Hope Springs Eternal

The Boston Red Sox have won two World Series titles in the last four years. Democrats (poorly) control Congress. I have two silly, happy, beautiful children and a loving wife. I just saw The Police in concert for the first time. Life is good.

But, just as Sting laments in Hole in My Life, there's something missing. It's the last of the big checkmarks on my cosmic to-do list (besides, you know, see the 8 Wonders of the World and balance my checkbook): I must see William and Mary play in the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament before I shuffle off this mortal coil.

Before you shrug that seemingly modest aspiration off as the snarky rantings of a sleep-deprived blogging head, drink deeply for a moment from the fount of W&M's historical ineptitude. When the 2006-07 Tribe scrapped to a .500 record (15-15, 8-11 in the Colonial Athletic Association), it marked only the third time since 1985-86 that the Green and Gold had ascended to that lofty plateau, and only the sixth time in that span that W&M had cracked the .400 barrier. W&M's all-time CAA record is 113-238 (they're 215-399 overall since joining the conference in 1985). And don't get me started on the postseason.

Ahh, the postseason. The bane of my alma mater's hoops existence. Since joining the CAA in 1985, the Tribe has posted a 3-22 mark in conference tournament play. They've never won more than a single game in any CAA Tournament. W&M is one of five original NCAA programs still wearing the all-time collar. The Tribe joins Army, The Citadel, Northwestern, and St. Francis (N.Y.) in the 0-for-59 Club, all five schools competing in major college basketball since 1948 with no appearances in the Big Dance.

During the 1997-98 season, the Tribe shook off decades of misery to post a 20-6 regular season record and tie for the CAA regular season championship. And then lost to a mediocre American University team in the first round of the tournament. A frantic letter-writing campaign to the NIT selection committee found no purchase, and the Tribe was once again shut out. I'm guessing the NIT poobahs were flummoxed by the fact that the letters weren't written in crayon, like the ones they were accustomed to receiving from Clemson and West Virginia fans. Bitterness: the lifeblood of Tribe hoops since 1693.

The 2007-08 Tribe returns several solid, young players from last season's over-achieving squad, and head coach Tony Shaver's got the ship moving slowly in the right direction. There's something, though, about the squad that gives me pause. I just can't seem to put my finger on it.

So cheer on, Tar Heels and Hoyas, Bruins and Gators, Spartans and Jayhawks, cheer on, safely insulated from life on the far, far other side of the tracks. You'll never know the joy of a .500 season, the nobility of the struggle to push this rock up this goddamned hill only to see it crash mightily back under the weight of a panicked Chuck Swenson late-game huddle, or a 100-38 loss to Duke. And when that day comes, when Jim Nantz announces William and Mary's name as the 15 seed in the Albuquerque region, my tears will still be damp on my cheeks as I book the flight. I assume they'll still have airplanes when I'm in my 60s.