In the hopes of someday dunking a basketball or perhaps riding Space Mountain without the attendant hassling you, myself and Gheorghe: The Blog contributors Rob and Whitney (Dennis, you are welcome too of course) are entering into a height gain wager. There will be weekly stand-ins, the results of which will be updated here at Gheorghe: The Blog HQ.The details...
Timeline: The bet began with last night's stand-in (February 6th for those scoring at home), and since this country measures its winners by gross means (stupid anti-aesthetes), the tallest contestant as of April 20, 2007 is the winner.
Execution: Inspired by the seminal Val Kilmer comedy, Real Genius, we'll be using laser technology to measure the contestants most weeks. If by some chance the contestants find themselves in the same location (unlikely, but possible), we'll use a chain of chewing gum wrappers to take the weekly measurement.
Rules: We measure together every Tuesday, rain or shine. Well, not actually rain, because that'll fuck up the laser. Shine only. The results of the stand-ins will be posted weekly at Gheorghe: The Blog, and likely on any number of blogs and websites that get swept up in the phenomenon.
Penalty: If either one of us “quits” the bet, there is a $15 penalty for each week of the bet given up on, with the minimum penalty of $50 and a maximum of $150. Also, Rob will continue to pay the societal penalty of being nearly 6 inches shorter than the average American male.
Stakes: The winner will purchase a round of adult beverages for each of the other contestants, as he has already received substantial benefit from the world at large on account of his superior height. Frankly, he owes us.
THE AFOREMENTIONED UPDATE:
The first official stand-in took place last night using Gheorghe: The Blog's experimental new laser measurement technology. After some initial glitches (Whit, those eyebrows will likely grow back relatively quickly), the LED readout gave us the following starting heights:
Rob: 5'5"
Whit: 6'6"
TJ: 6'2"
(Note: the most difficult part of the measuring process was getting someone to stand still long enough to get a reading. That someone spent most of the time trying to light a fatty with the laser.)
The next stand-in will take place Tuesday, February 13 at approximately 7pm. Rob will be driving back from Philadelphia, so his reading may be impacted by the earth's curvature.
As I have both dunked a basketball and ridden Space Mountain before (though I don't expect to do either again any time soon), my goal is the obvious one. I'm going for 6'9".
ReplyDeleteAnd I think I am at the disadvantage here. At my current I likely have only a few inches to gain, while Rob has another head or two to grow to reach adult size. It's all out there for him.
ReplyDeletedunking on an 8' hoop does not count, my friend.
ReplyDeleteThis is gonna be one tough, grueling contest...I hope we all make it to the end.
ReplyDeletei'm standing on my tip-toes right now. i'm an easy 5'7".
ReplyDeleteThat's because it's the moring...you're always taller in the morning.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's height gain 101, Rob. Time of day does indeed make a difference.
ReplyDeleteit's been waaay too long since i've been able to fit into my tall clothes. i've got this sweet tailored pinstripe suit that hasn't fit me in years. can't wait to not only look taller, but be taller.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, though, guys, I don't want this to be a crash height gain -- I really want to put it on and keep it on this time. Fluctuating heights aren't good for any of us.
ReplyDeletethe stretch marks are a killer
ReplyDeleteA taller worker is a better work, I always say.
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean about the tall clothes thing. I end up keeping my shorter stuff in the attic even when I am gaining height, knowing my laziness might resurface and I end up 6'3" in baggies again. Now I am bucking for some serious high-water trousers.
ReplyDeleteObviously, all the height gain pills I took have caused mutliple typos...I'm wasted.
ReplyDeletei ate this cookie, and now i can't find the rabbit
ReplyDeletehi mark!
ReplyDeleteEven with Rob on his toes, I've still got him beat. I'm shooting for 6'0" by the end of the month. hopefully, I won't ahve to eat at Cap Grille though. That will kill my momentum.
ReplyDeleteHi Rob!
ReplyDeletei'm eating at cap grille tomorrow for lunch. i plan to have the kangaroo - it's got lots of growth-promoting beta carotenes.
ReplyDeletesteinbog now has a top 5 blogs of the day feature. guessing that the inside jokes of a small group of morons probably won't make the cut.
ReplyDeleteGood guess...
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't be caught dead blogging with the those fags.
ReplyDeleteAnd these grapes taste funny.
I hate you all.
ReplyDelete40-Love, Gheorghe.
Can I get a Signing Day recap from those most in the know (especially since that one guy is in London)?
ReplyDeleteCheck my blog, its got a link to the Scout.com site. CNNSI.com has a decent recap of the day so far as well.
ReplyDeleteI can probably tell you specifics if you want, as well.
Give me Top 5 classes, I think ND is Top 5, and tell me how much pole Jimmy Clausen smokes?
ReplyDeletePlease...
ReplyDeleteJimmy Clausen is an overrated pole smoker to be sure. i love how nobody bothers to mention that he'll be 20 when he enrolls at ND. Prepare to be underwhelmed with him.
ReplyDeleteThe top 5 classes could switch around in order a bit depending on a few commits but its pretty much:
1. Florida (26-27 commits)
2. USC (18 commits, unbelievably impressive with that # of recruits)
3. Tennessee (32 commits)
4. Texas (24 commits)
5. LSU (24 commits)
As you can see, the SEC continues to be a murderer's row of talent in both the player and coaching depts.
Rounding out the top 10:
6. South Carolina (Best class in its history)
7. Auburn
8. Notre Dame (Very good on O, D is weak once again)
9. Georgia
10. Oregon
Not to harp on the SEC thing, but UGA is #9 in the country and #6 in its own conference. Amazing.
Spurrier cheating to get to #6? Or do all the Ricky Bakers want to play for the Ball Coach?
ReplyDeleteThose were the Rivals.com rankings, here is the Scout.com rankings:
ReplyDeletehttp://recruiting.scout.com/2/615949.html
And ESPN (who's fairly clueless in the grand scheme of things):
1. UF
2. USC
3. Texas
4. South Carolina
5. ND
Spurrier's recruiting success surprised alot of people, as that was the big knock on him during the later years at UF. The explanation in my mind is that he's raised the profile of that school, and he sold a bunch of kids on taking USC to the next level and getting some early PT in the process. Plus, I think he's motivated to be uber-successful one last time to help restore some of the shine lost in DC.
ReplyDeletespurrier needs to get taller
ReplyDeleteA quick heads-up to those South Carolina recruits: don't be going and getting short this summer. He had one WR show up at 5'8" last August, and he nearly worked the kid to death to get him back to his playing height of 6'3".
ReplyDeleteGaining that much height in those conditions is not healthy.
ReplyDeletethe change in atmospheric oxygen levels can be deadly. frankly, it's my biggest concern about this contest.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest concern is the unfair advantage TJ has, given the timing of the final measurement. He has claimed for years that he was always biggest in April.
ReplyDeleteOK, that got me...I was all ready for the 4/20 joke and didn't see that coming...
ReplyDeletei plan to be in texas for the final measurement.
ReplyDeleteDamn it...things are ALWAYS bigger in Texas.
ReplyDeleteyou gotta get up pretty early in the morning to sneak one past teejay
ReplyDeleteDem fighting words
ReplyDeleteZook?
ReplyDeleteIllinois, one of the worst teams among the major conferences in college football in recent seasons, has astounded experts and enraged rivals by putting together one of the nation’s best recruiting classes. When recruits make their final commitments on national signing day today, Illinois Coach Ron Zook is expected to have collected one of the strongest groups in the Big Ten and among the country’s top 15. In several cases, the Illini won head-to-head recruiting battles against traditional powers like Notre Dame, Michigan and Ohio State."
feeling tall this morning. who wants to go get things out of cupboards?
ReplyDeleteI saw a guy walking down the street with a shirt that said "Everything is Bigger in LEEDS"
ReplyDeleteare english football fans agog over the u.s.' continued dominance of mexico?
ReplyDeleteI'd say they're more concerned by another dispirited effort from the home lads against Spain. Those guys just can't get it together.
ReplyDeletesomewhere, beckham chuckles. and then can't remember where he left his loofah.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure he is, but he wouldn't have helped. The midfield was full enough that they were playing Gerard on the outside. They really missed Lennon, who's still sick. Rooney would've helped up top as well. They really need to pick one from Gerard and Lampard and just go with it.
ReplyDeleteI'd imagine the Brazilians are similarly displeased with their sides showing against Portugal.
ReplyDeleteWas Rooney injured? I hadn't heard much about the match until I saw the highlights last night.
Rooney was banged up, Lennon was sick, Terry and both Coles were also out. They still had enough talent to put a good team out there. Crouch started alone up top, which was kind of awkward. It was a friendly so there was lots of subbing in the 2nd half.
ReplyDeleteI don't care for Crouch much. I know he's huge, but he lacks much creativity in space and doesn't seem to play as big in the box as his height would suggest.
ReplyDeleteEven with it being a friendly, I would imagine the papers are in full panic mode after yet another disappointing showing for the home side.
breaking news on the stand-in front. several sources have confirmed that whitney is actually 6'5". teejay and i are gaining on him.
ReplyDeleteYeah, they're getting hammered. The British press is pretty fatalistic (is that a word?) when it comes to their national teams. They're shocked any time they win a game. They're giving Israel the Lou Holtz treatment for the upcoming Euro qualifier.
ReplyDeleteCrouch isn't as bad as he looks, but he's not that great either. He's not even consistently starting at Liverpool. England is a bit thin up front though. Jermaine Defoe came in late and he's not all that great.
Since we're talking soccer here, did anybody catch the goal Conrad scored last night on a header from the corner of the box? While somewhat lucky, that was as hard as you'll ever see a header struck. Very impressive. Landon Donovan's A-Rod impression the the 90th minute was somewhat less impressive, however.
ReplyDeleteit (the conrad header) was also terrrrible marking by the mexico defense.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. The Mexican keeper (Sanchez) should also be heavily fined and/or suspended for his attack on Eddie Johnson. He could've badly injured Johnson on that play and its just that sort of attitude and style that makes the Mexican team so hateable.
ReplyDeletebronson arroyo got 2 years/$25m from the reds. holy hot fuck.
ReplyDeletewait, hold on, I was over ath the Wheelhouse and someone mentioned that people still read Gheorghe. This is interesting news. I was disappointed to find out that it was just TJ, Whit, and Rob talking. I could get 2/3 of that same quality conversation while listening to the homeless drunks down by the Union Station.
ReplyDeletealso, I'm not sure of the future of hot action. I released the reins to burr and brubeck. hopefully they have done something. Arlington is raising the percentage of Arlington residents for the team. perfect.
ReplyDeleteTranslation(s): I am intellectually equipped neither to get the jokes here nor to run a men's league softball team.
ReplyDeleteHuge night in the CAA...Hofstra's loss to Drexel combined with VCU's win over George Mason gives the Rams a 2 game lead in the conference. They're now 21-4, 13-1 in the CAA.
ReplyDeleteif vcu finishes the conference season 24-5, 16-2 and wins at least once in the caa tourney, they've got to get into the big dance. and they could beat a lot of major conference teams.
ReplyDeletein other news, the tribe's only a game out of 5th place in the conference, though they have some tough sledding the rest of the way.
The Tribe's 6 CAA wins are quite a step up from the 3, 3 and 4 win campaigns of the last few years.
ReplyDeleteshaver's definitely got them moving in the right direction, and they're pretty young at the moment. cautious optimism abounds.
ReplyDeleteDoes the CAA tourney get TV coverage, or just the final?
ReplyDeleteall the games (until the final, which is on the ESPN) are televised on something called CN8 - anyone that knows what that is would be a big help.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.caasports.com/ViewArticle.dbml?DB_OEM_ID=8500&ATCLID=742373
CN8 is channel 21 in Arlington I believe...
ReplyDeletewhat is it on direct tv - any clue?
ReplyDeletelooks like the sports reporters on wtem is moving to the john thompson show timeslot starting monday. that's fanstastic news for dc area sports fans, though they're gonna have a hard time comepeting with el riggo. at least i've got somewhere to go now when riggo gets stuck "interviewing" someone from a sport he knows nothing about.
ReplyDelete