"It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times."December 20, 2004 - Despite being regarded as one of baseball's better GMs (we will not be discussing the Kei Igawa signing today), Brian Cashman swigs a bottle of Nyquil, scans the available free agent pitchers, and is awestruck by the 3.00 ERA and 18-8 record of 28-year-old Carl Pavano, a man once traded for Pedro Martinez (big whoop, he also was traded for Cliff Floyd and Guerrero black sheep family member Wilton). Cashman, obviously high on crack, ignores the fact that Pavano was a sub-.500 pitcher with an ERA closer to 5.00 than 4.00 in his previous 6 big league seasons and signs him to a 4 yr/$39.95 million deal (don't say $40 mil or Carl will get upset).
How has his Yankees career turned out so far? Rather than force a bad analogy on you (probably involving Carrot Top or Pauly Shore), I'll let you decide for yourself:
2005: 17 GS, 4-6 record, 4.77 ERA, 1.47 WHIP
Hmmm, not a great start. Why all the missed games you say? This year he was gone by June with a bum shoulder. Frail doesn't even begin to describe Carl.
2006: 0 GS...what a dick
A misprint you say? Nope. Carl "bruised his buttocks" (I wish I was making that up) in a spring training game and provided ZERO to the Yankees rotation in 2006. He also managed to break two ribs in a car crash during the summer, and waited until the week he was finally supposed to start a game to tell the Yankees.
2007: 2 GS, 1-0, 4.76 ERA, 1.24 WHIP
A work in progress. Well, no, a complete debacle in progress. Is he hurt? Is he faking it? The New York Times claims "Many in the organization believe Carl Pavano wants to have reconstructive surgery even though his elbow may not be damaged enough to require it." This guy is the definition of soft. When Mike Mussina is giving you shit and calling you "American Idle", you know there are problems.
By my count, that is 5 wins as a Yankee, or just under $8 million a win. If the Kevin Brown and Chan Ho Park contracts never happen, I contend Pavano's deal would have to be regarded as the worst contract ever given a pitcher.
Since I, like Carl, haven given up on his 2007 season, I eagerly await the 2008 Carl Pavano Adventure (if he ever pitches for the Yanks again) about as much as I await the release of yet another Larry the Cable Guy movie. Lucky for me, that film opens today (honestly, who greenlights shit like Delta Farce?) Carl plans on attending the premiere with his smoking hot girlfriend, and blowing out his knee squeezing into the aisle middle seat.
"It is a far, far better thing that I (never) do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better (DL) rest that I go to than I have ever known."
Speaking of atrocious pitchers (and former Yankees):
ReplyDeleteJeff Weaver allowed six suns in Seattle's 7-3 loss to the Tigers, dropping his record to 0-6 in his first season with the Mariners. The last major-league pitcher to lose his first six starts with a particular team was Mark Thurmond for the 1988 Orioles.
TJ:
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow Yanks fan, I'm irritated with a lot of the abortive arms that have passed through the Bronx in recent years (Randy Johnson, Javy Vazquez, Jeff Weaver, Jarrett Wright, Carl Pavano, Kei Igawa, Tom Gordon, Kyle Farnsworth, etc.). But it must be said that Cashman had very little to do with the majority of these signings.
There was a lengthy interview with one of the Yanks' beat reporters on WFAN last weekend. I think it was Buster (Hyman) Olney, but I can't remmeber. The essence of what was said is that Steinbrenner did what he wanted to do and made Cashman deal with it from 2001 to 2005. Cashman finally got himself some semblance of GM-like power after the 2005 season and began to clean house last year by trading Johnson and Wright for young arms.
The word on the street is that Cashman hated the Johnson and Pavano deals, and that he was opposed to the Sheffield signing, because he wanted Vladdy G instead. Steinbrenner had a hard-on for Pavano after he mowed down the Yanks in 2003. And the Juan Pierre factor from that same series is what prompted Steinbrenner to push for the Willie Mays Hayes, I mean Kenny Lofton, signing.
Pavano is indeed a dildo, and Cashman is indeed on the hot-seat, but you can't hold him accountable for all the bad moves the organization has made. Apparently, the leadership faction in Tampa had Steinbrenner's ear and controlled a lot in the early part of this decade.
All right, we'll ease off Cash a bit, but my annoyance with Pavano only grows the more articles I read about him/this situation. I too had heard Big Stein pushed hard for Carla after that WS, but figured Cash needed to take some of the blame.
ReplyDeleteMan, that list of bad pitchers is frightening in both it's length (ngs) and abortiveness. I mean, Javier Vazquez actually has a vagina. Did you know that?
man, i wish the red sox didn't spend so much money over the past two years so i could bust out the lyrics from 'can't buy me love'.
ReplyDeleteYes, but they did, so pipe down.
ReplyDeleteteejay - seth mnookin postulates today that tim wakefield will have better stats at the end of the year than clemens. wanna make that interesting?
ReplyDeleteAnd the word now is Clemens might come back for that June 1-3 Sox series. Oh my.
ReplyDeletei may travel out of the country that weekend. i'm so very tired of the hype machine.
ReplyDeleteLuckily, we are not in either city, and this town only cares about the Skins, so just avoid Sportscenter (which you should already be doing) and the ESPN radio clowns and you should be fine.
ReplyDeleteAs for Wake vs. Clemens, I've already got two cases coming my way, so sure, I'll spin one into this bet. What measurables are we using?
ReplyDeletebut the games will most likely all be televised on the wwl, so i can't escape to the soothing tones of jerry remy and don orsillo.
ReplyDeletewell, wins are - as you know - team dependent. how about we use ERA, Opponent's OPS Against, and K/9? each category is worth one point - best 2 of 3.
ReplyDeleteYou'll get Buck and McCarver for the Saturday game...
ReplyDeleteWell, Sethie seems to be using ERA, WHIP and BAA in his argument, so it seems we should use those as well.
ReplyDeletedeal.
ReplyDeleteAll right, someone try to remember this 5 months from now.
ReplyDeleteDon't discount Darren Dreifort's deal in that conversation. It was a dandy.
ReplyDeleteI also forgot the Mike Hampton deal (and to a lesser extent the Denny Neagle deal). Who the fuck was running the Rockies?
ReplyDeletebuck & mccarver are even worse than the wwl monkeys.
ReplyDeleteThe Rockies are fun. You can tell that baseball in Denver is waaaaay down the list. It's just another thing to do (on a long list of fun stuff) in that crazy high altitude. This is the same organization that keeps re-signing Clint Hurdle (re-signed this winter through 2009) to manage losing seasons (five in a row and counting)because he's a good guy. And he is a good guy, so it's cool.
ReplyDeleteTJ, I think Carl might have to attend the movies today solo. Unless of course, he's found a new college freshman to date.
ReplyDeleteHe got dumped by that most recent hottie? And I would like to pay Greg to stand outside the 7pm showing of Delta Farce and punch every person in the face that exits that movie.
ReplyDeleteHow did I forget about Kevin Brown in that list!? What an a-hole that guy is. And if we expand our list of terrible pitchers recently seen in pinstripes, we can add Ron Villone, Sean Chacon, Sidney Ponson and Scott Erickson to that list.
ReplyDeleteOn the topic of Clemens, I'm dying to go to a game and heckle the hell out of him. If you want a good laugh, go to his wife's web site: www.debbieclemens.com. It ranks highly on the Unintentional Comedy Scale. She tries to give life advice that focuses on the concept that women need to be thin to be happy.
I sure hope Giambi stops being selfish and shares his HGH with Abreu. Abreu and his atrophied mellon sure haven't done much recently.
File under: "At least he's affordable"
ReplyDeleteToday's Yankee starter, Darrell Rasner, pitched for the team I used to work for during my time there. I find it amazing that he's even in the bigs considering he was the 3rd pitcher in the rotation for the Single A team I worked for. I honestly figured he'd be out of baseball until I saw he was starting for the Yankees today. Just a completely mediocre pitcher who may, or may not, be married to his sister. Seriously, they look so much alike it's creepy.
Jaret Wright:
ReplyDeleteFormer major league pitcher Clyde Wright told reporters Thursday that his son, Jaret Wright, "might be finished because of shoulder problems."
Clyde Wright did not, however, tell reporters that his son's steroid use in the late 1990's contributed to his shoulder problems.
ReplyDeleteWright should give half his salary to Leo Mazzone, who performed miracles to get a good season out of him and land him a $21 million deal.
teej, that adsense isn't gonna install itself. free beer, my friend, free beer.
ReplyDeleteYankees suck... so does their starting pitching.
ReplyDeleteGreat, now we've got uppity Brewers fans?
ReplyDeleteYes, yes Rob...Google Ad Sense. I'll get on it.
ReplyDeleteCan't you ban people from the Dakotas? It's collectively worse than fucking Greenland.
ReplyDelete"Yeah...Bling-Bling"
ReplyDeleteSteve Spurrier is not the only USC coach getting a raise this year. Seven of Spurrier’s eight returning assistant coaches received new contracts with higher salaries, including a 25 percent bump for Gamecocks recruiting coordinator David Reaves. USC released the contracts, which took effect April 1, to The State on Thursday. The only assistant who did not get a new deal was defensive line coach Brad Lawing, whose salary was frozen after he committed a secondary NCAA recruiting violation last year involving current USC defensive end Travian Robertson. Lawing, in his second year on Spurrier’s staff, received a built-in, $4,000 raise in accordance with the terms of his original contract. Spurrier’s inaugural USC staff earned $1.24 million, roughly the equivalent of Spurrier’s original salary. Amid overtures from Miami and Alabama about those schools’ coaching vacancies, Spurrier received a $500,000 raise and a one-year extension in December that increased his annual compensation package to $1.75 million. The Gamecocks’ nine assistants will make a combined $1.33 million this year.
Ryan Zimmerman...well done son.
ReplyDeleteThanks to an imporbably three game win streak, the hometown nine are now on pace for about 53 wins.
ReplyDeleteGiven the ass-whooping the Marlins laid on the Nats to open the season, that was an extremely surprising sweep...
ReplyDeleteimporbably, indeed
ReplyDeleteI'm prostate with grief over that misstep.
ReplyDeletewell played, sir.
ReplyDeleteNot what I like to see:
ReplyDeleteOnly 36 games into the season, Boston leads the AL East by eight games over second-place Baltimore (.474) and third-place New York (.472). Only one other time in their history were the Red Sox in first place by such a large margin so few games into a season. In 1995, the year of its last division title, Boston led by an identical margin through 34 games.
Blame the eBays Bobby, always blame the eBays:
ReplyDeleteBobby Bowden, whose team went 7-6 last year and 8-5 in 2005, indicated he doesn't expect special treatment despite his 31 years at FSU. "If Bobby Bowden doesn't win enough games next year, I wouldn't blame them if they ran me off," he said during a recent chat at Doral.
I think these folks got what they were looking for:
ReplyDelete"eddie money" and "drunk"
Awesome. My contributions to G:TB have been legitimized.
ReplyDeleteMark, the rich get richer:
ReplyDeleteFlorida picked up the first of two potential key late signees when the top remaining point guard, Houston's Jai Lucas, committed to the Gators.
Just saw this and I couldn't be more pleased. He'll fit in nicely. Now it's up to Patrick Patterson to round out Billy D's thorough domination of all things college basketball related.
ReplyDeleteBreak up the Nats...
ReplyDeleteNats Pride...the only bonus to me being trapped at this hotel for the next 4 days is the possible meeting 48 hours from now with this blog's namesake. I'm thinking he should autograph a screenshot of the mission statement. Thoughts?
ReplyDeletethat's a winner for me. just make sure he understands that bulbous and flailing are compliments in this case.
ReplyDelete