Dedicated to the premise that life would be better if we all took ourselves a little less seriously.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Dag. Ger.
FOG:TB Robbie Hummel is out for the season after injuring his ACL in the second drill of the season. The NCAA is in the process of deciding whether to grant him a 13th year of eligibility.
I live next door to an old guy from Chicago. He got on the elevator this morning with a soggy cigar clenched in his teeth and said "Did you see that game last night? I hate the Yankees. But when I saw George Bush on TV I had to root for them. The Rangers should ban that stupid sonofabitch from games, otherwise the entire nation will turn against them!"
Gary Danielson just commended Bobby Petrino for being able to think to or three plays ahead? Isn't that like applauding a dentist for being able to open a patient's mouth?
florida loss + osu loss + nd win = declan gets a christmas this year. thank the lord baby jesus. mark - i feel your pain. have felt it since 1993 actually.
Danimal...was supposed to head to Jax for the Cocktail Party. Not looking like that's gonna happen now. However, I will be up there for Jags-Texans in early November. Holler at your boy...
Washington-Oregon state is going to cause me to stay up way to late and drink way too much.
Are they going to make a sequel to Blindside where Michael Oher holds every time on the outside rush and can't remember the snap count? I don't think that was appropriately covered in the first installment.
Serioulsy, Minnesoata, do me the favor that Detroit and Atlanta couldn't today - one NFC team has to drop aside from the Skins (probably).
That INT helps. Why can't Dallas help themselves with the passing? They've converted every third and one with a running play and then decide to throw it...
If they rule this a catch for Rogers, he becomes the biggest asshole in history. He can't catch when it matters, he does catch when he can fuck his team royally.
Yep, I'm getting vibes of a reboot of that Philly night game the first year under Spurrier. At FedEx, fans had started feeling good about the team, then a mercilous drubbing.
All falling into place. Phillies took the lead already. Staying on the couch for fear of slipping, falling down some stairs, and getting my scrotum caught on a bannister splinter.
hensley 'bam bam' meulens is the giants' hitting coach. this makes me happy. i knew him when he played in the carolina league for the prince william cannons.
Speaking of "Tits!," I told the zwoman that I was going to bill my tits off this weekend, and now she uses "my tits off" all the time. Like "I brought the laundry up, now I'm going to fold my tits off." She thinks that's funny.
What she didn't think was funny is that her friend got some sort of staph infection in her nipple, and I couldn't remember her name so I said "How's what's-her-face with the fucked up titties?"
So remember that: doing something until your tits are off is funny, but fucked up titties is not funny.
I once hooked up with a girl with such fucked up titties that it prematurely ended a hookup. I removed her bra, and the horrified look on my face caused her to cry. It looked like two torpedoes diving for her waistline.
So I have had a 50 inch Samsung DLP tv in my basement for 3 years. Yesterday a white spot the size of a pin showed up on the tv. Today another showed up. I just googled the problem and apparently my tv will be covered with these spots in a matter of days. I feel like my tv got genital warts or something. Its a defect that Samsung will come out and fix for free...but it sucks.
Thank God they instituted that 3-man wedge rule. Otherwise someone might hit someone. This will be a much safer game once we go with flags and stop this barbaric blocking and tackling.
I live next door to an old guy from Chicago. He got on the elevator this morning with a soggy cigar clenched in his teeth and said "Did you see that game last night? I hate the Yankees. But when I saw George Bush on TV I had to root for them. The Rangers should ban that stupid sonofabitch from games, otherwise the entire nation will turn against them!"
ReplyDeleteHummel got pummeled.
ReplyDeleteYeah, he's positively flummoxed!
ReplyDeleteWait? That doesn't rhyme? I should go fuck myself?
Tough crowd here.
i often hear commentators talk about christian ponder's talent, but i don't think i've ever seen him play well
ReplyDeleteYes. Very Dave. Tho in his defense that I N T was a tipped pass.
ReplyDeleteDave? was supposed to say "average"
ReplyDeleteGot me one of those new smaaht phones which ain't too smaaht
Ok
ReplyDeleteHe sucks
who, dave?
ReplyDeleteNo. Dave's on 2nd.
ReplyDeleteNice slate of 3:30 games we've got ahead of us here.
ReplyDeleteWhat's that? Am I nervous about Mississippi State tonight? Why yes. Yes I am.
/jams self
Oh, and I've been to Auburn recently for a game. Let me assure you, those redneck motherfuckers LOVE Zombie Nation. 30 times a game, minimum.
ReplyDeleteTexas...I like what you're doing here.
ReplyDeleteGary Danielson just commended Bobby Petrino for being able to think to or three plays ahead? Isn't that like applauding a dentist for being able to open a patient's mouth?
ReplyDeleteWait a minute, Bobby Humphrey's kid plays for Auburn? Fuck me. I am old as fuck.
ReplyDeleteCam Newton. Manbeast.
ReplyDeleteDanimal's phone thinks "very avergae" equals "Dave"? That phone has quite a sense of humor.
ReplyDeleteElvis Andrus is a pesky little fuck.
ReplyDeleteTwo TVs is not even close to sufficient right now.
ReplyDeletenice to see the rangers down early
ReplyDeleteCBS fell asleep at the switch - Ryan Mallett went into the locker room right under their nose.
ReplyDeleteGreg Childs is a manbeast.
ReplyDeleteWhy does Jeff Tedford still have a job? I want Mike Leach on the Cal campus.
ReplyDeleteRobinson Cano is locked in...jesus.
ReplyDeleteDoes Arkansas employ a full time engraver for all those student names? Seems to be a waste of resources.
ReplyDeleteAuburn is incapable of playing a football game that isnt wildly entertaining.
ReplyDeleteOh goodie - time for the Rangers bullpen.
ReplyDeletetexas' crowd is dead-solid convinced they're going to blow this.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, this game is awesome. Who needs defense.
ReplyDeleteI'm speaking about Auburn-ARK. I'm definitely NOT watching baseball.
ReplyDeleteDefense isn't even optional in this game. Michigan-Iowa has suddenly gotten interesting as well.
ReplyDeleteAre both teams going to go for 50? I feel like that's a legitimate possibility. Bananas.
ReplyDeleteActually. It's nearly a lock that both teams will go for 50+. Will someone break 60?
ReplyDeleteYou know what's only slightly better than the defense in this game? The officiating.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure, but I think Arkansas got fucked twice on replays and it cost them 2 turnovers and 14 points.
ReplyDeletejust gettin back in the mix...love the skinit.com commercials, or commercial rather
ReplyDeletei don't know who's who in the lsu mcneese state game.
ReplyDeletethe o/u on pryor INT's tonight (and i don't know if he's thrown any yet)...i'm going w/3.
parents went to "mass" 3 hours ago...mark - are they w/you
ReplyDeleteI agree, Dan. The blonde is hot, and slutty.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, your folks are here. Dad and I just knocked back a couple lines.
pat forde is such the twitter whore. can someone stop him? please.
ReplyDeleteparents just rolled in....they're bouncin.
Erin just said "pounding it in" hee hee
ReplyDeleteclick clack's about to lose to kentucky
ReplyDeleteWow. Had the wrong game on. Could b a great finish
ReplyDeleteSouth Carolina...nice to see you again.
ReplyDeleteAl Toon's kid is named Nick Toon. I find this very, very amusing.
ReplyDeleteFlorida is terrible. This is not debatable.
ReplyDeleteOsu toast
ReplyDelete2 minutes to play. Florida down 3 with the ball on their own 4 yard line. Kicker out. Season on the line. Confidence level: Subterranean.
ReplyDeleteFuck me. Florida sucks.
ReplyDeleteflorida loss + osu loss + nd win = declan gets a christmas this year. thank the lord baby jesus. mark - i feel your pain. have felt it since 1993 actually.
ReplyDeleteMy pain is expressed through copious amounts of liquor. FUUUUUUUUUCK.
ReplyDeletebodhi's about to surf the 50-year storm, if that's any consolation
ReplyDeleteIt is. What channel?
ReplyDeletei am an fbi agent but can't find the channel.
ReplyDeleteI've informed my friend Vitas that I blame his recent marriage for the downfall of Florida football.
ReplyDeletewilson's beard is definitely colored no? is that real?
ReplyDeletehow bout that catcher's helmet? it's sceery.
ReplyDeletewhat else you guys wanna talk about?
How about we talk about this Brad Lidge character? Pretty shaky, eh?
ReplyDeletebodhi really does a shitty job surfing that wave. at least carve a little bit before taking the dive.
ReplyDeleteRaul Ibanez, ya gotta swing buddy...
ReplyDeleteAnybody want to take a trip down to Florida and stab me in the eye?
ReplyDelete*purchases eticket*
ReplyDeleteJake Locker looking good right there.
ReplyDeleteI expect a pick six on his next possession.
i love me some kiss commercials
ReplyDeleterob - thanks for the answering the channel question. preesh. no, i can't look for it. just tell me the FUCKING CHANNEL!!!!!
be back in a second
ReplyDeleterob - how's that calf muscle? you gonna make that 1/2 marathon...which is when?
ReplyDeleteDanimal...was supposed to head to Jax for the Cocktail Party. Not looking like that's gonna happen now. However, I will be up there for Jags-Texans in early November. Holler at your boy...
ReplyDeleteWashington-Oregon state is going to cause me to stay up way to late and drink way too much.
Florida is fucking horrible.
Mike Vrabel, TD catch.
ReplyDeleteAnd Nate Burleson quiets New Meadowlands early...
Are they going to make a sequel to Blindside where Michael Oher holds every time on the outside rush and can't remember the snap count? I don't think that was appropriately covered in the first installment.
ReplyDeleteAnd 10 seconds after post type that, another false start...
ReplyDeleteToo bad Jay Cutler is back, I miss seeing Todd Collins' miserable stat lines.
ReplyDeletehad to listen to the giants on the radio today-- some cable stand-off and my aerial wasn't doing the trick.
ReplyDeleteSerioulsy, Minnesoata, do me the favor that Detroit and Atlanta couldn't today - one NFC team has to drop aside from the Skins (probably).
ReplyDeleteThat INT helps. Why can't Dallas help themselves with the passing? They've converted every third and one with a running play and then decide to throw it...
Albert Haynesworth: Inactive - Coach's Decision.
ReplyDeletejay glazer's tweet machine said that was going to happen - related to his brother's death
ReplyDeletecarlos rogers' hands write their own jokes at this point
ReplyDeleteand then drop them
ReplyDeleteOh right. I think that's excusable. Also inactive is Rocky McIntosh, so we get more of H.B. Blades, whom I really enjoy.
ReplyDeleteRogers' hands are a liability, at least on this play.
ReplyDeleteIf they rule this a catch for Rogers, he becomes the biggest asshole in history. He can't catch when it matters, he does catch when he can fuck his team royally.
ReplyDeleteGood challenge by Indy, they should get this reversed. Carlos took 3 steps before he fell.
ReplyDeleteThat was much less of a catch than Calvin Johnson's non-catch.
ReplyDeleteTits! Carlos still can't catch.
ReplyDeleteIt's official - I have no idea what constitutes a catch anymore.
ReplyDeletePunts being returned! Still getting used to that.
ReplyDeleteCarlos Rogers couldn't catch gonorrhea in Dave's mom's sleeping bag.
ReplyDeleteDwight Freeney with a Yankees hat. Bad karma.
ReplyDeleteCollinsworth is really good - great comment about the fullback (Sellers) blocking backside on the counters. Not something you see every day.
ReplyDeletebecause i know you care, i need 14 yards from chris cooley to win my fantasy game this week. i expect him to be kept in to block.
ReplyDeletealso, fuck.
What a fascinating turn of events.
ReplyDelete"LaRon Landry was trying to disguise his coverage.".
ReplyDeleteAs good.
Ok, get the big play out the way...
ReplyDeleteFinal score...7-6 Colts.
ReplyDeleteI was told that everyone could run on the Colts. Liars...
ReplyDeleteI might go to bed after the first quarter.
ReplyDeleteI would like to revise my prediction to Colts 54, Redskins 0.
ReplyDeleteIts gonna be 14-0 before I can finish my first Arrogant Bastard Ale,
ReplyDeleteYep, I'm getting vibes of a reboot of that Philly night game the first year under Spurrier. At FedEx, fans had started feeling good about the team, then a mercilous drubbing.
ReplyDeleteYou started your own brewing company?
ReplyDeleteAll falling into place. Phillies took the lead already. Staying on the couch for fear of slipping, falling down some stairs, and getting my scrotum caught on a bannister splinter.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't Al say "New Orleans" properly?
ReplyDeleteDamn it Carlos.
ReplyDelete"Amoeba Defense" - somebody start a band immediately.
ReplyDeleteMy girlfriend committed a "sack fumble" the other night when she treated them like craps dice. Total mood killer.
ReplyDeleteCooley...needs 1 more yard for rob. Nervous...
ReplyDeleteLet's stop running the ball. Forever.
ReplyDeleteThe Skin's Yards After Catch has got to be a league low.
ReplyDeletetechnically, 3 more yards, geoff. though i may petition the league for points for his blocking on that drive.
ReplyDeletethat was a remarkably competent drive.
ReplyDeleteAll Torain.
ReplyDeleteYuk yuk yuk.
Somebody catch the ball, please. That's three.
ReplyDeleteIf you see a football...swat it to the ground.
ReplyDeleteSomebody call Lester Hayes. We need some fucking stickum.
ReplyDeleteBullshit on that forward progress call. Way to be a simpleton, ref.
ReplyDeleteAll this jittering about on the line is having no impact. Aside from giving me a tick.
ReplyDeletethat shit was clinical
ReplyDeleteHaslett looks like he'll adjust to this hurry-up by Week 9.
ReplyDeleteTook the 49ers three seasons to learn that Andre Carter can't play OLB. Took Haslett 3 weeks. I respect that.
ReplyDeleteNew score prediction: Colts 42, Redskins 35.
80+ yards in 3 minutes - it's the anti-Gibbs offense.
ReplyDeleteKareem Moore won the starting spot via a call-in raffle on WTEM, yes?
ReplyDeleteAl Michaels - Crisp Shirt.
ReplyDeleteAnyone see J. Campbell's numbers today? Explains a lot.
ReplyDeleteWow - 10.7 QB rating? That is some impressive sucking.
ReplyDeletehensley 'bam bam' meulens is the giants' hitting coach. this makes me happy. i knew him when he played in the carolina league for the prince william cannons.
ReplyDeleteThey're not stopping Manning rushing 4.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of "Tits!," I told the zwoman that I was going to bill my tits off this weekend, and now she uses "my tits off" all the time. Like "I brought the laundry up, now I'm going to fold my tits off." She thinks that's funny.
ReplyDeleteWhat she didn't think was funny is that her friend got some sort of staph infection in her nipple, and I couldn't remember her name so I said "How's what's-her-face with the fucked up titties?"
So remember that: doing something until your tits are off is funny, but fucked up titties is not funny.
Campbell was Collinseque (Todd or Kerry).
ReplyDeleteWow. Vinatieri makes that in his sleep. (Gano makes that in practice... sometimes.) Big break.
ReplyDeleteI once hooked up with a girl with such fucked up titties that it prematurely ended a hookup. I removed her bra, and the horrified look on my face caused her to cry. It looked like two torpedoes diving for her waistline.
ReplyDeleteWas she 60?
ReplyDeleteJust flipped over to watch the Giants drop an infield pop-up. I need to stop doing that.
ReplyDeleteNo, she was like 24...and not overweight. It was unexpected...which explains my surprise at seeing the hideousness.
ReplyDeleteSquirrel, please have a little talk with Cooley.
ReplyDeletePlease come up with this ball.
ReplyDeleteSquirrel, please pay my taxes.
ReplyDeletei fear that little rogers imitation will cost me.
ReplyDeletelike you and your offshore accounts pay taxes, geoff
ReplyDeletecarlos rogers has no idea what pierre garcon just did
ReplyDeleteI didn't say that I pay my taxes...just that I thought it'd be nice if you paid them for me.
ReplyDeleteNeed some points on this drive.
ReplyDeletewho the fuck is wearing cody ross's uniform?
ReplyDeleteMight be bedtime.
ReplyDeletei'm now the proud owner of the worst 4-2 team in fantasy history
ReplyDeleteganope
ReplyDelete20-7. Game. Over.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...another break. Interesting.
ReplyDeleteI think this lead will hold up for the Colts. Manning is unimpressed with this 3-4 thing.
ReplyDeleteverrry sneaky, oklahoma
ReplyDeleteSo I have had a 50 inch Samsung DLP tv in my basement for 3 years. Yesterday a white spot the size of a pin showed up on the tv. Today another showed up. I just googled the problem and apparently my tv will be covered with these spots in a matter of days. I feel like my tv got genital warts or something. Its a defect that Samsung will come out and fix for free...but it sucks.
ReplyDeleteStink. Stank. Stunk.
ReplyDeleteThis game feels over. The Colts are just a lot better than the Redskins. This is news to no one.
ReplyDeleteZombies are the new vampires.
ReplyDeleteJust benched the Riggo jersey in favor of Darrell Green. Look for positive results immediately.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit. I was kidding.
ReplyDeleteOrakpo..best player on the team.
ReplyDeleteFG here would be a setback. Need a TD to be in the game.
ReplyDeleteBoom goes the dynamite.
ReplyDeleteDarrell Green, still making things happen. Holy fuck. That's all it took?
ReplyDeleteI also took my pants off...let's not overlook that.
ReplyDeleteBe careful. Last time you ended up with two children.
ReplyDeleteTell Tarkanian the amoeba defense isn't working.
ReplyDeletePierre Garcon seems like a fake name you'd take if witness protection sent you to France.
ReplyDeleteMy wife is safely upstairs...allegedly alone.
ReplyDeleteReed Doughty...commitment to excrement.
ReplyDeleteWorst safety play in the NFL. Mark Murphy is rolling over in his grave and barfing on Alvin Walton.
ReplyDeleteRemember Alvin Walton's triangle haircut? When i was a kid, that was both confusing and awesome.
ReplyDeleteMurder in a Toyota 4-Runner and a kidnapping in a Chevy Tahoe on the next Law & Order: SUV.
ReplyDeleteBad jokes brought to you by the defensive backfield work o Reed Doughty.
Best play of Sellers life?
ReplyDeleteAngerer is pissing me off.
ReplyDeleteJust when I think I'm out, they pull me back in.
ReplyDeleteIf your last name is Moore, you've crapped your pants in this game tonight.
ReplyDeleteSack took them out of Gano's range.
ReplyDeleteName the best Redskins kicker since Mark Mosely?
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of out, did mayhugh go to bed? Or did Geoff's pants off scare him off?
ReplyDeleteAsk your doctor if Cialis for daily use is right for you. Also, ask your friends if you're actually good looking and cool enough to warrant daily use.
ReplyDeleteWho do you think took my pants off? Mayhugh's upstairs pressing them.
ReplyDeleteChip Lohmiller.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could sell of some of my superfluous erections.
ReplyDeleteGood call...totally forgot about Johnny Field Goal. After him, its a parade of Scott Blanton's and Nick Novak's.
ReplyDeleteDo roosters have nuggets?
ReplyDeleteSkins cannot stop Manning. Its turnovers or touchdowns. Very frustrating.
ReplyDeleteHaynesworth is in the luxury box? Not on the field? Ugh.
ReplyDeleteLike I said...
ReplyDeleteDefense showing its nuggets tonight.
ReplyDeleteIgor...its worse than that. Haynesworth's charitable foundation owns a box at FedEx. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteAt some point, you stop taking the nitrates for chest pain and take the damn Viagra, right?
ReplyDeleteWhat a disaster.
ReplyDeleteNice 3rd and 1 playcall with a big bruising back, Richie Petitbon.
ReplyDeleteReed Doughty should just come to my home and kick me in the balls.
ReplyDeleteHe'd misread Google Maps and end up in Vermont. And miss when he tried.
ReplyDeleteSkins will be 3-3 and I believe they have the Bears next week. Playoffs still unlikely...but improving.
ReplyDeleteThank God they instituted that 3-man wedge rule. Otherwise someone might hit someone. This will be a much safer game once we go with flags and stop this barbaric blocking and tackling.
ReplyDeleteNice sense of urgency, smilla.
ReplyDeleteReally wishing Gano didn't suck so bad now, eh?
ReplyDeleteNot much of a hold to call back a TD, assfuck.
ReplyDeleteGeoff, did you step away so mayhugh could measure your inseam, so to speak?
ReplyDeleteI was switching from beer to bourbon....this takes time.
ReplyDeleteThis seems like a bridge too far.
ReplyDeleteSay no more. And good call.
ReplyDeleteFrench for "The Ron."
ReplyDeleteGood first play.
ReplyDeleteGood second.
Let's hope this doesn't play out like the Godfather films.