I'm in luck. With the Wild Cards done and the Fall Classic in view, it’s time for Gheorghe to tell us supporters of non-playoff teams (and Twins and Rockies) which clubs to pull for. Here’s a table that will show the criteria:
CRITERIA EXPLAINED (SORT OF)
The City Itself: Is it fun? Charming? Boring? Disgusting?
The Fans: I think this gamut runs from those at Busch to those at the Vet (RIH)
Mascot/Logo: Beloved? Asinine? Confusing? Offensive?
Stadium: Cathedral or glorified softball park…
History/Rootability: where the cosmos seeps into sports, where the good guys sometimes prevail, and where decades of wrongs get righted
Underdoggedness: Fate has a fickle finger; favorites don’t always fare favorably
Star Quality: Stars shine in October
Food from the City/Region: Perhaps the most subjective category of all
Bands from the City/Region: Never mind, this is
X-Factor: That little edge could be telling you something
So, whom do we like in 2017?
Boston Red Sox
City: Great town. Wish they could drive. 3
Fans: Increasingly hahd to tawlerate. 1
Mascot/Logo: Uniform timeless. Wally not. 0.5
Stadium: A classic. 1
History/Rootability: Used to be a 5. Now… bleh. 1
Underdoggedness: Slight. 2
Stars: Not relative to the Cowboy Up days. 0
Food: Lobster rolls and Harpoon. 1
Bands: The Cars. Aerosmith once upon a time. Pixies. 1
X-Factor: Belichick. 0
Total: 10.5
Houston AstrosCity: Wasn’t much before the floods. 0.5
Fans: Nondescript at best. Texans. 1
Mascot/Logo: Still clinging to NASA? Ok. 1
Stadium: Are you kidding? 0
History/Rootability: Well, given recent events in the region, it’s better. Never won a Series. That helps. 5
Underdoggedness: Many folks have picked them. 1
Stars: I like Altuve. 1
Food: Brisket, maybe? 1
Bands: Beyonce and ZZ Top? 0
X-Factor: Harvey. 1
Total: 10.5
New York YankeesCity: Of course. 3
Fans: Like mosquitoes, they’re everywhere and annoying. GTB Yanks fans only reason for a point. 1
Mascot/Logo: Vintage. Ubiquitous but vintage. 1
Stadium: I preferred the one erected in the 70’s. 0
History/Rootability: Too good for too long. Can’t get behind them. 1
Underdoggedness: Don’t believe the hype. A gift to earn a 1. 1.
Stars: My name is Judge. 1
Food: Like everything in NYC, it’s good on its own but overhyped. 1
Bands: Ramones. Run-DMC. Dave loves Billy Joel. 1
X-Factor: Not feeling it. 0
Total: 10
Cleveland IndiansCity: No Bueno. I’m sorry. 0
Fans: Dedicated through all the crap. Even Randy Quaid. 3
Mascot/Logo: Chief Wahoo. Nope. 0
Stadium: One of the original new classics alongside Camden. 1
History/Rootability: Stands to reason. 5
Underdoggedness: Only because they blow this every time. 1
Stars: You met them last fall. 1
Food: Just drink. 0
Bands: Nine Inch Nails and Joe Walsh. 1/2 point for the HoF. 0.5
X-Factor: It’s time. 1
Total: 12.5
Washington Nationals
City: Good town. 2Fans: Homers drag this one down. 2
Mascot/Logo: Love the presidents. 1
Stadium: Not bad at all. 1
History/Rootability: Les Expos! The curse of the strike of ’81. Jarry Park! 4
Underdoggedness: Marginal. 1
Stars: Like white on Bryce. 1
Food: I lived in DC for 12 years and can’t tell you what DC food is. 0
Bands: Fugazi. emmet swimming?? 0
X-Factor: Un peu. 0.5
Total: 12.5
Chicago CubsCity: Good but cold. 2.5
Fans: Trending Beantownish? 1
Mascot/Logo: Timeless. 1
Stadium: Same. 1
History/Rootability: Last year a 5. This year… eh. 1.5
Underdoggedness: Solid. 2.5
Stars: You met them last fall. 1
Food: Brats and Old Style. Yes. 1
Bands: Peter Cetera. Smashing Pumpkins. But EWF. Muddy Waters. Wilco. 1
X-Factor: Not this year. 0
Total: 12.5
Los Angeles Dodgers
City: Fun but not my bag. 1
Fans: LA people. Meh. 1
Mascot/Logo: Only missing the BROOKLYN embroidery. 1
Stadium: Chavez Ravine! Good enough. 1
History/Rootability: Debatable. Been since ’88, spent too much $, Boehly. 2
Underdoggedness: Was a -3 earlier in the season. 0
Stars: Yeah, yeah. 1
Food: Dodger Dogs and avocado. 1
Bands: RHCP, GN’R, Doors, etc. Strong. 1
X-Factor: No love here.0
Total: 9
Arizona Diamondbacks
City: Not my climate. 1Fans: No idea. 1.5
Mascot/Logo: I hate snakes. 0
Stadium: Pool. 0
History/Rootability: They won in 2001 in an all-timer. Other history? 3
Underdoggedness: Significant. 3
Stars: Maybe this postseason will make them brighter. 0
Food: Tex-Mex. Okay. 1
Bands: Stevie Nicks and Meat Puppets. 0
X-Factor: The ghost of Luis Gonzalez (RIA) 1
Total: 10.5
Tribe vs. Nats! Not bloody likely but there you have it.
**if you use this for betting purposes, you are dumber than Dumb Donald. Or even Dumb Donald.
A tour de force. Well done. I would like to point out that The Geto Boys are from Houston and that has to be worth at least six ninths of a point.
ReplyDeleteboston has the lemonheads, juliana hatfield, belly, the breeders, the dropkick fucking murphys, et al. i demand a mini-recount.
ReplyDeletebut i enjoyed this post. you might get gheorghie of the week.
I'd like to claim the Foo Fighters for DC
ReplyDeleteAnd keep your eyes open for the Cougars in the Outfield at Nats stadium this October
Also, as a follow up to the last post + Zman's comment about gun control.
If you're not listening to The Daily podcast (from NYT), you are missing out.
The last 2 days have been related to this story, and it has been eye opening
Um, Rob? Boston got 1 point out of 1 possible point. I recounted and all.
ReplyDeleteFlorida always plays “We are the Boys” between the third and fourth quarters of football games. They just announced they’ll be playing “Won’t Back Down” as well this Saturday. Glad I’ll be in attendance.
ReplyDeletei was told there'd be no math
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post. Kudos to Whit.
ReplyDeleteThe concept of baseball cards in a post is interesting. Only seen one smart guy do that here before...
Add Godmack to the list of Boston bands. And Dropkicks should be a -1. They have a fan base that's only slightly more refined than Insane Clown Posse. #hottake
Nick Folk - sorry you'll be cut tmrw!
ReplyDeleteTampa Bay’s kicking situation is pretty sweet.
ReplyDelete"Is it Nick, or, um, Mr. Dick?"
ReplyDelete"Nick"
Nice to you know ya, Nick! Epic bed-shitting. Sean McDermott kindly requests you fuck yourself.
Nice Bachelor Party quote, TR
ReplyDeleteHanks. Zmed. Kitaen. Perfection,
ReplyDeleteI was going to say that the Dropkick Murphys should cost Boston a point but then I saw TRs comment. Great minds run in the same gutter.
ReplyDeleteI don't listen to podcasts (they sound like fun but I don't have the time) but maybe I'll carve out some time for The Daily.
I think you meant to say "Zman. Perfection."
ReplyDeleteuse soap.
ReplyDeletethis is a strong to quite strong post. excellent work, whit
ReplyDeleteI'm not arguing with the city values, but I think it's interesting that Boston gets a 3 while Chicago gets a 2.5 for being cold. Boston is terribly cold and in my experience Chicago is more fun--friendlier people, better food, cleaner subway. I also think DC deserves at least a 2.5 if Boston gets a 3 for similar reasons--friendlier people, better weather, cleaner subway.
ReplyDeleteOne other category - Best Throwback Uniforms. If 1 point available, the Nats (Expos) & Astros would be worthy, giving the Nats the pole position. "Throwback" btw defined as anytime during our lifetime.
ReplyDeleteZman spoke like a lot of people at work. "I'm not arguing with city values" and then argued with city values.
ReplyDeleteOf course there is much validity to your points, Z.
And also of course I waited until right before the games were starting to throw this together after having thought it up that morning in the car in traffic. So I am pleased with the result but won't defend any of it.
After I wrote "I'm not arguing" and hit "Publish" I realized I was being argumentative. At least your post prompted a flurry of Friday comments.
ReplyDeleteNext time I'll say "I respectfully request reconsideration of your judgment for the following enumerated reasons."
nice chart, despite the errors (i won't even deign to bite on the first error, but i also think you undervalued the mexican food in arizona).
ReplyDeletealso, zman is right, chicago is a WAY better city than boston. is there any promotional monetization that you want to reveal, whit? i heard the boston visitor's bureau has deep pockets . . .
ReplyDeleteTruth in lending: I was in Boston in August. I haven't been to Chi-town since 2005.
ReplyDeleteI've never been to Arizona.
But giving Boston a 2 would not change anything. I guess giving the Chicago a 3 would vault them into the lead. Eh...
ReplyDeleteBut... BUT... I gave AZ food a 1 out of 1! You can't get any higher! I could not have overvalued the Mexican food there more!
People, do the math.
by the time whit gets to arizona...
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteHotel in Arizona made us all want to feel like stars
oh . . . i thought food was worth more.
ReplyDelete4 couch scotches last night proved to be detrimental to Friday productivity. Felt like ass all day, until I had my train beers. Add in some red wine w/ dinner and I'm halfway human again. Doesn't feel great knowing alcohol was the only thing to pull me out of my alcohol-induced rut.
ReplyDeletePour some, I mean a lot, out for Ralphie May. 45 y/o is young, but he was a large man. He had two kids: April June May and August James May. That is a recipe for bullying, IMO.
ReplyDeleteAnnnnnndddd, pour some out for the Yankeees. Starting pitching is not good enough to dig themselves out of this hole.
ReplyDeleteAt least I still have the Jets. Um, scratch that. At least I still have the Islanders and their raucous home crowd in Brooklyn. Yeah, scratch that too. I definitely don't have the Knicks, who I cut several years ago.
I have scotch.
zson put hand cream on zcat. It's about as bad as it sounds.
ReplyDeleteCurrently drinking just off campus in Gainesville. I’m sure I look much older than I think I do.
ReplyDeleteWaking up on a Sat a.m after good sleep and no alcohol the night before is almost as good as having a super power,
ReplyDeleteIt takes a super power to make that happen.
ReplyDeleteI'm at my old school sitting in the bleachers facing the field where I played football 30 years ago... watching a cross country meet. Good morning, gheorghies.
ReplyDeletecross country is the new football, whit. i hope they are wearing helmets in case of trippage.
ReplyDeleteAbout to start tailgating I’m anticipation of Florida-LSU. I never get tired of University Ave on a Gator game day.
ReplyDelete* in anticipation
ReplyDeleteI hope you have some extra Gold Bond on the buddies....gotta be extra swampy today in Gainesville.
ReplyDeleteOn a slightly less popular front, I'm walking over to the ODU/FAU game. Get some.
ReplyDeleteFsu Miami finish is kinda fun
ReplyDeleteNats cubs too.
ReplyDeleteWhat's up w the outfielder not even jumping t try and catch that ball? If his vertical is greater than 8", he could have caught it.
ReplyDeleteWe lost to Elon today!? Fucking Elon!? Fire Laycocke.
ReplyDeleteelon's nationally ranked, but we're not very good, so rage on, my man.
ReplyDelete