It's All About the Barrys

A new week brings a new list here at G:TB. In honor of our new President (as well as our old disco hero, a soul singer, a mullet-sporting ex-coach, a couple athletes and some other schmucks), we present G:TB's Official Top 10 Barrys of All-Time.

This list was compiled in accordance with the modified Stableford scoring system, so many accomplished folks who flirted with the name Barry (or a close proxy thereof) are ineligible to compete. Honorable mentions go out to Dave Barry, Berry Gordy, Marion Barry, Halle Berry, Raymond Berry, Joe Barry Carroll and the entire NBA playing Barry clan. Except Brent. That guy sucks.

10. Barry Sanders
Mr. Sanders electrified millions with his moves as an Okie State Cowboy and a Detroit Lion. But this video game hero was a real-life enigma, seeming to be controlled by his father. He made LaDainian Tomlinson seem glib on the sideline, coming across like an overly sensitive pansy. He cracks the Top 10 because of his moves, but he stays low because he never came across as a remotely cool or fun guy.

9. Barry Goldwater
Though he was a loser on the largest of stages, Mr. Goldwater is a winner on this list. His conservative message fueled the political drive of Ronald Reagan, his idealogies embody the political passion of as many as one editors of this blog, and his glasses inspired the modern day fashion look of Martin Scorcese. For these reasons, Mr. Goldwater, you are on this list.


8. Barry Beck
Though there is nary a New York Ranger fan among the editors of this blog, there is a strong contingent that loved old-time hockey and Eddie Shore. Barry Beck was a staunch defenseman who wore the C on his Rangers sweater for over half of the 1980's. He was smart, durable and tough as a box of nails. He would fight you in a a second, and usually came out the victor. As the announcer in the clip below says, "Beck is supposed to be a destroyer of men."



7. Barry Williams
Sure, the guy is now a creepy man in his 50's who will shill any rumor from the Brady Bunch for a free lunch. But back in the day, he was the man. He hooked up with Marcia, he dated the real-life Mrs. Brady and he had an alter-ego called Johnny Bravo. Unfortunately, he loses points because his alter ego wasn't named Barry.


6. Barry Melrose
The suits, the hair, the gel, the bizarre coaching gigs, Mr. Melrose has a tremendous resume for this list. Not necessary to say a lot more about the man who is singlehandedly keeping this company in business.


5. Barry Obama
Yes, I have the President at#5. I could not be more excited that we have a President named Barry. Not only is he named Barry, he had an Afro, he smokes cigarettes and dabbled in drugs at a younger days. Tremendous all the way around. He doesn't make it higher because he has yet to establish himself as a leader. And because I don't like the way he pronounces the first "a" in Pakistan.

4. Barry White
The Godfather of Soul's sultry voice has spawned the conception of countless babies. On shag carpets, on a car's fine corinthian leather backseats or on a velvet sofa, Mr. White has laid down the sounds that let the magic happen. And as if his dulcet tones weren't smooth enough, he had the pimping hair and beard which oozed soul. If you want to know how to sweet-talk a lady, may I suggest studying the lyrics to Love Serenade.

3. Barry Manilow
Write the songs indeed. Your amazing brand of cheese is so accessible to all of white America that you have become an icon. And while many folks will claim that Clay Aiken is the Barry Manilow of this generation, I claim that Barry Manilow is still the Barry Manilow of this generation. To the dozen of our readers wandering by this nook of the woods on their daily jaunt through cyberspace, if the clip below doesn't get you fired up to process the shit out of some TPS reports at your cubicle, you are no friend of mine.



2. Barry Gibb
The clothes. The brothers. The era. The beard. The beats. And the falsetto. Mr. Gibb was the leader of the biggest band in the disco era, when the collars were big and the chest hairs were long. Many like to frown upon the disco era. I hate those people.

1. Barry (and Levon) from The State
If you missed The State in the early 1990's on MTV, you, um, missed a very funny show. This clip needs no introduction. And I wish I could embed it, but, apparently, I am unable to do so.