The Fall Guy

Reading about other people's college homecomings and their overlarge share of inside jokes, heroically inflated memories, and maudlin remember-whenisms is a vastly overrated thing. So I'll spare you most of the retelling of (4/7ths of) Team G:TB's trip to Williamsburg, VA.

There was, however, a singular element of the weekend that must be recounted in an effort to save the masses from repeating our mistake. In this case, that mistake is now almost 20 years old. To wit, don't make friends with swarthy black Irishmen named Gus. At least if you value your physical being.

The latest installment in an ongoing lesson in inadvisable ideas that are a lot funnier after the fact? A seemingly harmless-sounding shot of tequila, accompanied by salt and lime. Innocuous, no? We've all downed more of Jose Cuervo's elixir than we'd probably care to admit to our parents and employers, I'm sure, and to no real harm. Lick the salt, drink the shot, suck the lime. Easy, peasy.

Change the name of the shot to The Stuntman, keep the order the same but the orifices different and you've got a recipe for moronic disaster. As in, snort the salt (rock salt, not that sissy Morton's crystals stuff) into your nose, drink the shot, squeeze the lime into your eye. Commence laughing and crying until near-vomit with the 6-8 like-minded idiots in your midst. Do not repeat.

And that's...one to grow on.