Sunday, May 31, 2009
Consider this a trailer:
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Free Throws Attempted by LeBron: 25 (Over)
Offensive Fouls by Dwight Howard: 2 (I'd like to push here but I'll take the over)
Offensive fouls on LeBron: 1 (There's no way I can take the over here...push)
Bad/rushed shots by Mo Williams: 6 (Over)
Bad/rushed shots by Rafer Alston: 6 (Over)
Number of times LeBron flops after minimal contact whilst on offense: 5 (OVER)
Number of times Dwight Howard flops after minimal contact whilst on offense: 3 (Under)
Flops by Anderson Varejao: We couldn't find a high enough number
Camera shots of a sweaty and exasperated Stan Van Gundy: Again, we couldn't come up with a high enough number
Number of times I scream at the TV: 10 (Under...I hope)
Number of beers I consume: 12 (OVER)
That's it. Enjoy the game. I think I speak for all of us here at Gheorghe (and if I don't then anyone I'm not speaking for has no soul and is a complete and total starfucker) when I say, let's go Magic!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
But then I remembered Choice B and was instantly transported to a time when I felt only I knew of Metallica and how hard they rocked and I wasn't bombarded daily with cuts from the black album on MTV:
An extremely tough choice, and not that anyone cares, but I'll cast my ballot in the comments.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Women sought in daring TV theft from Mo. Wal-Mart
May 20, 9:18 PM (ET) JOPLIN, Mo.
(AP) - Police are looking for two women who pulled off the daring theft of a high-end television set from a Wal-Mart store. Police on Monday said one of the women posed as a Wal-Mart employee and the second played the role of customer Sunday night. The duo made off with a 52-inch, flat-screen Samsung TV worth $1,300. Police Cpl. Chuck Niess said that by the time any real Wal-Mart employees became suspicious, both women were gone. He said the phony employee was dressed as a Wal-Mart worker in tan slacks and a blue shirt and wore a communication device on her belt. She recruited some true employees to help her load the TV on a cart. Niess said Pittsburg, Kan., police reported suspects matching the same descriptions staged a similar theft at a Wal-Mart in that city.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Team: Rancho Cucamonga Quakes
League: California (A)
Affiliation: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Self-Absorbed East Coast Elitist Commentary: Cucamonga. Cucamonga. Cucamonga. I could say that for minutes on end. Cucamonga. Californians are silly. And fiscally irresponsible.
Gheorgheness Quotient: 65/77. The name is geographically perfect, and even a bit self-deprecating. The Quakes play in a ballpark called The Epicenter. We took off points because their mascot appears to be an alligator/crocodile-type creature, and to the best of my considerable knowledge, such things don't exist in the Western U.S. (We'll add 5 points to the score if it can be proven that it's actually a dinosaur. But we'll take them back off again because it appears to also have the measles.) Also, fuck the Lake Elsinore Storm.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Sadly, there is no Blake Griffin looming on the horizon to come and shake us from our doldrums (As an aside...man, could Griffin have gotten a rawer deal tonight? I'm sure Zach Randolph will be a welcoming and supportive mentor for young Mr. Griffin. This is pretty much the exact opposite of what happened to Derrick Rose this time last year). No, all we have is the beginning of the NBA Conference Finals. Conference Finals that I, for one, am extremely psyched about. I love basketball, the matchups are intriguing, the two best players on earth are involved, my favorite NBA team is also involved and, to top it all off, I just bought myself a new 50" HDTV last weekend. Don't ever let anybody tell you that buying an enormous HDTV is a waste of money. It's only been a week and I already love that TV more than at least one of my sisters (to be fair, they did go to FSU).
So, anyway, here's a little something new to celebrate the kickoff to the NBA's Final Four. If you aren't watching these games, chances are you don't like basketball...and there's an even better chance that I don't like you. So, um, yeah. Let's have some fucking fun already.
Also, if you live in the greater Washington, DC area, you suck, too.
Finally, it occurs to me that those sneaky bastards in Toronto may be including CFL franchises in this calculation, in which case they suck, too.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Congratulations Geraldo! May you make it to heaven a half an hour before the devil knows you're dead...
And for an exclusive look at the now-famous slugger (who's actual name, Rotoworld editing department, is Gerardo Parra - "It's Ronald, not Donald."), a G:TB mole leaked our new hero's stock photo to us to share with our readers before he became yet another household image gracing the tops of ottomans and coffee tables everywhere. Right next to that skank, Kate, from "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" - what a skanky skank she is. While you weren't on our short list of prospects to accomplish this feat, we salute you nonetheless.
**You'd actually be surprised how many guys look like Gerardo Parra at first glance on Rotoworld.com. But, if you look carefully, you can see the subtle distinguishing features. Arizona was obviously wearing their throw-back "Rattlers" uniforms on picture day. So, don't let the "R" on his cap throw you off.
Friday, May 15, 2009
"Look at all the skanks. Houston is the New Jersey of the rest of the country."
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
If only it were that easy for the 6 or 7 fans left in Washington. Teejay's led the charge in chronicling Team Lerner's ongoing experiment in civic torture in the G:TB comments section, but in the spirit of our government's new transparency, we're throwing the sunlight on the Nats' bullpen's body of work in a effort to expose the putrescence and excorcise the demons. We won't be using any names because a) the list is too long, and b) we have at least a little compassion.
Herewith, in chronological order, the story of Manny Acta's firemen:
April 13 vs. Philadelphia 9, Nats 8 - Uncle Cholly's boys plate 5 in the 7th and 8th innings to ruin the Nats' home opener.
April 17 vs. Florida 3, Nats 2 - single tallies in the 9th and 10th provide the Marlins' winning margin.
April 18 vs. Florida 9, Nats 6 - not satisfied with blowing a win in mildly tough fashion, the Nats give up 3 in the 9th and 3 more in the 11th to fall to the Marlins. The grumbling reaches near fever pitch as Washington's record skids to 1-9.
April 19 vs. Florida 7, Nats 4 - sorry, make that 1-10, as the home team allows 4 runs in the 9th to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
April 27 @ Philadelphia 13, Nats 11 - Manny's boys manage to go 8 days without a meaningful bed-wetting, but make it a doozy to make up for the streak of moderate competence, giving up 6 runs in the bottom of the 8th to the Phightins.
April 30 vs. St. Louis 9, Nats 4 - in one of my personal favorites, the Nats treat the home crowd to a nail-biter, entering the 9th deadlocked with the Central-leading Redbirds. And then give up 5 runs to send the fans home deflated once again.
May 6 @ Los Angeles 10, Nats 3 - in a real team effort, the bullpen joined starter Daniel Cabrera in giving up 8 runs in the 6th and 7th innings to turn a close contest into a comedy routine. Nats had the last laugh after that pederast Hanrahan found Manny Ramirez' stash.
May 10 @ Arizona 10, Nats 8 - good-guy Nats hand rookie manager A.J. Hinch his maiden victory, allowing 5 runs in the 6th through 8th innings. Who says nice guys finish last? Oh.
May 12 @ San Francisco 9, Nats 7 - the above-mentioned Pedro Sandoval waited until the last moment to add one more dollop of gack to the Nats' bullpen recipe.
The 10-21 Nats can legitimately trace 9 losses to their dreadful, awful, horrific, turrible, not very good at all bullpen (1-10, 6.02 ERA, 1.67 WHIP, .828 OPS against). Turn half of those to wins, and they're only 3 games behind the Mets in the decidedly average NL East, with decent young starting pitching and a respectable major league offense. (We'll remain notably quiet regarding the Nats' defensive abilities.)
What you're doing Messrs. Lerner and Kasten, we're not seeing it.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
(h/t to the Sportsbog, whose coverage of the Caps has been terrific.)
Monday, May 11, 2009
- TR, one hour ago
I found what he was talking about - I think you can guess which pair Daly wore yesterday:
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Friday, May 08, 2009
If you can't join the Amish, and you're willing to ignore the fact that most of the players are probably using HgH, I think you'll find the answer at your local minor league ballyard. In today's Know Your Minor League Mascot, we travel to Harry Grove Stadium, home of my local team.
Team: Frederick Keys
League: Carolina (A)
Affiliation: Baltimore Orioles
Self-Absorbed East Coast Elitist Commentary: I assume the Keys are named for Francis Scott, a man so far ahead of his time that he wrote a song to be played at baseball games well before baseball had been invented. Unfortunately, he also came up with the idea for Keyote, which is a bit of a stretch nomenclaturaly. (Look it up, Scrabble-boy.) Key couldn't hit a lick, but he knew special when he saw it, so I'm quite certain he'd have been impressed by Matt Wieters, the Orioles' can't-miss catching prospect. I saw Wieters play in Frederick last summer, and while I'm sure he's as good as his press clippings suggest, I can't actually vouch for his game as I spent the entire 9 innings chasing one ballpark food item after another in service of my daughters' whims. Spoiled little...
Gheorgheness Quotient: 51/77. We like the unique name and the small-town feel of Harry Grove Stadium. We don't like the fact that the Keys are in any way related to Peter Angelos. I'd like to give that bastard some perspective.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
For the uninitiated, an Orange Julius is a fruit drink, created by blending orange juice, crushed ice, and a mixture of powdered whole milk and egg whites. It has been available since the late 1920s (thank you Wikipedia).
And please, don't ever call a Julius a smoothie. It's downright insulting.
You might ask, how can you dare to label it with such high regard? Um, have you ever freakin' had one? They're absolutely delicious...plus, they are one of those few items that bring you immediately back to childhood. Nothing wrong with a little nostalgic escapism.
Almost impossible to find around these parts, I happened to be in Arundel Mills Mall this weekend, and while the missus did her best to help out the economy at Ann Taylor Loft I went on the prowl for some Julius. I found it...right across from that bastion of good food and great entertainment, Medieval Times (in case you find yourself in said mall I am trying to save you miles of walking...those damn Mills malls are a workout).
It was the best purchase I've made at a mall in years. Jonesing for a Julius now? Check out the website for locations...and yes, I did just join the OJ Quench Club.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Monday, May 04, 2009
Saturday, May 02, 2009
You know what else is awesome? This Bulls-Celtics series. Game 7s. Title fights from Vegas. Saturday night.
Guess what asshole...we get all that tonight.