Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.

Let's see, what do we have this morning...it's freezing outside, the Wheelhouse is starting to tackle Bowl Games (and has a good look at the NFC playoff picture, from a Skins' fans perspective), Drunk and Stupid contributes some shots at a guy with a goiter, and perhaps someday soon Whitney will let us all know how he feels about the new look Mets (and Squirrel, read this...I hope you're not a Ryan fan). Where does that leave this guy? Holiday films...yeah, that's the ticket. The "Best of Christmas Films" discussion is overdone (for this guy, nothing beats Christmas Vacation...and if you've never seen one of the more underrated Christmas flicks, AMC has decided to show The Ref roughly 2,000 times in the next month), so instead I've been pondering "non-traditional" Christmas films, those movies where Christmas is peripheral to the actual plot of the film, but the holiday nonetheless manages to creep into the fabric of the movie (some input from Butt on this list too - somehow, Jay's Saloon has become quite a muse)...

Gremlins
At it's heart, it's a monster movie. Dumbass Billy Peltzer does not listen to Mr. Miyagi's rules for caring for his Christmas present, which just happens to be a unknown furry creature of Orient descent I guess (not a stretch at all). Well, Billy manages to feed his new pet Gizmo after midnight AND spill water on him, leading to the spawning of some nasty "brothers" for Giz (nasty, but fiendishly funny as well). The new lil' monsters take over the town and cause more havoc than Andy Dick at Suede. Terrific supporting performances by Corey Feldman as Billy's little brother (I think), and of course, everyone's early 80s sweetheart Phoebe Cates...who is not a huge fan of Christmas because her dad apparently got stuck in the chimney one Christmas and died trying to bring her family presents. Good idea by Pops, pretty bad (ahem) execution. Needless to say, Kingston Falls has seen better days...I particularly enjoy Billy's mom disposing of the Gremlins in her kitchen in various creative methods, all while that Christmas fav "Do You Hear What I Hear" plays in the background. Murray Futterman getting a bulldozer through the front of his house was a nice touch too (though somehow Murray doesn't die and appears in Gremlins 2, but luckily, just like Rocky 5, we can pretend that movie never happened.

Lethal Weapon
In my estimation, the best buddy cop action movie of all time (right now all five Nick Nolte fans are feverishly sending me hate email with their stubby little cabbage-smelling fingers). I think the tagline line says it all: "Two Cops. Glover carries a weapon...Gibson is one. He's the only L.A cop registered as a Lethal Weapon." Martin Riggs is a tad unstable, and the Christmas season just really seems to be pushing him over the age. Great shoot out at the Christmas tree lot, and excellent use of an eggnog carton later in the film. Riggs and Murtaugh survive car chases, shootings and a little torture, but eventually prevail. Kudos to Gary Busey as Mr. Joshua for playing one of the best action film villains of the last 20 years. What a psycho (I'm talking both in the movie and in real life).

Die Hard and Die Hard 2
If I'm gonna throw all this praise Lethal Weapon's way, I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the action epic Die Hard (and to a lesser degree Dulles-based Die Hard 2, which kept the Christmas spirit and threw in a US Senator and Dennis Franz to boot). The original Die Hard is an absolute classic - I can't even count how many films have ripped it off in the 17 years since it's release. Down on his luck John McClane just hopes to make it throught the holidays with his estranged wife Holly Gennero, but some German terrorists have other ideas. Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber rivals the aforementioned Mr. Joshua as a classic action film bad guy (both Top 10 on this guy's list). Of course John McClane triumphs over the bad dudes, but Argyle steals the show, jamming out with champagne and an oversized stuffed animal to the greatest Christmas song of all time, Run DMC's "Christmas in Hollis". Huge points too for the "Ho Ho Ho Now I Have A Machine Gun" scene.

The Poseidon Adventure
We're talking the Ernest Borgnine 1972 original here, not the recent piece of shit Steve Guttenberg 2005 TV version (by the way, other notables in the 2005 version - Rutger Hauer, Peter Weller and C. Thomas Howell...a murderer's row of talent if you ask me). Borgnine, Gene Hackman, Roddy McDowell (Planet of the Apes fame) and crazy ass Shelly Winters try to survive on a capsized cruise ship. I'm cheating a bit here because I think it's actually between Christmas and New Year's in this flick, but let's just say the oversized Christmas tree plays a vital role in the plot. Just one of many 1970s disaster flicks, I always enjoyed the tale of the S.S Poseidon, as much for it's ridiculous overacting as for it's even more ridiculous plot of an oceanliner being tipped over by a tidal wave (the tagline: "Hell, Upside Down") and those trapped inside attempting to make it to the top (or is it bottom?) of the ship to survive.

An Affair To Remember
OK, this one I got from the FFMD. I have only caught bits and pieces of this movie on Turner Classic Movies over the years, and never have tuned in for longer than 10 minutes, even though I find Cary Grant to be absolutely dreamy. Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr fall in love while on a cruise ship, but oops, they're already getting married to other folks once they dock. They decide to meet six months later at the Empire State Building (I believe on Valentine's Day). Given it's 1957 release, this has gotta be one of the earliest chick flicks right? Oh yeah, Kerr never makes it to the Empire State Building as scheduled, but the two are finally reunited...on Christmas Day (roll credits). I know, a bit of a stretch, but I figured the list needed to be just a bit longer.

Oh, and if anyone was wondering, my favorite Easter movie of all time?
The Passion of the Christ
(and with that folks, we end today's session, as I was just hit by lightning).