We will leave the Nationals alone for a day and instead focus on the most exciting news from yesterday - the WNBA 2007 Draft (I refused to use the googles and ebays in this post, so enjoy the misinformation). Who's excited? Not me...2007 WNBA DRAFT - ROUND 1:
1. Phoenix Mercury
Lindsey Harding, G, Duke [Traded to Minnesota Lynx]
Phoenix apparently not fond of paying top picks the big bucks. I heard this chick was good at basketball or something, so I guess she's not the Michael Olowokandi of this draft.
2. San Antonio Silver Stars
Jessica Davenport, C, Ohio St. [Traded to New York Liberty]
Pretty good tennis player, not sure if that sort of lateral movement will translate to the basketball court. Also thinks Greg Oden is 65 years old, but she can be believed, as she has seen the "wrinkly body, loose skin and old balls".
3. Chicago Sky
Armintie Price, G, Mississippi
Look...it's not just men's hoops players who have made-up, asinine first names. Kudos to the Price family for the birth certificate debacle.
4. Minnesota Lynx
Noelle Quinn, G, UCLA
Afflalo says she sucks in the sack. Quinn counters by saying Afflalo can't score when it counts.
5. New York Liberty
Tiffany Jackson, F, Texas
I guess she misses out on the Gail Goestenkors (sp?) era? Can you tell this is an enormous stuggle?
6. Washington Mystics
Bernice Mosby, F, Baylor
The dead guy jokes make Rob uncomfortable, so I've got nothing here...except to say, welcome to "F"un Street Bernice, and enjoy the attendance banners.
7. Seattle Storm
Katie Gearlds, G, Purdue
[Tumbleweed]
8. Houston Comets
Ashley Shields, G, SW Tennessee C.C.
Really, you can just draft community college players into the WNBA? OK, hand her a basketball...and a Berenstain Bears book.
9. Indiana Fever
Alison Bales, C, Duke
A diminutive contributor to this site claims Bales once made out with World Series MVP David Exckstein. We thrive on unconfirmed rumors here. I don't know where he would've gotten a kissing stool that big, though.
10. Chicago Sky
Carla Thomas, F, Vanderbilt
Carl Thomas, anyone? I think this movie was called Juwanna Man, or something terrible like that. You telling me Kevin Pollak saw that script and yet still agreed to be in that movie? Wooooow.
11. Detroit ShockIvory Latta, G, North Carolina
99 44/100 % pure (shooter). The other .56%...well, Shawn Kemp is always a good guess in these instances.
12. Connecticut Sun
Kamesha Hairston, F, Temple
Well, good news...you play in a casino. Bad news...you play in a casino...in bumblefuck Connecticut.
13. Connecticut Sun
Sandrine Gruda, C, France
She's the female Frederic Weis. Really, two picks in a row for the casino franchise? Sounds a little fishy to me (no, stop, don't take that the wrong way...I said "sounds")
As a wise anchorman once said, I immediately regret this decision...
ReplyDeletemercury also not fond of endgame free throw shooting
ReplyDeleteZing...so, now that I've goggled some of this nonsense, it seems Candace Parker wanted to come back for another ring?
ReplyDeleteRich Beem atop the leaderboard at Augusta? Niiiiiiiiice
ReplyDeleteBerenstain Bears sounds like some weird beastiality porn. Um, not that I've ever seen something like that before...(under breath)shit!
ReplyDeletei think this opens up an entirely new market for g:tb.
ReplyDeleteor were we already pretty well set with misogynistic 25-44 year-old dudes?
Who the fuck is 44?
ReplyDeleteYeah, I think we've got that demo sewn up...I eagerly await the first female reader who accidentally stumbles upon this post and gets all salty at Gheorghe.
ReplyDeleteI wish Stacey Dales would stumble upon this site, and then offer to bed Gheorghe.
Could you guys honestly pick any one of these chicks out of a lineup? I know I could not...which of course made me perfectly qualified to do a draft recap.
ReplyDeleteI think I could pick out Lindsey Harding. Only b/c I saw the highlight of her choking on those two free throws against Maryland. Maybe Ivory Latta too. She's got really weird/crazy eyes.
ReplyDeletei could definitely pick out latta, for the same reasons mark mentioned.
ReplyDeleteand mark, nobody's 44. yet.
colin cowherd: turbo douchebag
ReplyDeletehttp://deadspin.com/sports/espn/this-hurts-us-more-than-it-hurts-you-colin-249956.php
i take back all that nice stuff i said about him over at the wheelhouse. interesting timing, too. the big lead had just posted a little piece about how 90% of all athletes would be ignoring the media within 5 years and using the internet to speak directly to fans.
I did see Harding pull the Donyell Marshall, so maybe...maybe...I could pick her out of a lineup, especially if the lineup was conducting like this:
ReplyDeleteCop: Number 1, step forward.
Harding: Hand me the keys, you fucking cocksucker.
Cop: Number 2, step forward.
Mosby: Give me the fucking keys, you fucking cocksucking motherfucker, aaarrrghh.
Cop: Knock it off. Get back. Number 3, step forward.
Gruda: [laughing] Hand me the keys, you cocksucker.
Cop: In English, please?
Gruda: Excuse me?
Cop: In English.
Gruda: Hand me the fucking keys, you cocksucker, what the fuck?
man, is that obtuse.
ReplyDeletei love it.
I have no earthly idea what that was in reference to but it made me laugh, a lot.
ReplyDeleteIf you have not seen that film, than you need to immediately.
ReplyDeleteTwo words: Keyser Soze
Sorry. It's been an awfully long time. I probably need to sit down and watch it again sometime. It's amazing how much info from that period of my life has completely left me. Actually, it's probably more amazing that I remember anything from that point in my life.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure you mean "Big Daddy" and not "Daddy Day Care"?
ReplyDeleteEddie Murphy hasn't been funny in 15 years.
I am afraid to ask, but (1) what line is from daddy day care and (2) why the hell have you seen daddy day care?
ReplyDeleteBig Daddy...now that makes more sense.
ReplyDeleteit's official - i have to hate the mountaineers now. really bums me out.
ReplyDeleteBill Walker's probably close to suicidal right now. He's stuck at K-State. At least Mike Beasley can get out of his LOI.
ReplyDeleteRob, I have the opposite problem with U. of Michigan. Dig the Beilein, don't dig the Wolverines. The negative usually prevails, sad to say.
ReplyDeleteI guess my only question with regards to this post is "Why?"
ReplyDeleteGood question . . . coming from a guy who voluntarily goes over to his chubby buddy's apartment once a week to strip down to his skivvies, step on a scale, and post the results for the masses to mock. Good question.
ReplyDeleteAnd the answer is...hell, I don't have an answer. Just be happy you'll know the top rookies when you renew your Mystics season tickets.
ReplyDeleteFroze my ass off at the Nats game last night...and Jeff Bergman threw 49 pitches in the 1st inning. 49 fucking pitches in the first.
ReplyDeleteCan anybody explain to me why both the Nats-DBacks and the Yankees-DRays are both playing in the northern cities instead of the more logical southern locales? I'm sure that schedule making is too complex for my feeble little mind to comprehend but this seems like an easily avoidable scenario.
ReplyDeletetypical east coast liberal elite media bias, i'm sure.
ReplyDeleteThe homo part of Mike and Mike raised that point this morning, but it was hard to hear him with Eric Mangini's balls in his mouth.
ReplyDeleteIt's just mind boggling that MLB whould choose to schedule thse games during this tiem of the year. I guess I shouldn't ever be surprised by the ineptitude of MLB execs but, well, I am.
ReplyDeleteBud Selig and his $14 mil paycheck laugh in your general direction.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, it is not a good sign that Da Meat Hook is the best player on the Nats right now.
Having attending my first game of the year last night, I obviously still think this Nats team is losing 100+ games, but all-in-all they are a good group of young guys and easy to root for. I am even softening my stance on alcoholic wifebeater D Young. As the game ended, that also seemed to be the consensus of the 750 people left in the stands, due to the artic conditions. "Man, these guys suck...but I don't mind rooting for them."
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, Jose Valverde, you know I was in your head last night. I saw you looking at me. You really are Jorge Julio Jr. pal. Trust me.
teejay mcboyle, scourge of middling latino relief pitchers across the league.
ReplyDeleteOscar Villareal better be on his toes...
ReplyDeletethe big lead is still down - i hope he sues espn and colin cowherd silly.
ReplyDeleteadmit it, you hate the brown people. you're jealous as all get out of their melanin.
ReplyDeleteI most certainly am. And before I type anything else, I'll stop.
ReplyDeleteHey Rob, I heard the Red Sox have some asian pitcher on their team, or something. Hope he does well.
ReplyDeletei'm looking forward to the linguistic battle between the asian "r = l" and the boston "h = r". jerry remy and matsuzaka will need multiple layers of translators to communicate with one another.
ReplyDeleteNo more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food.
ReplyDeleteOK, SportsGuy got me with this:
ReplyDelete12:03 -- Three up, three down for Dice in the third. He's cruising at this point (strikeout, 20-foot grounder, popout) and looks legitimately bored.
OK, time for my impression of every exchange between Dice and Varitek when 'Tek comes to the mound:
Tek (loudly): ARE ... YOU ... OK?
Dice: Yes.
Tek: YOU ... ARE ... DOING ... GREAT!
Dice (smiling): Yes.
(Two seconds of awkward silence.)
Tek: OK ... BYE!
(Jogs back to home plate as Dice continues to smile.)
yeah, that was okay, but the intro paragraph to that diary was one of the worst i've ever seen by a paid columnist.
ReplyDeleteHe seemed a little too like a kid in that article. I give his debut an A quintuple plus. Really, for scattering six hits against KC?
ReplyDelete