Groups of Life and Death

In a matter of mere hours, soccer fans the world over will gather in salons both real and electronic to watch a bunch of old white guys pick names from a hat. Metaphorically, anyway - the production values for the 2014 World Cup Finals draw are likely to be pretty slick.

Sepp Blatter's Blue Balls

For a good breakdown of the mechanics of the draw, go here. For a very quickly rendered U.S.-centric version, keep reading.

The U.S. side heads into 2014 off of one of the better years in its history. Jurgen Klinsmann's squad won a national-record 16 matches in 2013, including a world-best 12 consecutive wins. The U.S. is ranked 14th in the world headed into today's draw.

It's highly unlikely that the U.S. will be as fortunate this cycle as it was in 2010, when fate smiled upon us, slotting the Americans with England, Algeria, and Slovenia and opening the door for advancement to the Round of 16. The 32-team 2014 Finals is loaded with quality sides. There's a scenario in which the U.S. is drawn with Brazil, the Netherlands, and Italy. Zoinks.

There's also a chance that the U.S. gets Switzerland, Algeria, and Boznia-Herzegovina. We'd be advised not to get our hopes up for that one.

For what it's worth (answer: nothing. nothing at all), this World Cup Draw Simulator just gave us Uruguay, Algeria, and France.

As Pro Soccer Talk notes in the link above, though, the U.S. is capable of beating just about anyone in the draw on any given day. In the last 18 months, we've knocked off Spain and Germany, albeit neither nation's full side. Best not to obsess too much about the draw - it's pretty likely rigged, anyway.