It should probably read, "Fuck it, Bus, let's go bowling..." In what should surprise no one, former Steelers running back and 400 pound behemoth Jerome Bettis is apparently a big time bowler...apparently the only requirement needed to be inducted into the celebrity wing of the Bowling Hall of Fame. Actually, those hoighty toighty bowlers call it the International Bowling Museum & Hall of Fame. My apologies to Dick Weber Jr.In case you're a celebrity (who I guess googled your own name and ended up here...Drew Lachey, is that you?) and are hoping to gain entrance into this prestigious Institute, from what I can gather these are the criteria for admission**:
- Have an affinity for bowling
- Claim to have bowled your whole life
- Gain great pleasure and enjoyment from the sport
Don't believe me? Executive Director John Bergland on why Bettis was an easy choice as the first inductee:
"Two things. One, he's an outstanding bowler," Bergland said. "Number two, he has great passion for the sport and he regularly promotes it."
Hell, I took bowling for credit in college (and you wonder why the writing is so suspect), I enjoy any "sport" where beer drinking is prominently involved and I'm always trying to hit the lanes (just not on the Shabbos, Donny). Can I petition for a spot next to Jerome?
**OK, it does say in the article Bettis has bowled a 300 game and mantains a 200 average...maybe he is the perfect charter member, but facts don't usually jive well with my rambling (though I'm betting Tom Arnold or Andy Richter might be great choices as well)
And yes, I know this is day old internet fodder, but it's too early to discuss the impending Subway Series 2.0. Shhhhhh....
ReplyDeleteSubway Series??? The Yankees are 3-4, in third place, and 3 games back of the cruising Red Sox. If the Mets somehow happen to make it, it looks like they'll be facing Boston in a re-match from 20 years ago. Which, by the way, would be 100 times the storyline of another Subway Series. (Especially if Clemens comes out of retirement in September to re-join the Sox, develops a blister, and Tito yanks him early.)
ReplyDeletePlease, after the 11-19 debacle to start last year do you think I'm concerned about 3-4 to start this year? The beer league Yankees simply need to score 9 runs a game all year long and they'll be fine.
ReplyDeleteClemens back on the Sox as a hired gun would be one ridiculous storyline...
MLC would be a hostile environment the likes of which our impressionable young readership has never seen should the Sox and Mets get to redo 1986 this october.
ReplyDeleteI would pay money to see that. Well, not really, because I won't even pay to have ESPN Insider, but you get the point.
ReplyDeleteHey, my AL CF Scott Podsednik actually got a hit today, raising his average to .067. Awesome.
In totally unrelated news, June Pointer, the youngest of the Pointer Sisters, died today at 52. Well, Proof from D12 died yesterday, June Pointer today, if death really comes in threes, what are we looking at for tomorrow? Aaron Neville? Diana Ross? Xzibit?
ReplyDeletetj,
ReplyDeleteThere's never a wrong time or place for a Duany reference. I think we can all agree that we miss them all, Kueth Duany, Duany Duany, Albert Duany, Edgar Duany, Vai Duany. Or whatever the hell the rest of their names were, I need to dig up the article that SI did on them a while back that had the whole crew.
Really a debt of gratitude is due to conferences like the A-10, Colonial, and Big East not just for the Duanys, but all the rest of our favorites, Yinka Dare, Pops, Boubacar Aw, just to name a few.
i met boubacar aw at champions in georgetown some years ago. i'm sure he regales his posse with the stories of a 5'5" drunk white dude yelling BOUBACAR!!! across a crowded bar.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'd back Andy Richter 1000%.
ReplyDeleteI'll trade you Scott Posednik for Jason Kendall straight up, although you may not want to do that since JK and his beard would have already wasted 3 of the 22 hits I expect out of him on the season.
Well, they nearly got TJ's boy, Julius Hodge, on the highway recently...sorry dude.
ReplyDeleteI resisted saying anything about that, because even though I think very little of him as a basketball player, it isn't very nice to applaud the shooting and attempted murder of a pro baller. But Julius, I still think you suck.
ReplyDeleteHey, come on, he's probably the second best Julius ever to play basketball. Oh, Julius Keye was probably better. And maybe Julius Ward. And even Julius Peppers.
ReplyDeleteOkay, never mind.
Julius Nwosu of Liberty?
ReplyDeleteMike Jacobs stole second and third base off Mike Piazza today. How the hell does that guy still have a regular catching gig?
ReplyDeleteIf you're a good dude, you can hang around forever in some capacity. If you're a jerk, you can be breaking long-standing home run records and nobody wants you around.
ReplyDeleteI like Orange Julius, best.
ReplyDeleteBy all account Greg Zaun is a major asshole, and he manages to stay around despite the lack on any real discernible skill. If you have previous major league experience, a pulse and can get the ball back to the pitcher 90% of the time. Well, then you're all set for about 10-15 years as a catcher.
ReplyDeleteAs for Juluis Hodge, apparently he was wearing "the wrong colors" and ended up victim to the Denver area gang wars. What is this, 1986 in LA? Can we get Sean Penn on the case?
hi-larious doings over at deadspin this morning. make sure you read the backstory.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.deadspin.com/sports/espn/tony-kornheiser-is-into-leather-167019.php
I was also wondering, would the summer that we took the free bowling passes that they gave at the end of the school year, found matching paper at the copy store, and proceeded to make hundreds of copies, culminating of course in the ability to bowl 5 days a week for free for the entire summer also qualify me for the Bowling Hall of Fame?
ReplyDeleteOf course, after a month of the same 4 or 5 guys showing up at 3 in the afternoon to bowl for free, it did prompt the girl working the register to ask where we got all the free passes.
"Just asked our friends for their's too" we said, "all 700 of our friends."
Sadly I may have missed my chance at being enshrined. I too planned on enrolling in a bowling class one summer at UF. Until I realized that all the bowling classes were only offered in the early morning hours (before 10 am).
ReplyDeleteAs much as I love bowling, I wasn't willing to risk a failing grade b/c I was too damn hammered/hungover to get out of bed in time for class. Of course, this resulted in my enrollment in a Badminton class, which didn't begin until 11:45 am. It turned out to be a good decision though, as I used up all of my absences in badminton within the first three weeks of class.
One detail that I left out...I took Badminton as Grad student.
A few of us took badminton one semester, and it was a blast. Peppering the snooty British kid who'd actually played competitively before and taking pleasure in smacking the shuttlecock off his forehead (ngs) was great fun.
ReplyDeleteThe ESPN highlights from the Giants/Dodgers game, in their entirety:
ReplyDelete1. A Barry Bonds flyout.
2. A Bonds walk.
3. A Bonds intentional walk.
4. A sac fly for the Giants.
This is not supposed to be the Bonds reality show. If those truly were the most exciting four plays of that game, it lends a whole lot of credence to people who say baseball is boring.
I like Barry Bonds getting beaned. Now that's a show.
ReplyDeleteDid anybody notice the 28 point 26 rebound line that Dwight Howard put up on Saturday night? Amare may have to have his "Black Jesus" tattoo lasered off if Howard keeps this shit up.
ReplyDeleteSloth hit another HR today...for those keeping score, that's 9 already on the year. Wow.
ReplyDelete