...but I've ripped kickers in this space before , and if you managed to stay up last night for the Orange Bowl War of Attrition, the god damn kickers did it again. This time, though, I'm not gonna pummel these guys, I just feel bad for them (even goat turned hero Kevin Kelly of Penn State, a freshman who would be filing transfer papers today if he missed that kick in Triple OT last night). Their exhausted teammates battled all night long in a classic slugfest only to be toyed with emotionally on several occassions by these Junior Ray Finkles (FSU kicker Gary Cismesia was the other culprit). FSU managed just 12 first downs and 284 yards of total offense in the 5 hour epic (ending well past this guy's bedtime at 1am), there were 21 penalties between the two teams, and Penn State's Polish LB Dynamo Paul Posluszny detroyed his knee McGahee-style (thanks alot fellas, I am exhausted today and need to be up late night tonight too, as there is apparently an important game on, and I'm not talking GW/Temple). But enough from a guy who witnessed this game from the comfort of his own couch...how about we let GTB's Man on the Scene give us a feel for the nerve-wracking ending:"again!? R u f - ing kidding me. Denise's dad may have just put out a hit on that kid."
- Text message from Orange Bowl ticketholder Dennis, at 12:34am, after Kelly missed the first OT kick (Dennis apparently had a flight 4 hours later. Good luck with that my friend.)
Finally, in the third overtime, Kelly made a FG, sending Penn State to the 26-23 victory and leaving a jubilant Dennis to gather his thoughts, and his wife, and (hopefully) make it to the airport. If you're out there chief, let us know you survived. All in all, that was one hell of an appetizer for tonight's Rose Bowl. Which reminds me...
Texas is going to win tonight. Sure, after weeks of articles and TV segments chronicling USC's victories over the '27 Yankees, the Third Reich and genital herpes, the tide has seemingly turned in the last few days with writers quickly realizing they didn't use their "Hey, Texas Can Win This" article yet (this might even be what Jeremy calls the "relash"). Well, too late fellas, you've been fellating the Trojans for too long, and now you'll just look stupid jumping ship (though that has never stopped Skip Bayless before). By now, you've heard all about the unstoppable USC offense, the absurd collection of skill position players, and the 34 game winning streak. All valid points, but there is no way USC has faced a defense as good as Texas this year (they were 5th in total D). And it's not like Texas scores 20 points a game - THEY LED THE NATION IN SCORING AT 50.9 PPG (yes, I know USC was second, just bear with me). Vince Young is reeeeaaaalllly good. Both Jamaal Charles and Ramonce Taylor are explosive, and TE David Thomas is one of the best in the nation (Trojans S Darnell Bing is going to have some trouble with him). This is not David vs. Goliath - it's Goliath vs. Goliath, and it is going to be one fantastic fucking football game. Mark it down, GTB predicts a Texas victory, 41-38, with the added bonus of making ESPN look even more foolish than usual (Dream Job 3 anyone?)...
Speaking of National Title games, everyone remember this guy?
After hearing Maurice Clarett's ridiculous robbery story over the weekend (to me the craziest part of this is that Mo couldn't have picked a city OTHER than Columbus to attempt this?), all I can picture is the absoulte meltdown of humanity at the end of Boogie Nights, and I have this mental image of Clarett running down an alley away from the cops as Night Ranger blasts in the background. This guy is starting to make Lawrence Phillips look good...
Am I the only guy who hears Tom Petty's "American Girl" and immediately thinks of Silence of the Lambs?
Later this week we'll examine the trainwreck that has been this Washington Wizards season, and what their chances are of turning this thing around and making the playoffs (hopefully sparing me the purchase of yet another case of beer for the Mayor of Newport News).
And I leave you today with just one question: What the hell is going on down at Sesame Street?
These bowl games are taking forever. They start earlier than MNF and are ending later. At the Sugar Bowl, I almost lost my buzz after they stopped selling beer, and folks, we cannot have that. [But the fact that they did sell beer at an NCAA event both surprised and excited me.]
ReplyDeleteBut 4.5 hours is too long for bowl games to take. TJ, fix the problem.
Well, there was a time, oh so many years ago (like 5) were none of this was a problem. There was a magical day called New Year's Day, where every bowl game of significance (and even poopie bowls that involved Jeff Blake and East Carolina) was played. And there was much drinking and revelry, cause The Man gave us the next day off. Sadly, that day is gone, so suck it up, down a Red Bull, and watch Vince Young douse the hopes and dreams of Nick Lachey tonight.
ReplyDeleteTexas 41, USC 38. Fucking fantastico.
ReplyDeleteDoug and Bob McKenzie would agree:
ReplyDeleteFree drinks may improve the health and lives of homeless alcoholics and reduce their run-ins with police, according to a study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I heard both these things come out of Matt Leinart's mouth last night:
ReplyDelete"It was a good win...a hard loss"
"...but we're still the better team."
The first was a slip of the tongue with 700 cameras and mics in his face, I know, but the second quote? I'm sorry Matt, but you're not the better team, not as long as Texas has Vince Young at QB (and Pete Carroll leaves Reggie Bush on the sidelines on the game-deciding play).
And finally, Example 1,378,397 why Skip Bayless is a humongous douchebag:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=bayless/060104
Leinart seemed to lose his poise last night. Somewhere in the midst of insisting that USC lost the game rather than Texas winning it, mentioning some missed tackles by his defense, and then trying to scramble out of that by calling Vince Young "freakish," he's going to need to go through the Crash Davis School of Interviews before he'll be comfortable in the NFL.
ReplyDeleteI can understand his frustration, and I don't think he's a total douchebag (like that guy Skip Bayless), but what keeps sticking in my craw is the "...but we're still the better team." Absolute sour grapes from Matty, and it didn't need to be said at all. Especially when it was clear (to me and Mark at least, but I guess not to The Worldwide Leader) coming into the game that these were two pretty evenly matched behemoths and this game was going to be an epic clash, not a USC/OK repeat from last year.
ReplyDeleteI suppose in his defense, it has been a really long time since he's had to do a post-loss interview. He didn't even take his shoulder pads or jersey off, which was kind of . . . freakish.
ReplyDeleteBut, uh, he might want to get used to losing really fast if he's going to go down to the foot of Canal Street next year.
OK, so let me get waaaaay ahead of myself - If and when Vince Young declares, how quickly can we get the Jets lined up to draft him? He might throw like a drunken Bernie Kosar, but I don't care. I want that guy on my team. And good luck to Matt Leinart in New Orleans. A coachless, cityless team seems like a good place to start a career.
ReplyDeleteVince Young--not an NFL QB.
ReplyDeleteGood job on nailing the score TJ. I thought Leinart's slip up "good win/hard fought loss" was definitely a product of giving the same mindless answers after eacha nd every win, only he forgot that they DID NOT win this game. As for being the better team, you can beleive that if you like Matt but you lost to a better all around team tonight, sorry.
ReplyDeleteIf Michael Vick is a legit NFL QB, then I don't see why Young wouldn't be able to be as good or better at the next level. Sure, he has a horribly awkward delivery, but I don't see it affecting him all that much due to his tremendous size. I guess maybe there are some questions about his arm strenght, but I'd take my chances with him.
ReplyDeleteimpressive predictive skills. I still can't get over that game. I watch a lot of sports and can't remember my heart beating like that when one of my teams wasn't involved.
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to pretend to be Mel Kiper, but Burr, you've gotta be kidding me. Mark's Michael Vick comparison will certainly come up due to their very similar skill sets, but you can't honestly tell me right now that you wouldn't put Vince Young and his potential (which is all the media has used for 3 years with Vick) against some of the more questionable currrent NFL starters at QB. You don't think Young could be a QB in a year or two that the Saints or Jets or Dolphins or Lions or Cardinals, to name a few QB-deficient teams, would die for? I realize a guy like Akili Smith had all the tools and was a complete bust, but I don't remember every analyst imaginable saying Smith was a transcendent star along the lines of Young. Sure, everyone (much smarter guys than me) could be wrong, but I'm willing to bet Vince Young is a good NFL QB, under the proper guidance and tutelage.
ReplyDeleteSmith wasn't nearly the athlete that Young is. Furthermore, Alex Smith was last year's #1 and I find it hard to believe that you can honestly say he is exponentially better (now or based on future potential)than Young. If he's good enough to be a first round pick, then isn't Young as well?
ReplyDeleteBurr was hopefully just trying to spur intellectual discourse on the subject. Otherwise, I don't know what to think. Perhaps Burr thinks Jason Campbell will be a better NFL QB than Vince Young.
ReplyDeleteThat Burr, he's a real instigator you know.
ReplyDeleteAnd one hell of a lover.
ReplyDeleteI live...
ReplyDeleteI too have serious issues with games lasting soooo long. With Dolphin stadium cutting off beer sales at the beginning of the 3rd quater, by 3 A.M. I had already gone to hangover status leaving the Orange Bowl. So, getting up for my flight at 5 A.M. was equally upsetting as you might imagine...
Another issue I have - giving game MVP's to a player on the losing team! Total crap. I will now boycot FedEx because of this. DHL is my new shipper of choice...
Oh, and one final short story:
I had the pleasure of being seated next to the strangest brawl in recent sports history. About 5 minutes before halftime a 60-year old (seemingly well put together)PSU fan to my right leaps out of his seat and lunges at a 19-year old FSU nutbag seated to his right. Now, there was some seriously vulgar trash talking going on for most of the half between said 19-year old and some other PSU fans behind us leading up to the outburst. But it was more or less good natured in my opinion (then again consider the source here - I thoroughly enjoy vulgar trash talking...). At some point though, the old man snapped and just went insane trying to put the 19-year old in a head lock, while his wife egged him on! And, even not knowing this man's life history, I'm guessing this was maybe the top one or two worst decisions of his life (probably right next to marrying the cunt-faced ass clown he brought to the game), because the kid wiggled his way out and then, without delay, landed 3 straight right hooks to the codger's face. Good ones too - this kid clearly had been in a fight or two in his day. These weren't flailing chick punches I'm talking about, they were solid driving blows to the eye, check and mouth. Never seen anything like it... Police took a few minutes to roll onto the scene, so old man river had a moment or two to contemplate what had just happened before being escorted out along with his equally crazy wife. I offered him a paper towl to wipe his face as he got up, but I don't think he could really see my offering through all the swelling and blood at that point. Good times, lemme tell ya. It's not everyday you see a bloody-faced blue hair in hand cuffs. I just laughed and laughed, and then called the two others who were at the game with us and said four seats had opened up if they're interested. For those bleeding hearts in our audience, don't worry, the kid and his wasted buddy got tossed too...
That's all.
Oh, and I highly recommend South Beach. Wow.
Welcome home Dennis. Did you and Will Smith (the DE not the rapper) "get jiggy wit it"?
ReplyDeleteYou have the same reaction to South Beach that Keith Jackson ahs to Reggie Bush. Yeah, that sounds about right.
ReplyDeleteUh, I've been to quite a few events in Baltimore, and I'm just not seeing it - perhaps we need a recount?
ReplyDeleteBALTIMORE - Baltimore has been named America's fittest city, with Chicago overtaking Houston as the fattest. Last year's fittest city, Seattle, drops to No. 8 in the new list, released today by Men's Fitness magazine.
Are they talking about Fit Men? It is a men's fitness magazine - is it not? Because maybe the guys are really fit in Baltimore. I want to think TJ that the times you were visiting Baltimore that you were not assessing the how fit the men looked.
ReplyDeleteAh, a bit more from the article:
ReplyDeleteWhen the annual survey named Baltimore the fittest city in America, many Charm City residents had the same response: You gotta be kidding.
Sure, people here are known for eating lots of seafood, but are crab cakes and deep-fried lake trout the staples of a healthy diet?
"I think it's probably the most mis-fit city in America," said Charisse Bailey as she dug into a typical Baltimore lunch: fried red snapper on thick white bread, with a side of french fries and a beer.
The city's skyline is dotted with neon signs advertising Domino sugar, Utz potato chips and National Bohemian beer. And while many neighborhoods, such as Fells Point and Federal Hill, have been transformed by an influx of young professionals, a Friday night visit to either reveals a culture that revolves around drinking and greasy food.
Nevertheless, Men's Fitness magazine placed Baltimore at the top of its annual list of cities where fitness is king, ahead of Honolulu (No. 2 for the second consecutive year), San Francisco (No. 7) and last year's winner, Seattle (No. 8).
One last thing on Vince Young that I was thinking about last night. It's funny to see sooo many people converted on him based soley on the USC game. Yes, his performance was extremely impressive and will go down in history. However, shouldn't those who were so critical of him up until Wednesday night look at USC's overall defensive stats before concluding that Young is a surefire star? Mind you, I've been on the Young bandwagon (whether correctly or incorrectly) but it just seems odd to me that people are falling all over themselves after he lit up an average (at best) defense. It's not like USC's defense is on par with 1992 Alabama or even 2001 Ohio State.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me to just be another ride on the Sports Media Hyperbole Machine, claiming whatever happened 10 minutes ago or 4 hours ago or last night is THE GREATEST thing to ever happen in the history of ever. There is no way Young is as spectacular as they make him now after that game, but there also is no way he should have gotten so little press or hype BEFORE that game. It's a shame that it's not in the job description of sports writers to take an even keeled approach to their topics - everyone thinks they're a god damned shock jock in print...
ReplyDeleteHe was a Heisman candidate, so it's not like he was completely overlooked, but yes, all of the figurative fellatio was on Bush and not Young before now. That Bush was -- only somewhat -- held in check by the Texas D shouldn't make the Texans rethink the landslide logic that had their final game calls the Reggie Bush Bowl, but it does make you wonder if the coronation of the next Sayers/Payton/Sanders might be a bit much just yet.
ReplyDeleteMy question is, is it worth trying to convert Young to another position in the NFL if there are questions about his arm and pocket passing poise? And if so, what position? He doesn't seem to have the body of a RB of DB, so WR? Or do you let him have a go at QB?
And have you ever seen crack addicts? They're extremely thin, and that can average out a city's worth of fatties.
I pondered the crack factor into the Baltimore conversation, but still, I'm not sure I ever encountered anyone I considered "thin" in Baltimore.
ReplyDeleteAs to Vince Young, QBs are drafted high every year with physical deficiencies (and some with mental deficiencies, such as J.P. Losman) so why not draft Vince as a QB and tweak those things, letting his athleticism carry him throught the inevitable struggles. I believe scouts thought Phillip Rivers had an odd throwing motion, I know Kyle Boller has motion issues, the aforementioned Losman, and apparently Alex Smith is a carney with small hands who smells like cabbage.
Since the subject of drug abuse was broached, here's a little something for you guys entitled, "Faces of Meth"
ReplyDeletehttp://www.oregonlive.com/news/oregonian/photos/gallery.ssf?cgi-bin/view_gallery.cgi/olive/view_gallery.ata?g_id=2927
It's worth the five minutes, I promise.
So, what they're saying is "Meth makes you purty"?
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a terrific film:
ReplyDeleteJohn Travolta and Tim Allen are in negotiations to star in "Wild Hogs," a comedy for Touchstone Pictures being produced by Tollin/Robbins Prods. Walt Becker is directing.
The script, by Brad Copeland, revolves around a group of four frustrated middle-aged biker wannabes who hit the open road in search of adventure only to encounter a real Hell's Angels group. Travolta and Allen will play two of the four suburban men.
That sounds like "Deliverance" on a Harley...I'm in.
ReplyDeleteYes, meth does in fact make your purty and smart, don't forget smart.
HBO did a Meth special some time last year about how it's ravaged the Midwest. One specific segment covered this dentist whose entire business had become rebuilding the mouths of meth addicts. Great stuff to watch around dinner time.
ReplyDeleteHoly Shit Kreskin. Nice call.
ReplyDeleteYou're like Skip Bayless, just not as gay, retarded, or incompetent.
Who I Hate The Most, as of 1/9/06:
ReplyDelete1. Oprah - It will take a Herculean effort by the fellas below to overtake her.
2. Ryan Seacrest - He has apparently taken over the E! network too.
3. Skip Bayless - No man makes me want to punch my TV more than this guy.
I mean, what do you say about this?
ReplyDeleteADDIS ABABA, Ethiopia -"Ethiopian Idols" is a far cry from the glamour and glitz of its U.S. and British inspirations.
Yellowed satin sheets and signs taped to the walls provide the backdrop for a set hastily constructed each week in a shabby hotel restaurant while waiters peer in. Performers have to contend with frequent power cuts, feedback from poor sound equipment and ringing cell phones.
But "Ethiopian Idols" has it own answer to Simon Cowell —— the acerbic judge on the American and British versions. Feleke Hailu disses contestants by telling them they "sing like donkeys."
Let me just say, Marcus Vick needs to stay IN trouble, because he is the most entertaining story we've had in awhile...
ReplyDeleteand if you haven't gone over to Drunk and Stupid to see Mr. Vick's photo, go there now.
The Rumor Mill just cranked this out: Reggie Bush is staying in school. You read it at Gheorghe first.
ReplyDeleteYou also read here first that it's actually Louisville RB Michael Bush that is returning for his senior season and that the Rumor Mill is filled with morons and pants-wetters.
ReplyDeleteAnd former Twins outfielder Randy Bush is NOT coming out of retirement.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I changed my mind. I liked it better when TJ was writing a lot of short, vapid posts...as opposed to weekly long vapid posts.
ReplyDeleteWas settling on a condo this morning, but I'm sure I've got some gems in me...
ReplyDeleteActually, I've chosen to take my own life after reading this:
ReplyDelete"Former Giants coach Jim Fassel and former Saints coach Jim Haslett are high atop the Jets' wish list, and the same could also be true of former Vikings head coach Mike Tice."
When are we getting this kind of apology from TJ?
ReplyDeletehttp://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/olympics/2006/01/12/bc.ski.millerapology.ap/index.html?cnn=yes
It's a sad day in this man's America when it's not kosher to admit that you tied one on before coming to work.
It's an absolute travesty that the US Skiing Commission, or whatever the fuck it's called, forced Bode Miller to apologize for his candid interview on 60 Minutes. If it weren't for Bode Miller, no one would give a rats ass about Olympic skiing...the guy is a free spirit who creates buzz and seems like a fucking cool guy to me, and the donkeys in charge want to bottle him up. Fucking morons.
ReplyDeleteWow, can we get these guys to settle down a bit...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.cancharlie.com/
Wow, I am stunned. Wake up, clowns, you could do soooooo much worse than Charlie Weis. Knuckleheads exerting so much energy for such negative purposes. Kind of like those suckbags over at the Wheelhouse.
ReplyDeleteYou want negative? How bout this:
ReplyDeleteYou suck.
"Boomerang" Burr comes through for me again.
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, this is what we resort to during the dog days of the sporting calendar. No truly thrilling games, nothing newsworthy for a week at a time, and all too many media outlets and water-cooler anchors to speculate, postulate, fellate, and communicate all of the sound and fury of blabbity-blabbity know-nothings. Present company excluded, natch.
We need the Olympics to start now. Although even they are more tabloid fodder than action right now - the coach of the U.S. Skeleton team has been suspended pending sexual harassment charges. I'll be honest with you: not only did I not know the U.S. had a "Skeleton Team," I didn't even know what the hell one was before now. And I certainly would've figured it for an autumn sport instead of winter. I'm still resting on the laurels of learning about curling from a few Games ago. And still reeling from witnessing some two-man luge in HD.