls.
So. Many. Italians.
ReplyDeleteMontel Jordan is living a good life off “This is How We Do It”. As he should. That shit is still a jam.
ReplyDeleteThat song will not start a dance party these days, but it will sustain one. Especially one w/ white folks in their early 40’s.
ReplyDeleteMy boys know nothing about that tune except the snippets they sometimes hear during sporting events, but they love the song.
Eminem performance on snl. Strong to very strong.
ReplyDeletejust barred the shit out of a mitzvah. hello, gheorghies.
ReplyDeleteJust home from a 40th bday party. No montel jordan. The birthday girl was from Staten Island originally so lots of freestyle and Spanish language bangers as well as remarkably fit ladies in remarkably remarkable outfits. Shaolin represent y'all.
ReplyDeletehave i mentioned lately how overrated homeownership is? between now and thanksgiving when we're hosting my wife's family (and team marls - that part will be fun), i need to have my house cleaned, my oven repaired (we realized this just this morning), and the lock to my front door replaced. bah.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should use a key instead of kicking the door down.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to be REALLY generous, you could say 3 of the 8 1 PM games are interesting. But at least five are hot garbage. If the NFL wants ratings to improve, they need to have a league where more than 8 people can play QB competently and produce a watchable product.
ReplyDeleteI’ve been voluntarily walking around downtown Savannah and shopping with my wife today because I don’t care that I’m missing the nfl. If it wasn’t for fantasy football I’m not sure I’d watch very often.
ReplyDeleteHome ownership is total bullshit. But my pool will be finished when I get back home tomorrow.