What Car Should a Gheorghie Drive: Dave Edition

WCSAGD is back for 2019 and I’m starting the year off with the Gheorghie for whom the proper choice is perhaps the most obvious: Dave.

Dave is a practical guy. But weird too. He cares not one iota about aesthetics. He's smart and I admire aspects about him--this year I decided to read more and watch less so I've finished two books and started a third.

There are whispers in far-flung corners of the internet that Dave was cool at one point in time. That particular point in time was the mid- to late-eighties. It's been all downhill since then from a coolness perspective--remember when he got those Vibram Five Finger sneakers?

Despite reading lots of leftist and environmentalist literature and admonishing everyone around him to adopt simpler lives that make less of a harmful impact on the world around us, Dave has a lot of stuff and he likes to carry it around with him at all times. For example, he always has soccer balls, cones, pinnies, and enough additional athletic equipment to support a soccer team at the drop of a hat. He also likes to drive long distances without any regard to how much gasoline he's burning.

Dave can't have nice things because he doesn't take care of them. Remember the time he tied his dog to his bike and almost broke the dog, the bike, and his own neck? Or all the times he lost his lizard? Or how he breaks the zippers on all his coats? Or how he loses his aforementioned balls? Or the time he got his kids' kite stuck in a tree and walked away because he hates kites? Or the time he smacked his car into a guardrail while simultaneously getting dogshit all over the inside of his pocket?

Despite all of this Dave had great interpersonal success. He hangs out with us, for example, and he has a wonderful wife and family. So he needs a car that can fit us all.

Dave should drive a 2012 Toyota Sienna held together with $11 worth of autobody repair tape.

I considered one of those weird JDM minivans or minitrucks from Duncan Imports for Dave, but he wouldn't appreciate it. He likes what he likes and I'm not going to change his mind. Of course this means Dave has it all figured out (or is tremendously lucky). He has everything he wants.