Judge Montes Leaves Me Breathless

During a discussion twixt Squeaky, Patchie, and me about local politics on the ride to the airport from OBFT, Patchie posited that NJ and MA are the crookedest states in the Union. Squeaky opined that nowhere is as crooked as MA and I objected, noting that NJ is at least a close second if not crookeder. As if on cue, I learned about In re Roman A. Montes today. I could tell the story myself, but the complaint spells things out perfectly.

So far so good--Montes is a judge.

Hey, who am I to judge (pun!). A grown man went to a noodie bar.

"Befriended" is a funny way to describe the exchange between a noodie bar dancer and a patron, but whatever. This is where it gets crooked.

Oooh judge ain't right, his court ain't right, his honor is a pimp, tell by his eyes. It gets grimier.

What are the odds?!? Can't make this stuff up ... unless he stalks the hot women involved in cases before him, especially the strippers. But he didn't do that, did he?

Sounds that way to me! But it could have been a random coincidence, in which case he would have done the right thing and walked away ... right?

Wrong! So what did he do next? What any ethical judge would do. He had it bounced to another court due to conflicts. But look how he couched it:

Un-fucking-believable!! "Hey Paulie, transfuh dis case ovah to Clark. I went ovah to Breffless dis weekend, one ting led to anothuh, an' it turns out now I'm bangin' duh strippuh who's involved in dis case! Gotta keep up appearances, nah mean? So get dis conflict outta my courtroom." Impossibly, it gets better.

Judge got game! He "was afraid of cutting [her] off and not speaking to her anymore" is a polite way of saying "C'mon son, I'm just tryin'a keep my dick wet ovuh here." Which he did, apparently.

So how does this end up before the ethics committee? Much like Odysseus, it was hubris that laid Judge Montes low.

The stupid bastard bragged to the judge who caught the conflict transfer! "Hay-yo, did choo see da cans on dat broad in dat Mahtinez case I sent ovuh to you? Guess what? I'm dooin' uh! Marone, she fugs like a champ. Hopefully I can work my way trew a bunch uh huh strippuh colleagues before she finds out!" The other judge dropped a dime, leading to the following predictable conclusion:

Jersey rocks! Chris Christie in '16!