GTB5K

"I don't trust anyone that can't laugh at himself."

Those are the first words ever committed to the interwebz under the banner of Gheorghe: The Blog, way back on November 7, 2003. If I had it to do again, I'd broaden the gender category - that's one of the many ways we've become more enlightened humans around this space. But I feel pretty good about how that sentiment has held up, and how we've maintained that ethos lo these many years.

This post represents a milestone in absurdity, self-referential writing, friendship, and love. This post, my friends is the 5,000th in the history of Gheorghe: The Blog. We've seen more than 3.5 million pageviews and over 137,000 comments in that span. We've met internet friends who've turned into real ones, and built tighter friendships with good humans we already knew. Not bad for a paean to dipshittery cooked up by a guy who was bored at work - and really importantly, picked up and kickstarted by a different guy in a similar professional situation. It's an unequivocal fact: there is no community of Gheorghies without the Teej.

So we gather here at this august moment in history to celebrate that community, built on whimsy, grounded in silliness, buttressed by shared interests, adorned occasionally with sentiment, decent writing, and serious musings. I've assembled a cast of a couple to talk about their experience over these nearly twenty years, and I'd love to hear about yours in the comments.

[Amused after the fact, though I probably shouldn't be, how similar many of our answers are. The GTB hive is real and it's spectacular.]

What's your earliest GTB memory? 

Whitney

Check out this email! (And my ignorant reply.) 

Gheorghe: the internet magazine, whatever that is, popped up in the earliest part of the millennium, just as a tool for us tools to writer about what we like and aspire to make each other think… or at least chuckle. Blink and you missed it. 

Cue the Webster… Then came you, Gheorghe: The Blog! 

Fresh off a season of watching baseball with Rob, I saw him leap into the deep end of this blog. And then promptly hand the keys to the cabana to the Teej. Give rob ownership and founding father status, of course, but be sure to give TJ credit for turning this site from really nothing into really something. A very silly something, to be sure, which was perfect and on mission. 

I was happy to take my place at the table as the third contributor. If rob is Sam and TJ is Norm, I came in as Cliff, a pretty annoying know-it-all loser who eventually found his voice… as exactly that.

It’s worth going back into the annals. It was the wild west back then, and it's all over the place, but it's a treasure trove of laughs and head-shakes. But I've also really enjoyed the plethora of participants along the way. What a roster of contributors, commenters, critics, and clowns. 

Teej

In typical GTB fashion, this post is delayed... because I procrastinated any and all answers. All I seem to recall is telling me about a "blog" lo these many years ago, and it sure seemed like a good way to pass my time at work rather than, ya know, working. It's hilarious to see my piss poor attempts to be New Jersey Ave NW's version of the Boston Sports Guy. Those early posts are cringe, but they also were the highlight of my day. And on those rarest of rare occasions the OG Deadspin would link to something WE put on this blog, I felt a lot more price in that than the cracker factory shifts I was doing back then. [Rob: I totally forgot that used to happen. It was, indeed, glorious.]

Rob

Ironically, or par for the course if you ask my wife, I do not remember the founding details of GTB. But I do remember The Teej posting about a random encounter he had with our blog's namesake in New York's Little Italy.

What's your favorite GTB post of all-time? 

Whitney

Ooooh, good one. And impossible to answer properly. 

• The first post ever was a dandy. 
• Here's one of Mark's that everyone loved... 321 comments. My goodness. 
• The Cauc Hop. Terrible but fun. 
• The Manliness continuum was fantastic. 
• The Spahn Ball. 'Nuff said.

I have gotten a lot of mileage out of the Top 20 Douches in Rock and Roll, and I'm tempted to say that TJ finding pure gold is my fave, but the truth is that I have even more appreciation for the depth of posts like this one and this one and this one and this one.

But I'll go with this one. Because it captured the event that captures us and this blog the best.

Teej

I mean, rob's LeBron post was an all timer. And the silly Fashion is Dumb series always makes me chuckle. But for my money, it was this doozy from Whitney - it was as blog post-y as a blog post could be. [t's also a good reminder that the two other guys who answered these questions have always been great writers, and I did stuff like The Ghoogles - the Teej knows his lane]

There was also that time I went to the State Fair.

Rob

Selfishly (look, this whole blog is an exercise in selfishness), it's the LeBron post, because of the experience that went with it. Nearly 14 years later, I can barely believe that actually happened. Just an amazing whirlwind of a few days. Owe it all to Shlara.

This one's a little more obscure, but also connected to an experience. The time Bobby Valentine slapped the Teej on the ass at a movie screening was sublime and ridiculous in equal measure. 

I also have fond memories of the Most Outstanding Achievement in the History of the Internet.

The Teej's trip to the Indiana State Fair is a seminal early-GTB work. Historians will revel in it.

This one combines Whit's Grampa Jack and a most auspicious summit of all time. It's so good that we labeled it 'The greatest post in the history of this illustrious blog'.

Wrote this about my grandparents.

For what it's worth, the LeBron post is the single biggest driver of views in our history, amassing more than 37,000 sets of eyeballs. The second-highest volume? A photo essay by the Teej celebrating Hurricane Igor got over 17k. I just report the facts, folks. 

What's your favorite recurring bit? 

Whitney

• Bite Me, Randy Newman. Irony notwithstanding. 
• Gheorghe’s 6-Pack, here and here.
• TR’s Topps 80's baseball cards.
• The Elegy for a Dive Series, where I get bested by OBX Dave yet again.
• WCSAGD!!
• Whitneypedia.
• Dave’s "Ask A..." series was amazing, and this one might have gotten my top billing except for the fact that the butt of the joke ended up dying a few years later.

And, of course, Gheorghemas. I love Gmas the most, since it draws the roster out of hiding really nicely. I especially love my Day 12's Appreciations assignment, even as I fall short plenty. 

Teej

Remember that time I was convinced all we needed was a daily recurring bit like all the other bigtyme blogs, so we came up with the Ceai Complet tag? Good times, good times. 

Rob

I do love the Gheorghasbord, because it's easy and I'm lazy.

WCSAGD is the best executed bit, by some measure.

The impending doom foretold by the Large Hadron Collider makes me laugh. I may be the only one.

Zjurisprudence is both funny and educational.

I quite miss the Ghoogles.

And the 12 Days of Gheorghemas might be the best concept we've ever done. Writing the year in review is way up the list of my favorite holiday traditions.

Who’s your favorite Gheorghie? 

Whitney

I love all Gheorghies the same! And love, as Del Griffith said, is not a big enough word. 

But my answer is Dennis. 

Teej

It's obviously Dennis. 

Rob

Dave. His brain amazes, amuses, and bemuses me.

What happened to Jerry? 

Whitney

Sinkhole got ‘em. Pity the old Wheelhouse posts aren’t archived somewhere. I mean, yeah, Library of Congress and all, but that’s too hard to access. 

Teej

In 1972 a crack commando was sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. This man promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, he survives as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire... Jerry.

Rob

Mark and I broke his brain. Illogic trumped logic. Chaos reigned. And he decided to grow up and put away childish things. Shame, really. Love that guy.

What's your favorite thing about GTB? 

Whitney

It’s my world away from the world. It’s such a nice safe haven. I like getting my news from here. Politics, sports, music, how the world and the things in it work, and the latest from each gheorghie's life -- celebrating the ups and commiserating/supporting the downs. 

Also, summits and mini-summits. So great.

Teej

All you assholes write gud.

Rob

The range of contributions. We contain multitudes, from Muppets to the work of an actual (reformed) professional scribe, to the emotional, to fake scientific panic (or is it fake?), to sharing actually interesting facts about the world to polyps to poop to diverse music takes. Phew. That's a lot.

Also the people. The people are pretty great. And the way they got here would make for an excellent oral history.

Who's your least favorite Gheorghie? 

Whitney

TR, because he actively quit us after he once told us on a camping trip he couldn’t. Miss that guy. That also goes for Jerry, Geoff, Swint, Mayhugh, and the rest of the defectors. 

But my answer is Almighty Yojo. 

Teej

Cane Lover. What a dick.

Rob

Dave. He knows why.

How much time do you estimate you've wasted at GTB from its founding to now? 

Whitney

69,696 hours. Except that not a moment has been wasted. Even if I was.

Teej

The number from that song in Rent. I'm not gonna Google it. Too lazy.

Rob

GTB has been around for 7,111 days as of the release of this post. I easily spend 30 minutes a day on average either writing, reading, or commenting. That's 3,555 hours, or 59.25 days. It feels like more. I bet it's more. But it's a trick question. The only thing wasted in that time was me on most Friday and Saturday nights.

What's your message to the Gheorghies after 5,000 posts here?

Whitney

I've only got one thing to say:

That, and keep on truckin'. Please keep bringing me countless hours of joy. It's the best stop on the long road through modern technology.

Teej

This:

Rob

Let's run it back. Can't wait to write about post number 10,000.