I'm not sure what the best method is to get Washington Nationals' President Stan Kasten's attention (perhaps Agent Steinbog can help), so I figured why not try the the worst possible choice: serenade him. Stan, below you can sing along as we beg and plead with you to rid the franchise of it's management malice, esteemed GM *cough cough* Jim Bowden.A few words first, if we may. Don't kid yourself Stan - Bowden getting Dmitri Young as a blue light special is pure luck. I might love the guy, but Dmitri could've just as easily ended up like Elijah Dukes, only 200 pounds heavier. Jim's failure to garner anything (spare me the draft picks talk) for Alfonso Soriano last year was borderline criminal. GM Jim is a no talent ass clown and he must go. Now.
Frankly, the last straw for us here at G:TB (in particular, for Dennis and me), was this completely asinine and baffling move Mr. Bowden made yesterday:
Nationals option outfielder Brandon Watson to Triple-A Columbus.
Wow, Stan, did you realize Nook Logan and Ryan Langerhans were the answer for your ballclub in CF? I sure didn't. You realize Nook was so terrible he completely gave up switch hitting three weeks ago, and now has 1 hit in the last three weeks to show for it. And Langerhans, good lord, don't get me started on this guy. In 137 ABs this year, Ryan has a .137 BA, .288 OBP and even more abysmal .277 SLG. Joe Borchard is laughing at this guy. I beg of you Stan, try to get a straight answer from the bi-polar Bowden...I don't think it's possible. Have you ever seen your GM in these interviews with local sportscaster and trivia aficionado Brett Haber? If you haven't, I suggest you play a few of those clips, after you listen to our lovely song of course.
Stan, your manager (who deserves a tremendous amount of credit for keeping this ragtag bunch competitive all year...and while I'm here, somebody give Randy St. Clair a medal for getting wins out of Jason Simontacchi, Micah Bowie, Matt Chico, etc...), sure seemed to like Watson, starting him in all five games since his call-up from Columbus. And Watson had not disappointed, going 5 for 18 in that brief stint, adding speed and excitement (2 R, 2 RBI, 1 SB) to an increasingly plodding lineup. Hell, I think Bob Carpenter wanted to marry Watson. The time has come Mr. Kasten. Jim Bowden must go.
Stan, enough of my ramblings - sit back, relax and let the dulcet tones of Bobby McFerrin guide you:
Here's a little song I stole
You might want to ponder your payroll
Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy.
In every life you have some trouble
But having Jimmy makes it double
Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy.
Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy Now.
Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy. Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy.
Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy. Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy.
Jim's got the team on its deathbed
Stan, take him behind the woodshed
Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy.
Gheorghe say the move can't wait
Ted may have to mediate
Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy.
Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy. Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy.
Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy. Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy.
(Look at Gheorghe -- he's happy. Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy. Here I give you my phone number. When you axe him, call me, I pay you nicely. Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy.)
Jim got no skills, but tons of guile
Jim got no gal to make him smile
But Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy.
'Cause when you waver my face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
So Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy. Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy Now.
Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy. Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy.
Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy. Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy.
(Please Hurry, Please Hurry, please do it. Fire Jimmy. Put a smile on my face. Don't bring everybody down. Please Hurry, Fire Jimmy...)
Nice work TJ. I hear Bog TV calling your right now.
ReplyDeleteOn a realted note, why does Bowden look like he's coked out in those interviews. You're on TV sire, please stop shaking like you have Parkinson's.
Be careful, because I can't get that damn song out of my head (the real version)...I woke up humming it.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, when was the last time Robin Williams was funny and/or relevant? Was it 1987, with Good Morning Vietnam?
Umbrella ella ella ella.....
ReplyDeleteyou get the idea.
Greg, your commenting here and at the 'House has been nothing short of spectacular lately. Have you thought about putting all these nuggets in some sort of fitting publication, maybe an anthology...or perhaps a pamphlet?
ReplyDeleteI've had the song stuck in my head for the last 30 minutes. I'd have Greg's song (Doesn't he rap a verse in the middle somewhere?) stuck in my head too now but I've only heard about 5 notes of it. A broken car radio isn't always a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteI've archived all my nuggets of wisdom in a book. A book of matches is still a book.
ReplyDeleteWell played squire.
ReplyDeleteOne half of the managing partners at Misery Loves Company, LLC, sends big thanks to Jim Bowden and the gang for sending an eqivalent of a split-squad, Rookie League, Special Olympics club down to Atlanta. After making us (who mocked the Nots in April) look short-sighted for the last month or so, the Nationals have quickly become every caricature sketched by clowns like ourselves.
ReplyDeleteNeat.
The hometown nine are finally starting to play like I thought they would...those two cases might still be mine for the taking.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I think GM Jim looks a little like Dr. Albert Meinheimer in that photo...
ReplyDeleteBrandon Watson was the only player left with options. Any other player would have had to have gone through waivers and risk being picked up by another team. You want to lose Nook Logan? Fine, but I at least want some dippin' dots in exchange!
ReplyDeleteBowden's done an incredible job. Just wait until July 31st. He's building us a great team. Next year's staff will be even more fun to watch.
By the way, if you want to reach Stan Kasten, just call the team. Kasten claims to answer his own phone, and answers his own email.
I'd be willing to take the risk and leave Exavier Logan and Langerhans hanging out there for anyone to snag. And I hope Mr. Kasten appreciates being added to the exclusive G:TB mailing list.
ReplyDeleteI gotta believe you could dangle Langerhans out on the waiver wire with nary a nibble. Then again, though Watson needs some big league at-bats, there's obviously no rush with anything they're doing. The Nats could have a dream team in 2011, but it will be slim pickin's for a while.
ReplyDeletenicely done. Now please turn off the fucking acapella in my head. Please.
ReplyDeleteAnd say "dangle langerhans hook nook option watson" 20 times fast.
ReplyDeleteThe Trail Blazers now have more PGs than the Redskins have DBs:
ReplyDeleteSteve Francis
Taurean Green
Petteri Koponen
Rudy Fernandez
Jarrett Jack
Sergio Rodriguez
The best part for the Wiz in landing Nick Young, other than his actual skills, is that Ernie can cut the cord on these two stiffs:
ReplyDeleteDeShawn Stevenson
Jarvis Hayes
Hold on there professor. I feel strongly that they should re-sign DeShawn. He's the only guy on the team who takes a more than passing interest in defense.
ReplyDeleteOK, I will give him his due as a defender...I guess the stiff refers to his below-average offensive skills. But Jarvis can still go...and quickly.
ReplyDeleteThe Hawks had a great draft. I don't think those words get typed too often.
ReplyDeleteAnd this Yi/Bucks showdown is going to be fun.
Sean Williams, PF, Boston College
ReplyDeleteWeakness: Bong Handling
I have cable again. Thank god.
ReplyDeleteThe drafting of another score-first SG says two things to me:
ReplyDelete1) The Wiz is standing strong on their approach to defense - reference Bill Murray's work in Space Jam.
2) Bye Bye Gilbert....luv ya, mean it.
Wiz want to be Phoenix East...
ReplyDelete"According to Jim" has been picked for a seventh season on the ABC Television network, it was announced today.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, the world is ending...tomorrow.
I'm with Geoff on Stevenson. He's pretty poor offensively but he does everything else at a high level.
ReplyDeleteRudy Fernandeez is a more of a 2. The Blazers are still overloaded at PG though. I'm a little disappointed that Green ended up there. It feels like he's headed to the NBDL at some point.
Nice work TJ. I hear Bog TV calling your right now.
ReplyDeleteWomens Leather Bombers