Dembeles Full But Spurs Hungry

Tottenham Hotspur is both the best name in English football, and one of the more recently exasperating sides in the Premier League. Spurs have a habit of fielding talented sides and snatching misery from the jaws of success. This year, though, led by swashbuckling young Englishmen Harry Kane and Dele Alli, and boasting a talented roster playing attractive, attacking soccer, Spurs find themselves in fourth place in the Premiership, only five points behind league-leading Leicester City.

Belgian Midfielder Mousa

In an effort to break through, Spurs management have taken the unusual, but provocative step of cornering the market on Mous(s)a Dembeles.

Mousa Dembele is a 28 year-old Belgian* central midfielder who's made 102 starts for Spurs since 2012. Prior to that, he played for Fulham, making him an instant G:TB favorite. It was during his

time at Fulham that manager Martin Jol said, "Dembele is probably the best player on the ball I have ever seen." To be fair, that kind of judgment is likely what got Jol shitcanned after failing miserably to keep the Cottagers from being relegated two years ago.

(* How many of you knew that Belgium is currently the number one team in the FIFA World Rankings? It's thought that shots on goal are part of that calculation, and the Red Devils' 68 shots against the U.S. and Tim Howard in the 2014 World Cup contributing to their position.)

Not satisfied with one Mous(s)a Dembele, Tottenham management made a bold move this week, signing forward Moussa Dembele from...Fulham. This Dembele is a 19 year-old Frenchman who's tallied 11 goals for a middling (this is a very kind description) Fulham side that's barely above the Championship relegation zone.

French Striker Moussa

Spurs made the move to pick up the younger Dembele after letting winger Andros Townsend go on a transfer to Newcastle. But they've since announced that the Frenchman will stay at Fulham on loan for the remainder of the season, taking a bit of the steam out of this post, and causing no shortage of confusion amongst Spurs fans, who see their side needing one more attacker to take the pressure off of Kane.

Maybe they should reach out to Moussa Dembele, who competed in the 110-meter hurdles for Senegal in the 2012 Olympics. He's only 27 years old, and he's fast as hell. No idea if he can kick a soccer ball or not, but how can Spurs go wrong with three Moussi Dembele?

They can't, that's how.

To close this shitshow of punnery, please enjoy a little Bob Marley while I tell you that Spurs are going to finish in the top four and make it to Champions League play next year. I believe I've already told you that, but I'm too lazy to look it up.