Serious Topic, Handled Immaturely

Four of the five primary G:TB contributors have children, and Teejay is, for all practical purposes, an adolescent, so today we tackle the important and under-reported (at least here) question of child rearing. Specifically, since I know for an indisputable fact that the entire editorial staff here were knuckleheads of the highest order during college and the years that closely followed (defined as the years from graduation to right now, May 5, 2008), how much of that ribald debauchery do our kids get to know about as they grow?

Two things brought this subject to the top of my mind this weekend. Yesterday, I got up with some other suckers loving fathers to set up my daughter's elementary school for the annual Fun Fair. (It's every bit as awesome as you might imagine.) Towards the end of the effort, I was standing around shooting the breeze with a handful of other dads, when another father walked towards us with a conspiratorial look on his face. Seems he'd been cleaning up, and in the process came across a storage bag lent to the effort by some soon-to-be chagrined family.

With great flourish, he reached into the offending bag and pulled out a well-used 10" bong. At which point all of the rest of us first thought "Man, a quick binger would really hit the spot", and then unleashed our best "I know what that is but I'm gonna pretend I haven't used one in a while" banter. And the poor schmuck that forgot to take his paraphernalia out of his tent bag is gonna be the butt of PTO jokes for the foreseeable future, even as at least a few of us will make mental notes about the need to invite him to our next party. The Long-Haired Friend of Jesus of Suburbia, as it were.

Then, the Washington Post Magazine published a cover story on Sunday about the pros and cons of telling children about Mommy's past as a boozy, drug-dealing stripper (that's a bit of an exaggeration, though not entirely). Told mostly from a woman's point of view, the story once again had me calling local religious orders to ascertain costs and prerequisites for enrolling young girls.

This is by no means intended to start any kind of deep philosophical discussion about hypocrisy, parental authority, or global warming (threw that in there to increase the hit count - it's all about being green these days). But I put it to you, friends of G:TB, what are you telling your kids when they ask? And they will, about sex and drugs and booze and any number of other things we don't talk about at HOA meetings.

And who is planning to give Teejay "The Talk"?