For Schur

Friends, gheorghies, and silly people, lend me your eyes;

I come to praise Michael Schur, not to envy him.
The dreck that men and women write makes headlines.
The good is oft relegated to the abyss.
Do not let it be so with Schur.

Wel'p, that’s enough Bastardized Bard for one post. Using less iambic pentameter (of the sloppiest variety), today I’m simply espousing the work of someone that most of you are familiar with in one form or another: writer, producer, director, actor, show creator, author, and blogger Michael Schur. 

The dude has proven prolific.

Here’s how many folks know Michael Schur:

1. Fire Joe Morgan co-creator / blogger. Between 2005 and 2008, Michael Schur assumed the pen name of "Ken Tremendous" at Fire Joe Morgan, a short-lived but wildly popular blog with the tagline "Where Bad Sports Journalism Came To Die." Skewerings of shoddy, hackneyed, often cloying platitudes posing as thoughtful sportswriting emanated regularly from a pseudonymed trio of former Harvard Lampooners -- you know, sharp-witted nerds using their wits for inane comedy. (A sound methodology if there ever was one!) 

This was midlife Misery Loves Company and early years Gheorghe: The Blog, so in addition to some mission overlap, there was some occasional direct hat-tipping to FJM at GTB. Those gents were consistently hilarious, and their fine work (evidenced here and here, just for a nostalgic chuckle) inspired some gheorghey knock-offs. Overtly or subtly. 

Whitney Says: I only visited FJM here and there in its day, but it jumped out as a textbook (comic book) template for what rob, Teej, and I wanted to do, even as we were sort of doing it.  Ken Tremendous said in the postmortem that FJM was created "to make each other laugh." That's the piece that resonates most directly with me. Why on earth would the lot of folks at Gheorghe: The Blog have posted and commented on 5,300+ pieces of thought-revoking dipshittery over 21 years here if not for that principal premise?

2. Mose (and a writer) on The Office. He played Dwight Shrute's cousin, fellow beet farmer, and barn-mate on the U.S. version of the show from time to time. Mose, he was called. Amusing oddity.

He also penned a dozen episodes of the show, including "Office Olympics," "Christmas Party," and one my favorite episodes of any show, "The Return." Really great stuff. 

Whitney Says: I watched each episode of the U.K. version of The Office when it first came out on DVD (you know, those silver coasters in your basement), and it strengthened my abs a wee bit from the guffaws -- but tightened my taint considerably from the puckering at so very many awkward scenes. The Americano variety was far more sippable, to me and to many. My US version viewing story arc was similar to that of Jan Levinson -- five years of decent consistency, then fading away with rare cameos (and some psychosis). By then Mike Schur had moseyed on, except a rare pop-in as Mose. 

Others may know Michael Schur as:

3. SNL writer from 1998-2004. I didn't realize he was one until I googled him for this. I don't even know what sketches he wrote or co-wrote. But it's a CV standout for anyone, so there you go.

Whitney Says: Um, nothing. I'm sure he did great stuff, but I don't know what. You may.

4. Parks and Recreation co-creator, (sometimes) writer/director, executive producer. What a solid show. 7 seasons, 126 episodes, 8,316 laughs. The documentarian format from The Office but set in... a government office this time! Despite that carryover, it's utterly fresh and super ridiculous. A-plus characters, with Amy Poehler at the helm of the cast. Thoroughly well-written. 

This 4-minute clip from an episode well past the show's accepted heyday does it no real justice, but I like it, anyway:

Whitney Says: I never watched this show in its initial run (2009-2015). Instead, I got my interest piqued and my fancy tickled once it was on IFC in back-to-back-to-back-to-you-get-the-picture scheduling. I watched the whole thing start to finish in 2022-23. It's catchy, and good fun all the way through. Treat yo self if you have the chance.

Intermission: check out this site -- Bingeclock. You can see how long it will take you to watch a series in its entirety. Lord help us. 

5. Brooklyn Nine-Nine co-creator, (sometimes) writer/director, executive producer. So while Parks and Rec was still rolling along, Mike Schur does what many a resident genius does, branches out and dispenses more goodness while the honeypot is still full. Or something like that. What a solid show. 8 seasons, 153 episodes, 10,898 laughs. (You know, I think I'm really undercutting them on these laughs; there's far more than 3 per minute.)

It seems the documentary thing had run its course, so this was a throwback to classic sitcom land. I read that it had been since Barney Miller since a comedy show really did the cop precinct thing right, which is high praise. And Brooklyn Nine-Nine did it right. Again, a symphony of great characters, the same stellar wordplay, and another killer lead. (You gotta enjoy Andy Samberg for this one to snag you, and I certainly do.)

Side Note: Fans of The State (which several gheorghies are) will see Joe Lo Truglio as prominent cast member Charles Boyle and Ken Marino as a repeat guest. I contend that this is Lo Truglio's finest hour onscreen to date; his character Charles Boyle just gets better with each episode.

Whitney Says: Once again, I never watched this show in its initial run (2013-2021). The 2010's era was back in my drinkin' days, so I was way too busy rocking out to watch network TV, you rubes. But I absorbed every single episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine this year, making time amidst my new marital bliss. I saw that it was available on Netflix and dove in. Well, Netflix offers the first four seasons. I had to deftly make the leap to Peacock midstream. [Title of your sex tape.] Worth it. Binge that mofo. 

Far fewer people know Michael Schur as:

6. Master of None executive producer. Aziz Ansari's starring vehicle ran for 3 seasons and 25 shows starting in 2015.

 

Whitney Says: . . . but I haven't caught any of them. Well, I did start to watch the first episode one night. Alas, a combo of Dale's Pale Ale and a sluggish opening derailed it. [Title of your sex tape. Dammit, wrong show.] Maybe someday, as Robert Smith once sang. 

7. Rutherford Falls co-creator, writer, executive producer. In 2021, after a slew of major victories, Mike Schur embarked on an earnest new show featuring Ed Helms (featured in The Office and guest on B9-9) and Jana Schmieding. Schmieding is a Lakota woman, and the show is centered around the knotty threads of Native American life in a midwest town desperate clinging to its colonial-era history (and colonialism): the town of Rutherford Falls. Helms is a doofy descendant of the town's founders whose identity is inextricably sewn into that genealogy. Many a barb is hurled at Caucasian ignorance/arrogance and the travails of the Native American, both through the years and now. And it's not the only progressive stride the show nimbly makes. It's quite well crafted, but in a comedic way with amiably amusing characters. It's better than I paint it. 

Whitney Says: Yeah, so my sum-up didn't make it sound side-splitting, but compared to Parks & Rec and B9-9, it really wasn't. It entertained and induced many a wry smile from me but almost never made me giggle like the other shows did. The plug got pulled after 2 seasons, just 18 episodes. If you're a Mike Schur completist, which is not actually a thing, it's a quick watch (8.5 hours, according to Bingeclock), but most of you have likely let it slide by and still will. 

What some people -- but not nearly enough people -- know Michael Schur as:

8. The Good Place co-creator, (sometimes) writer/director, executive producer. What a solid show, which is what I said twice before but holds up for sure (pun planned out!) with The Good Place. The premise is simple: a fairly young woman (Kristen Bell) dies and winds up in what some would call Heaven -- but only due a clerical error. She was an absolute skunk of a human on earth, and she's trying not to get outed in the Good Place. I'll leave it at that, because you should watch it.

Why? Well, it's a taut four seasons (53 episodes; 17 hours) rife with tip-top comedy that benefits from the same machete-sharp writing, abandoned laugh track, and solidly silly storylines as the aforementioned greatness. But what separates this show was Michael Schur's true, unending passion: moral philosophy. You know, ethics. What makes us better than the animals... sometimes. Schur is neck-deep in this thinking and has an extraordinary wealth of knowledge and deep thoughts on the subject. Like a whole lotta brain time focused on this stuff. Some backstory:

 

Out of that -- obsession is too much of a pejorative, so I'd call it utter fascination with ethical philosophy -- came The Good Place. If this show is a comedy vehicle, it might look from the street to be a fairly standard sedan with all of the three-punch comedy tropes and resolutions wrapped up by minute :22, but do not be fooled: it's not. The gasoline in the engine, the synthetic blend in the oil tank, the fuel and water in the carburetor, the data in the technology package, the air blowing through the A/C into your face, and even the fine Corinthian leather (h/t to Sentence of Dave) is all imbued with -- steeped in -- the asking, musing upon, struggling with, and answering of pondersome, sometimes ponderous ethical questions about Life and How to Live It.

Random total non sequitur interlude! Life and how to live it! With a story!

Welcome back. Anyway, It's important to keep The Good Place's plotlines cloaked, because there are fun surprises along the way. But know this: it's a hilarious ride may far more intriguing when moral philosophy isn't just noted as part of the plot (the weighing of the protagonist's "belonging" in Heaven is complicated by her pairing with a recently deceased Professor of Ethics and Moral Philosophy) but as a constant undercurrent to so much of the journey that the show makes. 

It's way better than this generic promo pic would suggest

Whitney Says: Yet again, I never watched any of this show in its initial run (2016-2020). I'm staggeringly cutting edge, I know. But I took a flier on the show in late 2023 without knowing (a) anything about the story, (b) that Michael Schur was a co-creator, (c) what Michael Schur had done prior, or (d) that Ethics and Moral Philosophy could make me laugh so much. Even if they constantly slag my elder daughter's new home state (Arizona, sorry, Zoë) and one of the gheorghies' neighboring towns (Jacksonville, sorry, Dan). Good shit, though. 

I was in a strange phase I now call my "Death Groove," one in which I randomly, subconsciously selected certain shows to binge watch during downtime minus the missus (on a plane, late at night when I'm up alone, times when she's traveling the nation in trying to keep the Tree from becoming Timber), all of which feature postmortem humor as a critical component:

• The Good Place
• Ghosts
• Pushing Daisies
• What We Do in the Shadows (sort of counts)

And they were all worthy. But maybe I'm dying?

Nevertheless, I sped through all 53 episodes of The Good Place, and I loved it. Not only that, after I subsequently watched Brooklyn 9-9 and Rutherford Falls and dug in whole hog on this Mike Schur phenom, I started re-watching TGP in its best bits and pieces with the ethical bent firmly in mind. Still great. All the way through the final episodes, which really take you into a deep thoughts mindmaze.

So, take this all under advisement -- if, of course, you want to know how to be perfect, ethically speaking.

But wait! There's more! 

What only a few of you might know Michael Schur as:

9. How to Be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question author. Act now and you can read a Michael Schur-penned book that also braids this kind of philosophical self-excavating with silly comedy!

Really? Yes, really. Amazon tells me: 

"From the creator of The Good Place and the cocreator of Parks and Recreation, a hilarious, thought-provoking guide to living an ethical life, drawing on 2,400 years of deep thinking from around the world."

Alrighty then. I'm game. I just found out about this whilst kicking through the legwork for this post. I'm a ripe huckleberry for the book. Available in audio format as well, narrated by the stars of The Good Place!

But wait! There's more! Come on, Whitney. Enough!!

No!!!

What it would not be possible yet to know Michael Schur as:

10. A Man on the Inside creator, writer/director, executive producer. What a solid show, I hope I'll be saying. It begins airing this Thursday!

Wow.

I can't say for sure what this confluence of talent, television, philosophy, death, afterlife, writing, laughing, blogging, and the least unhealthy bingeing that I do all means, but it feels like it's got to mean something. For now, I'm simply tipping my cap and acknowledging someone who's not vastly unlike many of us herein and who took his wicked smarts and strong penchant for funniness to higher heights than I could ever have aspired to ascend. Wish I could have made such a bad-assed climb.

[Title of my sex tape.]

A Very Special Blogpost

Sitcoms in the 1980's would occasionally do a "very special episode" which was code for "serious," like when Father Mulcahey did a tracheotomy, or when Tom Hanks played Alex P. Keaton's alcoholic uncle, or when Jessie Spano was so excited.

This post is along those lines.  My apologies in advance.

Almost eight years ago I opined that "we stand at the precipice of what's shaping up to be the most transparently corrupt four year stretch of our federal government's history."  We're now at a newer precipice that is simultaneously more transparent and more corrupt.  I could write at length about how crooked it will be when a major government contractor decides how the government will spend money but I have bigger concerns.

One of the key concepts that makes the oldest democracy in the world so great (despite some people saying it needs to be made great again, I think it's great and always has been) is the separation of powers.  Click on that link to the Library of Congress website, they have a nice short summary of the doctrine.  I'll wait for you.

You're back!  You now know that the Founders separated government powers to avoid a monarchy and preserve individual liberty.  You also now know that one of the key separated powers is the appointment of federal officers--the president picks them but the Senate approves them.  This prevents the president from putting unqualified cronies and lickspittles in positions of power.

President-elect Trump recently twat from his fugazi Twitter platform that he wants to avoid Senate approval for his cabinet picks, and that the next Senate majority leader must agree.  Predictably, the three clowns senators vying to be the Senate leader practically tripped over themselves in a rush to acquiesce to Trump's demand.

This is really bad.  It's so bad that National Review's Ed Whelan says it's bad.  We are watching Trump aggregate a separated power of the Senate unto the Presidency before he's even sworn in, and no one plans to stop him.  It's only going to get worse once he's back in the Oval Office.

The worst way it gets worse is Trump's pick of Matt Gaetz for Attorney General.  All of Trump's picks so far are stars of the MAGA extended cinematic universe.  I don't know if this is because Trump's Diet-Coke-and-Big-Mac addled brain can only come up with people he sees on Fox News, or if it's red meat for his cult base, or both.  They're all bad in their own unique ways but Gaetz terrifies me.

Gaetz was not selected for his legal experience or acumen.  He apparently practiced for nine or ten years, and six of those years coincided with his time in the Florida House so I doubt he was billing 2000 hours a year.  Wikipedia says that after graduating from Marshall-Wythe he was at AnchorsGordon, a nine person shop in northwestern Florida.  I am not being an elitist when I say this is not the right resume for the person tasked with leading 10,000 lawyers, the FBI, DEA, OIG, ATF, INTERPOL, and lots of other important stuff.

Gaetz got this job because he'll do whatever Trump wants--he's one of the aforementioned unqualified cronies and lickspittles.  And what Trump wants is to use the police power of the federal government to harass and maybe even imprison people who opposed him.  Once that becomes the new norm there will be no opposition because all dissenters will be gagged or too scared to say anything.  Can you think of any reason why Gaetz wouldn't do this?  Why he wouldn't do this gleefully?  You don't think that if all the AUSAs of good conscience resign when asked to corruptly investigate or indict Trump's enemies, a glut of mini-Gaetzes won't rise up to take those jobs?

I can deal with the head of hair at DoD, the doge assassin at DHS and Pat Summerall's kid as CoS.  But I fear that Gaetz as AG is the beginning of the end of the world's oldest democracy.

And now back to your regularly scheduled dipshittery.

The Examined Life

I’ve yammered about various health issues and concerns in this space previously and y’all have been wonderfully indulgent. As the audience is younger than me, I don’t mind being a canary in the coal mine and providing the occasional non-clinical take on the joys of aging. 

Entertaining as it is to read about enlarged atria and mitral valve regurgitation, let me take a different tack and offer a suggestion: Record stuff. Everything. Every condition, procedure, screening, test, diagnosis. Torn ligaments, swollen prostates, lumpy breasts, blood sugar spikes, heart flutters, uterine fibroids, the unwelcome polyp or two. Put them in a journal, notebook, computer disc, hard drive, video diary, whatever your preferred receptacle. Research your parents and families and their health issues through the years, as best you can, and record them, as well. 

To paraphrase the minstrel Gordon Sumner: Every bone you break, every med you take, I’ll be watching you. The information will benefit not only you, but the youngsters. Health care will become more diverse and specialized as you age. Walking into a doc’s office with a reasonably comprehensive personal and family history will help them treat you and identify potential future concerns. As your kids get older and become responsible for their own health care and consider starting families, their own records and yours will inform them and their doctors. That info could prompt early and preventive screenings and practices. Who knows, insurance might even cover it. Hey, miracles happen. 

Think of a family health history as your kids’ least favorite Christmas present. I say this as a habitual note taker and hoarder professionally who was pretty cavalier, if not negligent, about personal info. I kept box scores and media guides and news files for decades, but often couldn’t pull when I had blood work or a colonoscopy or stress test. Only in recent years have I gotten more diligent about taking notes and keeping records related to me. Some of you may already do this. If so, salute. If not, there’s time. 

Granted, digitized record keeping enables access to years’ worth of tests and treatments quickly and easily, so in some cases one need not carry and pull out the family album. But if you’re referred to a cardiac or gastro or endocrinology doc, there’s no guarantee that their computers, or more likely the staffers who man their computers, will communicate with your primary care doc or whomever did the referring. 

I’ve experienced instances where my local cardiac guy’s findings were unknown to a cardiac specialist I see elsewhere and vice versa, even though they’re in the same (gargantuan) network, and neither’s diagnosis made it to my primary care doc before I saw him for a regular check-up months later. Keeping your own records reduces the chances of falling through the cyber cracks, or at least providing some background if the doc standing before you makes a face as if she was suddenly handed a Turkish train schedule. 

Also, evident midway through my seventh decade is that the disruptor gremlins don’t politely wait in line or take turns, as some of you are doubtless aware. A thyroid issue may arise alongside heart arrhythmia, joining that touch of arthritis in your knees and ankles for an assemblage of delight. Chronicling all of it won’t alleviate the problems but provides a sense that we’re aware and not a dinghy helplessly caught in a squall. We’re essentially security cams or mall cops when it comes to our health, unable to remedy a situation but at least recognize that something irregular is afoot and alert the authorities. 

Which prompts one more recommendation: listen to your body. I get that most of us don’t want to come off as alarmists or hypochondriacs, hustling to the doc for every tweak and ache and ailment. I still tend to chalk up various discomforts as old guy distinctions and tolerate them. But once we cross 50, any condition that lingers is worth exploring. Understand, as well, that some conditions present themselves, others do not. So get screened for the stuff you can’t see or feel right away. Erosion comes for us all. Give yourself a chance to endure it knowledgeably, if not always comfortably. Sedation remains an option, and methods and ingredients may vary.

Weekstart Wisdom

If you're like me and still a little bit baffled about the state of the world, or at least our corner of it, and wondering about what comes next, you could do worse than reflect on this from Jeff Goldblum.

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A post shared by The Late Show (@colbertlateshow)

May your splendid torches outshine the selfish little clods ascendant.

Dildos Abound!

I am wildly out of touch with life in modern America.  I remember a time when certain things were kept under wraps, were only available at shady stores on highway stripmalls or sketchy mail order catalogs, or in the back of the bodega behind swinging saloon doors, when they weren't talked about in polite society.  Not anymore.  To wit, dildos are popping up everywhere.

First, I was out doing some shopping for zmom and I went into CVS to get her some TP and baby wipes.  This wasn't my local CVS, I was one town over, so I had to stagger around to find what I needed.  I stumbled across this.

I'm out here shopping for my mother and they have a whole aisle of dildos, lubes and dick sprays?  What if I was with my 10-year-old daughter?  How the hell do I explain "buzzy butt, a vibrating toy for backside play"?  They sell dildos at CVS?!  

Second, the New York Times, The Gray Lady, the purveyor of all the news that's fit to print, emailed me a link to a Wirecutter article titled "The 13 Best Self-Care Gifts to Buy Yourself."  I could use some self-care right about now so I clicked on it.  As I scrolled down, the second item on the list is, you guessed it, a dildo.

You can get it at Amazon ... for $119?!  Inflation is real.  Again, what if my 10-year-old daughter was reading the New York Times?  How am I supposed to explain "A suction vibrator is meant to simulate oral sex, and the Dame Aer is our pick of its type."  They review dildos at the Times?!

Third, I have voted in nine presidential elections and my pick won only three times.  Joe Biden was on all three of those ballots so maybe he shouldn't have dropped out this time.  I say this because, as you may have heard, Donald Trump won on Tuesday.  He even won a majority of the popular vote!  How am I supposed to explain this to my 10-year-old daughter?  They put this fucking dildo back in the White House?!

Have a Drink with Gheorghe: The Blog (Legally)

That's right, your favorite blogospheric stopping point, Gheorghe: The Blog, turns 21 today!

Booze it up with the Gheorghies. And watch this -- which rob and I cannot believe we've never posted here:

Today we celebrate 21 years of formally celebrating Gheorghe Mureșan with a namesake blog. And, wow, does this quote from that very first post hit home at the moment: "Gheorghe's spirit and the joy with which he appears to approach life offer lessons for all of us about the important things. This space will celebrate those in sports and elsewhere that live with Gheorgheness, and skewer those that think they are more important than the game - be it sports or life."

Just in case you don't have anything else to drink about this week, have one now.

Fin

We are what our record says we are.