Saturday, April 04, 2009
Final Four Saturday is without a doubt one of my top 5 favorite days of the year. I made my sister reschedule her wedding because it was going to conflict with Final Four Saturday (Luckily, she just hadn't realized this and once alerted to i, took no convincing in deciding to pick another wedding date). The entire Final Four, but especially the National Semifinals Saturday, is a great showcase for basketball. And, sometimes you even end up with some really entertaining games on the biggest of stages (If pressed I think I'd say my favorite Semifinal of the last decade or so was the Duke-Maryland semi in 2001).
Sadly, the arrival of the Final Four means college basketball is concluding and the shitbird known as baseball is upon us. (Yaaay! 200 consecutive nights of Baseball Tonight! Shoot me, please.) Each year, when this realization hits me, I do two things. First, I drink heavily and look for guys who look like Buster Olney to sucker punch. After that, I drink some more and reflect (like some kind of gay) upon the tournament that has passed. Evidently, I made some notes whilst doing this and from those notes I have compiled the official list of 2009 G:TB All-NCAA Tournament teams.
All-G:TB Team: This team consists of players whom we here at Gheorghe: The Blog love the most. (I have consulted a committee consisting of myself on all of these choices.)
G: Jonny Flynn (Syracuse)- Probably my favorite player in the country. He takes the ball to the hoop fearlessly and provided great leadership for a very good Syracuse team. If he stays another year he'll end up as a lottery pick.
G: Toney Douglas (FSU)- You know a guy is good if he plays at FSU and I like him. Just an assassin.
G: Eric Maynor (VCU)- The best floater in college basketball comes from probably the craftiest player in college basketball.
F: Chris Johnson (LSU)- The Tigers get more big, long, freaks of nature than any other school...by a wide margin. Must be something in the water in Lousiana. I mean, besides herpes.
F: Blake Griffin (Oklahoma)- The best player in the nation, obviously, but what gets him on this team are his ferocious dunks, non-stop motor (he must get the motor from him Mom...I kid.) and the way he keeps his mouth shut and plays ball.
6th Man: Trevon Hughes (Wisconsin)- He was already on this team, for obvious reasons, but then he went and knocked FSU out of the tournament with a ridiculous and 1 at the end OT. Thanks buddy.
G:TB All-Ugly Team: A collection of guys so ugly that they can never be allowed to all be in the same room at the same time.
G: Austin Johnson (Oklahoma)- It was already pretty bad for young Mr. Johnson but that awful mohawk was the icing on the cake.
G: Greivis Vasquez (Maryland)- You've seen this guy. Do I even have to say anything?
F: Demarre Carroll (Missouri)- It's fun to say somebody looks like the Predator, but even Cheryl Miller is scared of this guy.
F: Kyle Singler (Duke)- He's so pale even TJ and Greg feel bad for this guy. And why doesn't his hair lay down? If I met him on the street I'd be tempted to ask him where his helmet is.
F: Al-Farouq Aminu (Wake Forest)- The runaway MVP of this team. When I see him, I reminded of one of my Grandmother's favorite phrases: "He's so ugly his Mama had to tie a pork chop around his neck just to get the dog to play with him". I miss Grandma.
6th Man: Tyler Hansbrough (UNC)- Hyper. Gay. Muppet.
G:TB All-Old Team: Pretty self-explanatory, guys who look like they're Rob and Whitney's age.
G: Tyshawn Taylor (Kansas)- Making this team is quite an accomplishment for a freshman.
G: Tony Crocker (Oklahoma)- It's time for Tony to give it up and shave his head. And can I get a fucking explanation on the long sleeves? Please?
F: Sam Young (Pitt)- Not only does he look like's in his mid-30s, he also turned 24 in March. Meanwhile, a drunk like me graduated from grad school when I was 25. Nice work, Samuel.
F: Tyler Smith (Tennessee)- You don't run into a lot of guys with facial tattoos in college.
6th Man: Gary Wilkinson (Utah St.)- He's 26. And probably a virgin...
G:TB All-Burr High School Team. Burr went to high school with guys named Carter, Landry and Slater among others (Hi Slats!), and Burr's pretty much an elitist prick, so I imagine his high school like the prep school in School Ties...or maybe Dead Poets Society. Whatever. Anyway, this team is comprised of players who sound like they went to high school with Burr.
G: Garrison Carr (American)
G: Brady Morningstar (Kansas)
G: Connor Mullen (Cornell)
F: Micah Downs (Gonzaga)
F: Bryce Simon (American)
6th Man: DeJuan Blair...No...Just kidding. Can you imagine?
Well, thats it. You've got three more games of college basketball left and about another month before the NBA Playoffs really rev up. Lets hope we get at least one tight game tonight.
Posted by Mark at 2:13 PM